Fake it till you become it.

Do it enough until you actually become it and internalize.

A great book I thought interesting to share "Presence" ... Amy Cuddy

The general premise of the book Presence is similar to her fantastic TEDtalk: “It is widely accepted that the state of our mind can affect our body language. But can the reverse be true?” Spoiler alert: yes, it can.

My Key Takeaways

1.      What is Presence and Why is it so important

“We convince by our presence“… Walt Whitman

• We often borrow trouble from a future that has not yet unfolded. We can’t be fully engaged in an interaction if we are busy second guessing ourselves.
• The next time you are faced with a tense moment, imagine yourself approaching it with confidence and excitement.
• The studies show clearly that strong presence can be contagious, and spreads confidence, passion and commitment to people who work for and with them.
• Confidence, Comfort level, Passionate enthusiasm all can be faked until its practised enough until you actually become it and internalize.

2.      Presence is not about pretending to be confident. It’s about believing and having confidence in the abilities you really have.

• Presence is the inner self showing up. After you have internally convinced such.
• Self-affirmation is the practice of clarifying your story to yourself, allowing you to trust that who you are will come through naturally in what you say and do.
• People feel the least present when they don’t feel seen. It’s impossible to be present when no-one sees you.

3.      Impostor syndrome - I Don’t Deserve to Be Here

• Almost everyone has felt this, and interestingly it remerges often after success

• People who have achieved something dread failure the most.

• It you don’t feel it now, you could so recognise tiny habits to combat it

4.      How Personal Power sets you free

Personal Power

• Freedom from the dominance of others.
• Access to and control over limitless inner resources.
• Makes us more open, optimistic and risk tolerant.
• Ability to control our own states and behaviors.
• If we start with personal power, we may increase our social power without trying.

Powerlessness

• impairs thought.
• impairs planning.
• induces goal neglect. General phenomenon of failing to remain focused on a goal, which prevents you from executing the necessary task.
• makes us self-absorbed. Anxiety and self-absorption are linked, they cause and feed each other. People aren’t paying as much attention to you as you think they are.

5.      Power poses - Teach your body and let your body teach your mind

We want power to, not power over. Forming a strong powerful Body language helps convince ourselves and others of our intention.

No more powerfully shown than with All Blacks Haha

 And the science backs it up

After just two minutes of power posing, … testosterone (confidence/risk taking) increases, and cortisol (stress) decreases.

See TEDTalk for further graphic details

6.      Stop talking and listen

Why:

o  People can trust you.

o  You acquire useful information.

o  You begin to see other people as individuals and maybe allies.

o  You develop solutions other people are willing to accept and even adopt.

o  When people feel heard, they are more willing to listen.

·        Presence is the medium through which trust develops and ideas travel.

·        Trust is the conduit of influence.

7.      Nano-sized investments for Medium-sized gains – tiny habits work

Incremental changes, based on tiny nudges, will eventually lead not only to professional success, but also to confidence, comfort and improved self-efficacy, relationships, health and well-being. Tiny tweaks with the potential to, over time, lead to big changes.

• Sleeping on a decision often improves the quality of our decision.
• Slowing down is a power move. Take your time to figure out how to respond.
• Growth mindset vs fixed mindset. Focus on the process not results. Focus on the how not the what.
• Instead of trying to change emotions from high to low, try to change from negative to positive.
• What we wear can change how we see, feel, think and behave.Change your future by slowly, incrementally changing how you interact with the present.

Focus less on the impression you’re making on others and more on the impression you’re making on yourself.

We convince by our presence, and to convince others we need to convince ourselves.