Failure: The Root for Success – Embracing the Suck

Navigating through life's challenges, Michael Jordan's story serves as a profound testament to the paradox of success: it is often paved with the very failures we strive to avoid. When we celebrate his six championships and iconic clutch shots, it's easy to overlook the missed attempts and the seasons without trophies. Yet, Jordan himself values these moments not as failures but as crucial ingredients to his legend. He didn't shy away from failure; he embraced it, recognizing each setback as a step toward greatness.

In the pursuit of my goals, I've often stumbled at the first sign of failure, and too frequently, I didn't pause to understand why. Instead of analyzing and learning from my mistakes, I was more concerned about how others perceived me, fearing they might see me as a loser. This concern led me to blame external factors—bad luck, timing, other people—anything to avoid admitting my own role in those setbacks. ?It was a flawed mantra, rooted in pride and a deep-seated fear of failure.

However, over time, I learned to welcome the "suck." This shift wasn't easy; it required a fundamental change in how I viewed failure. Instead of seeing it as a mark against me, I started to see it as an opportunity for growth. I began to take accountability for my actions and decisions, recognizing that each setback was a result of my choices. This wasn't about assigning blame but about owning my part in my journey. It was a powerful realization that the "suck" only feels as bad as I allow it to, based on how I choose to perceive and react to it.

Failure isn't the opposite of success; it's part of its very fabric. The issue lies in our perception of failure. We've somehow come to equate it with a verdict on our self-worth, which is far from the truth. Failure is merely feedback; it's the universe's way of saying, "Try a different approach." Yet, we let it define us, allowing our emotional reactions to amplify the impact and distort our perception of the actual event.

Take the scenario of the new high-rise development in the neighborhood. I feel a surge of anger, thinking it's an intrusion on our community, a selfish act by the developers without regard for our quiet streets. To me, it symbolizes chaos, crowding, and the loss of the neighborhood's soul.

You, however, are not angered but concerned. You worry about the long-term impacts, the potential displacement of local residents, or the environmental implications. Your concern is for the future, for sustainability and the well-being of the community, not just an immediate emotional reaction to change.

Both of us are experiencing stress over the situation, but neither our anger nor concern can alter the city's plans. These emotional responses, while natural, add layers of anxiety that complicate our ability to adapt or seek constructive solutions. It's a potent illustration of how our reactions can amplify the challenges we face, turning a community development issue into a source of personal turmoil.

The lesson here is simple yet profound:

"Don't let emotion dictate how you respond to failure.? It's about responding to the facts, not our feelings about the facts."-?????? Robert Briana 2024

The Journey Through Discomfort and Growth

Embracing the discomfort inherent in pushing our limits—often colloquially referred to as "embracing the suck"—is a well-understood concept in physical fitness. We recognize that to achieve toned muscles and overall fitness, enduring the pain of workouts and weightlifting is part of the journey. This pain, a result of microtears in muscle fibers and connective tissues, triggers an inflammatory response, leading to soreness. Yet, it's this very process that is essential for muscle repair and strengthening.

This acceptance of physical pain for the sake of improvement highlights our capacity to condition ourselves for the sake of achieving our goals. It begs the question: Why don't we apply a similar mindset to other areas of our lives, particularly in dealing with setbacks and problems? When faced with challenges, rather than giving ourselves the necessary rest and care, we often double down, pushing harder without pause, neglecting healthy habits in the process. Influencers tout the mantra of relentless work, perpetuating the notion that "failure is not an option," but is this truly a healthy message?

Failure is often defined as the lack of success or the omission of expected or required action. The issue arises when we let failure define us, tying it intricately to our self-worth, self-esteem, and self-acceptance. We create a vision of success, and when reality doesn't align with this vision, our reaction is often driven by our own personal biases and fears, adding unnecessary stress instead of addressing the situation objectively.

The term that slips your mind might be 'personal narrative' or 'ego,' which colors our perception of success and failure. This perspective can cloud our ability to see failure as a step in the learning process rather than a reflection of our worth as individuals.

The challenge lies in reconditioning our mindset to understand that setbacks, like physical pain in workouts, are part of the growth process. Just as we rest and nourish our bodies to recover from a hard workout, allowing ourselves to heal stronger, we should also learn to give our minds and spirits the space to rest and recuperate from setbacks. This approach to handling failure—not as a mark against our worth but as an integral part of the journey towards success—can liberate us from the fear of failing and open us up to the full spectrum of experiences that shape resilience and character.

