Failure and What's Happening in Our Brains and Reactions

Whether as an individual or organization, dissecting and understanding failure is vital and beneficial. In fact, some people have a name for the recording of such errors and lack of success: fail files.

That term was new to me. I first read of it in the Taking the Lead feature by Ken Jacobs in the Public Relations Society of America's publication "Strategies and Tactics."

In the article, "Google's Cory duBrowa on the Importance of Listening," duBrowa spoke on the topic of learning, saying "I compare notes and 'fail files' (aka, what went wrong and what did we learn from it), and I find out how others are doing the job. There are so many brilliant communications leaders out there – we all benefit from leveraging one another’s knowledge."

"What went wrong and what did we learn from it?"

"Find out how others are doing the job."

duBrowa (pictured above), vice president of global communications and public affairs for Google/Alphabet, knows that, as he says, "wrong," has to be examined closely and learned from before seeking to improve by researching how other people are doing the job, whether unsatisfactorily or successfully.

Today, I talk about the topic with Cleamon Moorer, Jr., Ph.D. and President and CEO of American Advantage Home Care, Inc. and Friederike Fabritius, MS, a neuroscientist with expertise in the field or neuroleadership.

"Failures have to go beyond anecdotal mentions," Moorer says, "to substantive acknowledgements of situational and contextual dos' and don'ts. It is safer to record and to reflect impersonally from a 'we' or departmental standpoint to help be more objective in assessment of learning."

The process conducted should be well designed and clearly structured.

"We learn so much from what went wrong. The particulars should be codified. I suggest that fail files be managed and recorded in a year-in-review format. Thus, fail files that denote or describe yearly what didn't work as well as intended are invaluable," Moorer says.

As for what is going well, that's different.

"How often do we report about organizational successes? Every chance possible. How often do we want to learn and grow? Every chance possible."

It's not always emotionally easy to face failure, keep our poise and ask ourselves the smart, necessary and difficult questions. How would you apply your expertise in neuroscience to this concept of creating and examining "fail files," as in what does the brain have to do to be receptive to wanting to look at failures humbly, honestly and objectively?

Friederike Fabritius: The two things that keep us from being receptive to wanting to look at failures:

1. the fear of being judged by ourselves and?

2. The fear of being judged by others.

So what do I mean by this? Our brain is very social and so it's of uttermost importance to us that we make a good impression on others. From an evolutionary perspective, we used to live in small groups of roughly 50-150 people, and if you were rejected from that group and were an outcast, that was pretty much a death sentence. It’s painful. Our brains process social pain like physical pain and failure is literally painful as a result.?

Our brains desperately want us to be part of a group, so acknowledging failure puts you at risk of being rejected from the group because others could look at you as a loser or somebody who didn't contribute to the group. That’s why from an evolutionary perspective we are so scared of acknowledging failure.?

That makes perfect sense. Powerful insight and explains a lot about how we're wired and react or respond to failure. You mentioned a second reason...

FF: Then there's the second component of the fear of being judged by ourselves. We all have a concept of our self worth and in the best case, it’s positive.

When our reality does not match that positive perception, we experience something called “cognitive dissonance.” So if you desire to be a successful high-achieving individual and that's the kind of perception you want to have of yourself, failure has no place.

That's why when people make a mistake they often try to pretend it never happened and just continue along with their narrative of the event so they don't have to acknowledge that they did something wrong. We can see that in many politicians when they go down a certain path, they're not very likely to change or correct themselves, because they're afraid that others will judge them and it will make them look weak. So it's not really in our true nature to acknowledge failure.

We almost sound hopeless in the thick of failure yet I know that's not factual and I will presume there is a way through the thick of it to better responses.

FF: What can we do in order to create a culture where failure is possible and where we can talk about it? First and foremost, we need good role models. We need a workplace culture where we have role models who say: failure is fine!?

I assume I know what you are alluding to when you say, "failure is fine," although that might be challenging for many people to think along those lines. Would you be able to provide an excellent example to illustrate how this works well?

