Failure is just one way not to do it!

I decided to write this post because I have recently had a few people reach out to me. They wanted to ask me what made me decide to make a change? How was my experience in continuing my education? What motivated me to try that? Did I just know I was going to be great at it? Was it easy? Was I excited about what was to come?

I realized that I too had all of these questions at one point. And someone on the other side shared some wisdom with me. Mainly, it was you are going to be "OK". I was fine. It would get easier... No you are not dumber than I gave you credit for!!!(Yes actual conversational responses!)

What makes some people more successful than others? How do they get knocked down and keep getting up and running into what seems like bigger and better things??!! The answer I have learned is to quote a great speaker "It ain't about how hard you hit: It's about how hard you can get hit. And keep moving forward. It's how much you can take. And keep moving forward. That's how winning is done" Rocky Balboa. And yes I googled it! Because, well, its the best resource out there, if you know what you are specifically looking for!

Like most people I had big plans of how my life was going to go. I took minimal risks, and took active interest in what I had decided or been told I was good at. Because, honestly failing is a terrible feeling. I knew for 100% sure I didn't want any part of it if I could help it!! So I graduated high school, 4+ GPA (weighted college courses), got most likely to succeed, President of my high school class, there are other things, but, I know you are bored and ready to get to the part that is probably not so awesome.

So, any who I went to college. I worked 1-2 jobs depending on if I had an internship and found ways to get paid for them. And I worked hard in school, but I was worn out by also working all of the time, and wanting to be a young adult. College wasn't as easy as high school. I wasn't in my small town where you got your picture in the paper for being homecoming Princess. Where everyone knew your name and cared. I changed my major 5 times, and finally decided on criminal justice. Because law had the most appeal to me, so I graduated with a Bachelors in Paralegal Studies.

I had a 3.2 GPA (one class was for political science a major I changed and the class was all Essay. I missed a few classes and he let me know by giving me a grade that he thought I deserved) Yes still a sore spot. But, it was the first adult life lesson of many. It doesn't matter if you helped half the class in study group and they all got awesome grades and encouragement for their perspective. The one I gave them... Sometimes, people don't like what you reflect, and there is no getting around that.

I graduated college. Got engaged, Got married, and had a baby all within a year! Now the last part, the part about having a baby, was not in my plans just yet. So, I had to find a job, only two requirements. Make money, and has benefits! And so started about 9 years of getting jobs that helped my family.

I gave up on the idea of being great or trying something new. Because it was too risky. And now not only could other people see me fail, my kids had a lot on the line if I failed. I learned a lot in taking the easy route. You can still feel like a failure even when you are not taking risks. I did not live up to the hype I had felt everyone was counting on me to be. I did not live up to what I thought I could be. Because, well you get knocked down a few times, you have two choices to make. You have to decide if you have the fight left in you to get back up again or if you are going to just stay down. And for a while, I just wasn't ready to fight for it. It seemed many people were all too eager to put me in my place.

You see apparently I come off as intimidating and impatient. I will admit I am impatient, but, it is to get the answer right, and my brain moves so fast sometimes I need to talk it out fast to see if i am projecting your response correctly. And I can be intimidating because when I am listening I am hearing every word you say, because it matters, so I do lock in! But, why I do things doesn't matter nearly as much as how others perceive it. After a while you stop explaining why you do things, and do your best to display what others need from you.

I worked really hard to make everyone around me happy. I gave 110% for everyone else but myself. And I was tired. I was tired of feeling like a failure even though everyone was taken care of, our bills were paid, I had paid off college for a couple of years now. I still a bad taste in my mouth in the fact that I DIDN'T use the education I paid for. So I resigned myself to just be good enough.

And than one day I talked to a friend. She had decided to go back to school and become a computer programmer. I heard her speak, and I thought she is crazy, she said something about the fact that I could do that too??? I struggled wanting to throw my computer on a daily basis when it came to testing applications that were designed to make my job easier! How in the heck was I going to do computer programming? I went to sleep thinking of the absurdity! And than I woke up the next day, and I was like, well, why not? I am not happy with what I am getting. Developers are not dumb, and neither was I! Even though I thought they were dumb, and they thought I was dumb... You know the cycle!

So, I tried to talk myself out of it for a week! But, I kept coming back to it, so I begrudgingly took the tour. Seriously, I was like "lets take the test, I don't even want to know about the program until we can decide if I can event do this or not!" Much to my surprise my test scored what I was told was fairly high. Well crap, so you are saying I can do this, "OK"so now what? So, its only 4 months? It's how much? I am going back into debt for school again? So, how likely am I to get a job? Because I have been down that route before. Experience is hard to come by when companies only want experienced people! I talked to people I knew who had done it, and they found jobs and were glad they did it. So, I signed up.

I wish I could say it was an exciting time for me, I put a lot of pressure on myself! It was awesome to be back in a classroom. I love to learn and ask questions! But, it had been a while since I had been in a classroom. I had to relearn how I learned. I remembered what it was like in college to not focus on my studies. So I spent the entire class trying to absorb as much as I could, and I was working on homework and reworking assignments for hours after class and doing it all over again. I was not going to fail without giving every single thing I had.

And there were times when I felt like a failure. I felt like the dumbest person in the entire world! I was scared of the debt I would have to pay back if I didn't get a job after school. I felt bad about the time I was giving up with my family, and I couldn't let the time away from them not be productive. I had to show my kids that if you want something, you have to work really hard to get there.

I graduated, surprised the heck out of myself on what had actually stuck! And I looked back on the 4 months and I did not regret one single minute of extra time and effort I put into my education. Because, no matter how hard it got, I didn't give up. And because of that, I went from not having any coding experience C #(that was a hashtag right?#noItIsCSHARP) to a .Net Developer(computer programmer) with a personal website. And shortly after graduation a job! Now its a good thing I had that fear during school, because I knew how to fight through it at work!

Just like in school there are days where I feel like wow, look how much I have learned!? And than there are days where I am like. I have a brain. I know I do. Now where did I put it....? Moral of the story. I have failed more times in the last 6 months than I have in probably the last 4 or 5 years. And it has not felt awesome. I do not regret taking a risk on myself. I will get better and better. And I will take as many people with me as I can. Because I wouldn't have made it as far as I did, without someone being kind. Just one nice thing to a person in a day can make the biggest difference. It did for me.

So if you feel like a failure today. Wallow in the feeling, let other people make you feel better about it, because it does suck falling down. Dust yourself off and get back up and know you are tougher now. And make sure when you do get up, that you help someone else up too. Because chances are, you will get knocked down again. Its easier to get back up when you see a friendly and encouraging face helping you back on your feet!

Post By: Jacqui Hopkins