Failure

In a past article, I used a phrase to describe organizations and service providers that specialize in looking like they're doing something, all the while doing nothing. These are performative-based non-profits and agencies. Performative implies that most of what you see is a performance, a show meant to convey a reality that just isn't there.

Years ago I worked for a large non-profit that constantly pressured us to come up with weekly "success" stories so they could raise money by giving the impression that success was common and we had the formula. We all knew though that failure was probably more common than success, and what the heck is success anyway? If you spend any amount of time working with people, especially in prison, you'd better prepare yourself for disappointment. And, if you follow them out into the community you most likely will experience discouragement, frustration, and several other things that might fall in the category of failure. There is no formula or special programming that produces success. Only hard work and constant evaluation to make sure you're learning and doing all you can to provide opportunities for individuals to do something different.

This last month was particularly difficult for me. I don't often admit that to people because I've conditioned myself to stay behind an emotional line I've created so that I'm not consumed by all the complex issues and problems that nearly everyone has in this line of work. Years ago I was called an upbeat cynic by someone and it seems to fit. I try to stay positive even though I know things are always going to be bumpy. Now and then though, the number of not-so-successful stories start to pile up, stress and disappointment begin to build, and soon it starts to affect you. Here's a sample from the past few weeks…

Dominic was in his late 30's, unemployed, had three children with two mothers, and one of the mothers was very anti-Dominic. By the time he started reentry court I had about 2 years of sporadic contact with him. When I began mentoring him in the program he was homeless and without a job. The court assisted with his housing and I brought him to one of my employer contacts where he managed to stay employed for over a year. Things were looking good until he shot someone in a gang-related incident. Apparently, you can't just drive through someone else's territory without paying the price and if you've still got one foot in the Game this is what you do. Dominic is now doing 20 years, the kids are homeless and without a father, and everyone else just carries on. This is failure.

Hector and I met 10 months ago and began mapping out a plan for employment, getting his driver's license back, and settling down after a lifetime of gangs, drugs, and guns. Hector's joy was his new baby grandson so I tried to keep this motivation at the forefront of everything we talked about. One clue that things began to slip was the 5 different phone numbers he'd had in the past few months. The other night I heard on the local news that he had been shot 16 times in a drug deal gone bad. The grandson lost his grandfather, the family lost another member, the community was rocked by another drug-related murder, and everyone else just carries on. This is failure.

The "not so successful" stories are part of the gig. In fact, they are a major part of this work. The more we talk about what's real and just how difficult reentry is the more we'll understand the individuals we work with and the systems that supervise them. The narrative spinning on both sides is nowhere near reality. Advocates and activists talk a lot about the "non-violent" drug offenders as if the system hatched a plot back in the '70s to go out and locked up every Grateful Dead fan they could find. You might be driving that train high on cocaine, but you've got a couple of guns as well. This is the reality. The criminal justice systems are also good at talking, but we all know that the numbers stay the same because the approach remains the same despite all the new programming. New people come in all excited with new language "re-imagining" how things might look… we've seen this before. Soon they'll be looking for success stories to support their imagination and fuel their funding.

 Sometimes I think the reason we focus on success stories is so that we don't have to deal with failure. Failure is painful and it doesn’t sell. But the reality is failure pretty much makes you who you are if you learn from it and grow as a person or an organization. And when we don't deal with it, we just carry on, unchanged, un-inspired, and unresponsive. I have seen some programs lately that offer hope (this is the up-beat part) and seem to be paying attention to the problems they are experiencing. This is one reason I’ve stayed in the game for so long. What a long strange trip it's been…