FF: For example, my client Trivago, they have something that they call f***-up Friday. Their leaders come together for a Friday afternoon fireside chat with all the employees and they tell their authentic stories of how they failed in the past. It’s very powerful when you role model failure and when you role model talking about failure. It opens up a dialogue for everyone around and makes it safe to talk about failure.

So talking about your failure in this culture does not mean that you will be kicked out. By acknowledging your failure it means that you will probably be considered a hero. The startup culture has done great things in the past decade to improve how we look at failure and we can all learn from it.

That's really interesting: a unique, bold, courageous reframing of falling short or failure. I can see how role modeling would create a learning environment instead of one of condemnation. What else have you found is helpful to talk about failure with some sense of security that the roof is not going to cave in on us?

FF: The second component is having a stable self worth. If you truly feel great about yourself, and if you truly feel that you are worthy, then failing once in a while is not such a big deal.

You don't feel like you have to put up this perfect facade, this perfect persona, because honestly you know that deep inside you are worthy, even if you do fail. In the middle of a mental health pandemic, fostering your self-worth and practicing self-compassion is key.

That's a mighty-big ask. Yet one that is certainly possible with some commitment. If we find this a difficult task, is there a way where we might be able to be more confident about implementing this type of thinking and action?

FF: And here is a perspective that may help you to embrace that: the positive thing about failure is that it actually helps people to bond. When we see someone fail and be transparent about it, our social brain networks kick in and we can relate to that person on a deeper level. So to a certain degree, failure – if acknowledged in an honest way – helps you to connect more deeply to those around you.

But it’s a delicate balance. We love to hear stories about how wildly successful individuals have failed at the beginning of their career and we tend to be not as forgiving with people who don’t have that track record.

Another positive aspect about failing and learning from it is that it strengthens a concept called “self efficacy." If you have experienced failure and were able to “survive” and to find solutions to counterbalance the negative impact it had on you or others, it made you stronger. No matter what life throws at you, you can handle it! That’s empowering!?

Absolutely. I will assume that many reading this today know exactly what you're talking about when you describe it this way. Some other people can learn to think and respond this way too. I might even raise my hand in agreement.

As concisely yet as thoroughly as possible, what happens in our brains when we engage in genuine curiosity in acknowledging and examining our "failures?"

FF: Well, the most natural reaction to a failure in the brain is a drop in testosterone and a drop in dopamine. This drop is detrimental to our performance and motivation and makes us feel terrible. Moreover, if we don’t find a way to channel this experience into a learning experience, this neurochemical drop will increase our chances of failing in the future.?

What we know is that when people succeed, the brain releases testosterone and dopamine, and we feel much better about ourselves. As a result, our motivation, and our performance improve and we are more likely to succeed going forward. The opposite is true when we fail.?

Consider me now better educated. This is incredibly interesting. Going back to the natural reaction to a failure, real or perceived, how can we best respond to it?

FF: I think there are ways in which we can counterbalance that downward spiral. First and foremost, it's important to not get stuck in a state of anxiety and self-doubt, but to trigger the reward network in the brain.?

To trigger dopamine, which is a real brain-booster, helps us to be motivated and happy. To trigger serotonin, which helps us to feel balanced and calm. To trigger oxytocin, which makes us feel great and helps us to bond with others. Together, these neurochemicals are called the "happiness trifecta."

I'm going to study and remember this as my brain is loudly telling me how critically important this is to my future. You talk repeatedly about triggering the release of these neurochemicals. How specifically can we reliably accomplish it?

FF: How can you trigger the happiness trifecta??It’s important to look at your failure with self-compassion and with the question of “What can I learn from it?”

It’s also helpful to?receive some support from our social network, since our brains are so social and we really don't enjoy public failure since it may lead to rejection.?

Having a strong support network, being able to activate self compassion, being able to tap into that situation with curiosity is certain to give you a boost in dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin, which make us feel great, and which also help us to learn from our failures.

Michael Toebe is the founder and reputation specialist at Reputation Quality, a practice serving and helping successful individuals further build reputation as an asset, and when necessary, ethically protecting, restoring or constructing it's health.