?"A life without failure is a library without books—stories untold and wisdom unlearned."-?????? Robert Briana 2024

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Fostering Strength Through Adversity: Nurturing Resilience in the Next Generation

In the quest to raise strong, capable individuals, we often reflect on our childhoods—filled with challenges that taught us perseverance and grit. We understand that these experiences shaped us, yet as parents and mentors, we face a delicate dilemma.

In our efforts to protect our children from the types of struggles we endured, it's crucial to ask ourselves: Are we also providing them with the opportunities to build resilience in a way that's suited to the world they're growing up in? Yes, times have changed, and the challenges we faced may not mirror the ones they encounter.

This isn't to say we should expose our children to unnecessary hardship but to ensure that in our attempts to smooth their path, we don't deprive them of the valuable lessons learned through overcoming difficulties. Participation trophies, for instance, are given with the best of intentions, aiming to boost self-esteem and encourage participation. Yet, they can inadvertently send a message that effort and outcome are disconnected, which is a stark contrast to real-world scenarios where outcomes are directly influenced by effort, strategy, and resilience.

So, the question becomes how we can thoughtfully introduce our children to challenges that teach them resilience and problem-solving skills without unnecessarily subjecting them to the harsher realities we may have faced. It's about finding those teachable moments in controlled environments where failure is safe but instructive, guiding them to understand that setbacks are not endpoints but stepping stones.

As we navigate this balancing act between protecting and exposing, guiding and letting experience be the teacher, the ultimate goal is to prepare them not just to face the world as it is but to excel in it. Teaching them to view failure as a tool and a compass, as you aptly put it, equips them with the mindset that every challenge, every setback, is an opportunity for growth and learning.

The real success, then, lies not in shielding them from every potential fall but in teaching them how to pick themselves up, to learn from each tumble, and to carry those lessons forward. It's about instilling a sense of resilience that will serve them throughout their lives, ensuring that when they do encounter the inevitable storms, they have the strength and wisdom to navigate through them. Understanding that failing is important for kids, not too much, so they can learn that failure is part of life.

?As we chart our course forward, it's imperative that we transform our understanding of failure. Instead of perceiving it as a stumbling block, we can choose to view it as a powerful catalyst for growth and a launchpad for innovation. By cultivating an environment where setbacks are approached with a spirit of analysis and adaptability, where the wisdom gained from each misstep is treasured as deeply as the victories, we enrich not only our personal journeys but also lay the groundwork for future generations. This paradigm shift will forge a legacy not just of success, but of the resilience, tenacity, and adaptability that true success requires.

?Indeed, the endpoint of our dreams is not predetermined by the stumbling blocks or failures we encounter; it is often our own decision to stop pursuing them that truly brings them to a halt. There's an essential distinction to be made between failure and the choice to quit. Failure is an event, often out of our control, but quitting is a choice. It's a conscious decision, sometimes made after much deliberation and for reasons deeply personal and valid. There is no shame in recognizing that a certain path is no longer for us and choosing a different direction. It’s in these moments of choice that we must stand firm in our self-knowledge, acknowledging that the decision to quit, pivot, or persevere is part of the journey of growth and self-discovery. In the end, whatever choice we make, we own it—learning from it, living with it, and moving forward with the wisdom it imparts. End.

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“Without the rich soil of failure, success would have no root to anchor its triumphs.” Robert Briana

Below are three questions inspired by this article. I encourage you to weigh in with your thoughts. Feel free to address any that resonate with you, or if you believe there's a different angle to consider, I'm open to hearing that as well. Your input is invaluable?

1. ?How can we distinguish between being set up for failure in a malicious sense versus being presented with a challenging opportunity that promotes growth.
2. Why do you think we often find it easier to offer comfort and empathy to loved ones who have failed, but struggle to extend that same kindness and understanding to ourselves when we face failure?
3. ?Your kid stumbles upon an article praising the merits of failure and triumphantly declares, 'Guess what, I'm getting an A in failing at school—that's good, right?' ?? Time for a quick parent-teacher conference... in the living room! How would you explain the 'fine print' about failure being a lesson, not a goal?