Failures and Forms

On this day 20 years ago, I was headed eastbound on the I-80 pavement somewhere between Lincoln, Nebraska and Chicago. It was the third day of the journey. I’m sure by this time, I had crossed the bridge over the mighty Mississippi River and the first time ever being east of it in my twenty-three years of life. Driving a little moving truck packed with a bed and a few personal belongings; I was going into the unknown. In the rearview there was nothing because moving trucks don’t have rearview mirrors. I didn't mind because I didn't want to look back. Not realizing that the failed concrete company and the heartbreak behind me was the foundation for the many blessings ahead.

Sitting to my right was one of the few people I trusted at the time, a brindle boxer named Dozer. Yes, he was more of a people than a dog. We’d been through a lot together, I’ll never forget his dusty face as he joined me while I poured driveways and sidewalks from the time he was a pup. I’d keep him on a chain to avoid the pawprints on the wet cement while he’d wait until the job was done and lick my face to lift my spirits when I was beat down by the physical labor. We were on our way to a fresh start. I had accepted a 6 month position as a delivery technician for a new medical company serving Chicago. It was just a temporary job but it was an opportunity to rebuild, form a new game plan and shore up my life.?

In the months leading up to this trip, I had lost the first business I ever started. It was a one man shop where the labor force was me, the admin was myself and the corporate identity was I. Concrete Deluxe was started while living behind on rent in a frat house. I poured more than mud during those years, I poured my heart and soul into that business because it was an identity. Growing up in a modest household of blue collar workers, I always dreamed of having my own business. I saw it as the key to money, freedom and fulfilling the void in my life of a sense of value. It was my way of showing the world that I had made it and that I was worthy. The calloused hands, cuts, scars and aching back were badges of honor and symbols of masculinity.?

When I lost that business due to a bad handshake deal, broken trust and bounced deposits, it was more than a dissolution; to me it was a personal failure. The company wasn’t built on solid ground; it was an extension of my identity and the aggregate of the false ideas that because I knew the trade and because I had the entrepreneur spark, that I knew how to run a business.?

With 100 miles to go and Dozer curled up to my right, I’ll never forget the nervous feeling as I approached the big city and being all alone. I signed a 6 month lease at a little apartment, on the groundfloor slab. Down the road was the office where I would meet my new boss who taught me a lot about business, hustle, stewardship, reading books and paying your dues. The first day on the job, in the heart of the city, a man died right in front of me. I watched his wife struggle in grief as she made the difficult decision to honor his DNR. I learned a lot about loss and love in that moment. I worked in impoverished areas that gave me humility and helped me re-evaluate my own sense of personal struggle. All alone, I would work during the week and go fishing in my free time. I rediscovered my childhood passion for the great outdoors and the faith of my youth. That temporary job not only helped me dig out of the financial hole that concrete company left me in but helped form the footings that would set my life and dreams on solid ground.?

Through hard work, I proved my value and accepted a promotion to stay another year. On the day I would have completed the 6 month stint, I met this beautiful girl who lived a few doors down. She would eventually become my wife, my rock and the mother of our children. A year later, I sat down at my boss’s desk to resign from the job because I was ready to begin pursuing my business dreams again. Fast forward fifteen years and that boss would become one of my best business partners and trusted allies.

Often times our failures are forms that strengthen and mold us. I’ll always remember that drive out of the rubble from a failed concrete company. That green entrepreneur and his trusty co-worker made a journey that cemented the foundation of an entrepreneurial dream.