"Fake it till you make it — enjoy your imposter syndrome" by Maarten Jurriaanse

This article was written by Maarten Jurriaanse as part of Letters from the Republic in February/March 2022

It must have been somewhere in September 2000. We had just launched our creative design agency PingPong design in Rotterdam — in the midst of an economic downturn. With three designers and a general manager, we left our previous employer Studio Dumbar all at once (they weren’t amused) to start our own band, without any clients, nor a portfolio, nor any serious cash to burn. About three weeks in, my first child (Fay) came crashing into the world with a tough start and her mom recovering from the cesarian… So these were really the best conditions to start a new company.

Our biggest question was: how can we introduce ourselves with a bang? We decided to enter this hot new designers competition for LAUS, the Art and Design Association in Barcelona, Spain. Accepted works would be featured in a big exposition and book publication and celebrated with an opening party some weeks ahead. We pictured ourselves celebrating already.

We had just one problem: we had no portfolio. Because we all signed a non competition clause and waved copyrights to the work we created the past 5–7 years at Studio Dumbar (we probably never even read those contracts), we couldn’t compete with work we made there, obviously… So we decided to invent our design track record in the 4 weeks we had before the deadline.

With the help of photoshop, lot’s of coffee and plenty of time on our unemployed hands, we invented an imaginary art-gallery called “Bunk” (after one of the early partners). We repurposed this imaginary cool white-cube building to the Bunk Gallery, featuring our imaginary new graphic/design work, for these imaginary cool clients — featuring the amazingly mesmerising, yet inspiring copy written by Meghan Ferrill about our design philosophy – at this imaginary opening party, in which we photoshopped these imaginary DJ’s and an actual, but digitally multiplied crowd of real friends in different outfits, having fun against a white wall in our actual studio in the heart of Rotterdam… Fake news avant-la-lettre.

We then send pictures of the work, the gallery, the successful opening party to the organisers of the LAUS exhibition. We were invited, no questions asked. We just had to get the works printed and shipped (if only we had imagined these prints to be a bit smaller). We joined the party, the organisers knew it was a scam, it was why they selected us. We had fun, got drunk and still have a good story to tell, about a quarter of a century later (for more on the story, check this interview)

The organisers knew it was a scam, it was why they selected us.

There is a significant difference between faking your aspired self as a team versus faking your desired self as an individual. As a team; you’re a gang, you’re in this together, and you got each others’ backs: ideally, you can play and shine with the supporting admiration of the other ace players; bask in the light of the cool collective. In a good creative team: you know and trust each other to the bone, and you can inspire and anticipate each players’ contribution, respond and build on top of it, all of which happens in a natural flow of unspoken choreography. Together we were imagining, crafting and shaping completely new conceptual, visual and verbal territories out of thin air. It’s both magic and safe — magic because very little thinking or discussing is involved, and safe because you’re in a band, together. Such a state of flow is really special. It requires specific conditions and circumstances which are the golden standard of any successful team culture (more on that in a later post).

Back to the individual who aspires — or is invited to lead or take on a new, audacious role with visibility and responsibility. Confronted with such opportunity, our brains’ autopilot generally hits the brakes — albeit with significant gender difference… Your inner voice starts messaging why this is not a good idea, why you shouldn’t take the risk, why you aren’t qualified, why it’s not the right moment, the right circumstance, or whatever reason the brain produces to signal the threat to your current identity (or your perception of who you are in this particular case).

Your inner voice starts messaging why this is not a good idea, why you shouldn’t take the risk, why you aren’t qualified, why it’s not the right moment, the right circumstance, or whatever reason the brain produces…

I am not an expert in this field, but along the way, I picked up some interesting notions about identity and change. For example; Majken Schultz and Mary Jo Hatch wrote interesting articles about Identity formation, based on the thinking of Herbert Mead. Roughly said; our self-image is shaped by a continuous cycle of self-expression, interpretation and reflection with our surrounding peers; together we keep ourselves and our surrounding networks in balance. Stability is the fundamental goal of both our own and our surrounding peers’ brain efforts. A coherent, predictable and consistent world is simply the preferred state of the human condition.

Of course, this is not how we generally talk about these things. Our inner storyteller is perfectly equipped to rationalise a different narrative, which can point for example to the notion of authenticity, the idea of ‘being true to ourselves’, of not going ‘against our gut feelings’. These notions hold certain truths, but can also function as the typical excuses the brain uses to maintain the status quo. It clouds our judgement and prevents us from acknowledging what’s actually going on inside us when we’re in the face of change. Instead of allowing our brain to narrow into the fight-or-flight mode, we should learn to hover upward and observe ourselves more critically, quiet our ego-chatterbox and try to look at ourselves with empathy, yet clarity (for more on this read Edward Hess on Hyper Learning Organisations).

What do we mean when ‘staying true to oneself’? What self are we talking about? We tend to forget that we switch constantly between a multitude of identities like being a father, son, brother, lover, colleague, friend, trainer, soccer player, art-lover… Our identities are never static; whenever we develop new skills or engage in new endeavours, we also develop new identities. We don’t really experience the process, but you can sometimes notice how old friends — especially parents — can be inclined to frame you in identities that no longer fit with your self-view, as if you’ve outgrown the shell they remember you in. But when we are confronted with a more significant challenge to our sense of self, we can feel threatened because the identity we need to take on still feels alien to us.

Notice how old friends — especially parents — can sometimes frame you in identities that no longer fit with your self view, as if you’ve outgrown the shell they remember you in.

In a brilliant HBR article (2015), Herminia Ibarra describes the ‘authenticity paradox’ beautifully. The challenge budding leaders face is to strike a balance between introspection and ‘outsight’ as she calls it; critically observing inclinations to stick to old behaviour and playfully testing and adopting many different identities to play the leader that fits you best. The authenticity will grow on you, galvanising a sense of comfort and safety with every conquered win. But it is key to maintain a playful self-concept, rigidity is the enemy of change and learning.

A great way to fool your inner imposter is to identify a role model and think about how he or she would deal with the problem you’re facing. That is why role play and improv theatre are such effective techniques to shift your perspective, test your empathy, prototype new identities and ultimately integrate the impostor that has now become the new you.

I wish you lots of playful identities. Say hi to your imposter.

Maarten Jurriaanse

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