Failure does not define who you are!

“It didn’t go well, I FAILED the interview” ….was a msg I got from someone I have known, been friends with, and mentored for years now. When I got this message, I was in a meeting, so the only response I could give was the title of this article – FAILURE DOES NOT DEFINE WHO YOU ARE. At that point, I just texted back but I kept thinking about FAILURE and what it means to us as people and our ecosystems.

A simple google search for “Failure” gives you a “lack of success” and “the neglect or omission of expected or required action”. It takes a lot of courage and strength for one to not take failure as something negative and depressing yet all the people we deem "heroes" and worship have failed several times, dusted themselves up, and used the lesson to step up and keep moving.

One of my favorite Maya Angelou quotes that I have used several times in coaching and Agile sessions over the years is:

"Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better".

I would like to believe what she was actually saying was:

a)      The ACTIONS we take depends on what we know today. What we know today is the asset that drives our thinking and decision making, TODAY

b)     The outcome of the action you take depends on the quality of information currently at hand and your knowledge base Vs the desired state.

c)      The “until you know better” part is clearly an illustration that failure is part of a learning process and instead of being demoralized, we should actually be motivated to try again but do things differently. 

One of the all-time greatest basketball players, Michael B Jordan, has been repeatedly quoted as having said:

“I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I have lost almost 300 games. 26 times I've been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed”.

I have always been the type that never accepted that the spirit in me can be suppressed by one failure so when I first bumped into this quote I felt "this is it", failure is feedback, embrace it and always move on.

Agile embraces these philosophies beautifully. Firstly, in Agile we work in small intimate teams that value close relationships and support systems. The work is done in Iterations (repeats) and at the end of each iteration, you have a retrospective session, time to embrace your failures, and successes prior to planning the next iteration. In Agile projects don’t fail, you fix the problems and still deliver value to the client. The process of iteration provides an opportunity for inspection and adaption in everything you do, every 2 weeks. This culture has a different approach to failure compared to the old school waterfall. In Agile failure is not punished, it’s used as a learning tool as well as a source of adaption; we see it as a “battle” scar so we celebrate all our warriors. In Agile we therefore almost “encourage” failure.

When you embrace these principles at an individual level and live a life of purpose and meaning you create something in you, something bigger than just 1 negative outcome. When you have a purpose in life your action log and perception of life will be driven by that purpose. What you do today, success or failure is therefore just a battle and your purpose is the war. You can lose many battles as Michael Jordan did but win the war like he also did and here we are, celebrating him as a hero.

I find leaders without a purpose not as strong as those with one. A purpose brings conviction and identity into what we do. Leadership is NOT about a title or a role at the office, it’s about something you know better than someone next to you. I believe we are all leaders and life is a master class, we just need to enjoy the lessons from each other.

If your purpose is to help other people, to be a good husband, good wife, to make money or serve God, that is the FOCUS, everything else is just a steppingstone so stay on course.

One of my favorite authors, when I was studying economics at varsity, was George Bernard Shaw. George is also often quoted saying this about life and purpose:

 “This is the true joy in life:

being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one;

being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.

I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community, and as long as I live it, is my privilege to do for it whatever I can. I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work the more I live.

I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no “brief candle” for me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations.”

Can you imagine the company of such a person, professionally or personally?

When I look back at my career, things I have done successfully or failed at, I will declare, without a doubt that I have learned more from my failures than successes. I remember my failures more than my successes and these failures are the warning sounds that play in my mind when I get overcited about things. It is also these failures that have grown and perfected me. In my previous articles, I have talked about my sources of inspiration and the resilience I believe I have. I believe this resilience has come from my failures more than it has come from my successes.

Assuming you don’t have a medical condition, such as depression or bipolar disorder, how then do you dust yourself out of a failure episode and move on to the next chapter? I think you need a dash of arrogance, stubbornness, and boldness. When you are in that pit of darkness, the only thing that is going to take you out is sometimes one or all of those three. Submissiveness and giving up is NOT going to serve your life purpose.  

Some religions believe there is no such thing as failure, they believe when you pray or wish for an outcome and you don’t get it, it does not mean you have failed, it simply means your God is saying “not now” or “not that one” This is like you have attempted to open the wrong door. Move on, keep going until the right door opens. I like this, a lot because it aligns nicely to what we do in Agile – keep trying until you get things right and eliminate failure, overall.

Failing feels negative, makes you feel sick and sometimes it shakes you to the core BUT if you have meaning and a purpose in your life you will remember that it does not define who you are. Success is therefore never ultimate, and no failure is ever fatal, life is a journey driven by your purpose so enjoy the ride.

I hope this changes your views on failure, lets chat...