Faking Positivity Can Be Harmful

Positive thinking is a powerful tool and can benefit our lives and well-being tremendously. The problem is that life isn't always positive – at some point, everyone has?difficult experiences and challenging emotions. While often unpleasant, heavy emotions must be felt and dealt with openly and honestly for a person to grow from their experiences and cultivate resilient, adaptable psychological health.

In many situations, social pressures will encourage people to ‘fake it until you make it.’ While there is certainly a time and a place for embracing normalcy and adopting a stable routine, if a person’s default behavior involves swallowing their difficult feelings and ignoring their struggles, the outcome is unlikely to be beneficial. What can therapists and counselors do to support people through their tough times and resist the common advice of keeping calm, carrying on, and putting a smile on?

Toxic Positivity in a Nutshell

Toxic positivity follows the belief that any situation, no matter how serious or difficult, can be improved through a positive mindset. Toxic positivity universally rejects difficult emotions, instead favoring cheerfulness. In other words, toxic positivity takes a ‘good vibes only’ approach to a generalized, clumsy extreme. A person who promotes toxic positivity denies the existence of complex emotions and imposes a dangerously narrow vision of life and experiences.

Most professionally trained therapists will know better than to promote positivity at all costs with their clients. Even so, it is helpful to observe your reactions and reflexes with clients whose difficulties feel fixable. Deep listening, empathy, and careful consideration of every element of their experience should precede any impulse you have to problem-solve on a client’s behalf.?

How to Support a Person Who Suffers from Toxic Passivity

Toxic positivity is more a belief than it is a set of behaviors – for this reason, a person might fall into overly positive thought patterns for a period of time, and then recover their ability to see and feel a fuller emotional spectrum. The key risk at play is to erase or repress emotions, which can have adverse long-term consequences.

Here are some warning signs that a client may be adopting beliefs of toxic positivity:

• Be on the lookout for a client’s tendency to minimize or dismiss their negative emotions, or to downplay negative experiences.
• Toxic positivity might lead a client to speak insensitively about other people's tough times, implying that their experience is ‘not that bad.’
• Watch for avoidant behavior. Relying on a happy baseline might prevent a person from processing trauma, engaging in healthy conflict, or extricating themselves from abusive environments.
• Give them space to be realistic. If a client views life with na?ve optimism, they might lack the confidence they need to confront the world – and might also be setting themselves up for a rude awakening.?

If you notice these signs in someone, be patient and invite them to observe their patterns. Clients deserve to have their feelings validated. Help them to identify heavy emotions when they come about, and give them space to feel sad, frustrated, angry, or upset. Work with them to explore the intricate details of their situations so that you can help them explore all the nuances and complexities of their lives. Expressing sadness and anger can feel liberating for anyone – especially for someone who has a habit of bottling up their emotions. By showing a keen interest and nuanced perspective on their experiences, you can help clients appreciate the richness of their inner worlds.

The Nuance Between Optimism and Fake Positivity

In many cases, it can be constructive and appropriate to encourage optimism with your clients – especially with children and teens, who can brood heavily without the skills to navigate their swinging emotions. It is certainly possible to offer a positive outlook without being a proponent of toxic positivity. For one thing, you can avoid making generalizations or sweeping statements with clients. “Always” and “never” statements paint a limited picture of the world and impose too rigid a framework on the mind. You can also attach optimism to a coping practice or activity, rather than making a false promise that being positive should be a person’s priority. For example, offer your young clients breathing techniques, journaling exercises, creative skills like drawing or dancing, or whatever helps them tap into their inspiration. This way, instead of feeling ashamed of their darker feelings or uncomfortable confronting challenging situations, they feel empowered to work through their situation and find a way out by processing it.

At Maryvale, we take a culturally aware, trauma-informed approach to mental health care to support young people in working toward healthy, positive development. We collaborate with an expansive set of partners through our?community-based?approach to mental health. If you’re interested in getting involved, please?reach out.