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Radha was watching a famous scene from the iconic Hindi movie ‘DDLJ’ in which Anupam Kher shows the family legacy of failures after he learns that his son Shahrukh Khan has failed in his University exams. Radha recollected how people used to laugh and say ‘I wish I had a father or mother like that character’. She then thought ‘real life is in stark contrast to reel life, because success is perceived as positive and failure is not. This negative connotation of failure makes us fear failure. The way we handle our failure is always with a grim face’.

She drifted momentarily to her medical school days when a few of her batch mates including herself who couldn't clear some subjects were put in the so called irregular batch. She remembered how they were sometimes mistreated by the faculty and even students. She used to feel bad then but now that thought really didn't bother her. She hypothesized 'when people go through any failure be it in academic, career, love or life, the problems seem bigger and they feel that they will never come out of it. The feeling is largely due to the fact that they are scared of being judged by others.’

Next day morning before going for rounds, Radha asked her friend ‘what's your take on failing in exams’. Her friend stared at her and said ‘thank God I don't have experience in that area’. Another colleague who was overhearing the conversation also didn't bother to reply. She asked ‘do you know who invented the electric bulb?’ Both of her colleagues said in chorus ‘Thomas Edison!’ She raised her eyebrows and clapped for them. Her friends gave a sheepish smile mixed with a tinge of pride. She then asked ‘do you know how many attempts he took to get to the right spot?’ One said 'may be five'. She moved her head sideways. The other one said ‘twenty or thirty attempts’. She answered 'he succeeded after four hundred odd failed attempts. People used to mock him for so many failed attempts. When asked about this Edison used to tell them, 'I have learnt four hundred different ways of ‘how not to make a bulb!'’

In the afternoon Radha went for her regular classes and after the class a few medical students and postgraduates stayed back to clear some doubts. After a brief exchange of academic talk, she probed their minds with the same question. ‘What do you do when you face failure?’ The undergraduate was hesitant to answer but one of the postgraduate said ‘initially I feel bad then I let it go’. Mockingly, she asked ‘where do you let it go?’ to which he replied, ‘I stop thinking about it’. She looked at the undergraduate, who was too shy to answer but he asked ‘ma’am failure in what?’ She said ‘in anything including life, love, exams or career’. He probably wanted to tell about his failed crush in school or college but stopped himself when she started to speak ‘in life we have phases of success and spikes of failures. It is not the event that bothers us but how we respond to that event affects us.’ By then one of the students asked ‘Ma’am, according to you, what is failure?’ Radha turned and saw that it was the same shy boy asking this question. She told 'it may mean many things but according to me, failure is when we don't live up to the expectations we have on ourselves or up to the expectations of our near and dear ones. We may fail in exams, we may fail in getting the spinal tap in the first attempt, we may fail in cracking entrance exams, and we may fail in getting the correct diagnoses. She continued 'as I said it is not the event, but how we react to it that will determine if we have really failed or not.

‘I am sure all of you have heard about the famous ‘King Robert the Bruce and Spider’ story. What did we learn from it?’ Like a school boy the shy medical student said, 'King Robert along with his small army fought battles after battles with England. He lost one after the other battles and each time his army halved and was ultimately forced to flee Scotland. He then took refuge in a cave nearby. One rainy evening he watched a spider weaving a web. While trying to weave a thread from one wall of the cave to another the spider fell down. King related his failure to that of spider, but the spider bounced back each time and tried harder and fell down six times. Finally in one magical moment the spider carried the fine thread and fastened it to the wall in its seventh attempt. Inspired by the spider, the King rose and went back to defeat his enemies and took his kingdom back’. Radha was impressed by the way he narrated the story and said ‘yes correct! But before he saw the spider what was he doing?’ Another student answered ‘The king was feeling hopeless and sick at heart. He felt, he was wasting his time and energy thinking about his failures!’

Radha broke into a monologue ‘yes and no. Yes, he was in mental distress with anxiety and probably was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. But he definitely wasn't wasting his time. When we face failure we all react in this manner and partly, it is essential. It makes us understand the problem and appreciate our strengths and limitations. Our perception about life also changes. I remember a friend who sat and stared into oblivion after she failed in an exam. One autumn morning, she pointed out of the window and said ‘my life is like that bare tree’. When we feel really low we start appreciating the small things around us. Until that day, she had probably never stopped to look at the small things around her. It is really an extraordinary feeling. But the real question is how long should we sit and brood? I would say stop before it breaks you. Use the low phase to bounce back higher.

‘Let me quote you a poem by Khalil Gibran, The Prophet, “You have been told that, even like a chain, you are as weak as your weakest link. This is but half the truth. You are also as strong as your strongest link. To measure you by your smallest deed is to reckon the power of the ocean by the frailty of its foam. To judge you by your failures is to cast blame upon the seasons for their inconstancy.”

‘Since we glamorise success all of us are attracted to it. No one wants to fail. It is like, everyone wants to go to heaven but no one wants to die’. All the students smiled. She continued ‘it is important that we need to train the young minds to face failure. I really like the Limca ad (in Indian Television) in which Kareena (A famous Indian Actress) says “Pyas Badao’ (increase your thirst). I feel failure does the same effect in our life. Failure challenges the status quo in our life and increase the aspiration to move up in life. A person who has faced failure in life is stronger and wiser than the one who has never faced one.

‘In the current generation, the trend is slightly changing. Now we hear some people throw parties after a breakup.’ All the students giggled. ‘It should be extended to other facets of life as well. If you can’t crack PG entrance, take a break to introspect and improvise your approach. In career if you feel you are not moving up as expected, remember the above poem by Khalil Gibran ‘You are also as strong as your strongest link’. Identify your strengths and nurture them to move forward in life.

‘My only advice to you all is ‘do not fear your failures, love them’. Don’t be in the illusion that success is waiting for you at the top of the mountain or at the end of road. Instead remember that ‘the more often you fail the richer your soul becomes and more wisdom you gain’. Next time you fail welcome it with a smile and say ‘I am ready’. Use this opportunity as a stepping stone to lead a better life and become a better person!’ she concluded.

*I had written in student's college magazine 5-6 years back!