Failing forward: Helping children adopt the growth mindset to persist and succeed

As I sat on the park bench watching my children play, I observed how they interact, explore, and negotiate their surroundings. The youngest of my two children, a fiery little redhead, is the sort of child that gives you visions of unexpected trips to the emergency room. She is fearless, curious, and rambunctious, with no qualms about taking on risky adventures. At just two, she had already chipped her two front baby teeth after whizzing across the tiled kitchen floor while standing on the seat of her tricycle and plunging over the handlebars. Seriously, that child scared me!

Then there’s my first born. A gentle, more considered child who stands back and appraises a situation before committing to action. He seems to weigh up his skills with the task at hand, and if he isn’t absolutely confident he can do something, he won’t risk it. As I watched him then, this three and a half year-old is looked down the barrel of a big twisty slide. He was unsure. “Ashy do it!” he exclaimed, encouraging his baby sister to go ahead and test the safety of the operation, much like sending the canary into the mine. If she survived, he might attempt it too. Or… maybe next time.

Even at a very young age, we can see children’s characteristics forming. I could see interesting differences in the personalities and attitudes of my two. And like any other parent, I desperately want my children to grow up to be healthy, happy adults who have success and accomplishment within their reach. So, how can I support that?

It is pretty common knowledge these days that success in life doesn’t just come down to innate talent, intelligence, going to the best schools or coming from a wealthy background. Of course, those things certainly give us a leg-up. But people who are lucky enough to have had all of those things aren’t guaranteed success in life, and many who had none of the above have achieved greatness and changed the world. Research has proven beyond doubt that our potential is more a matter of mindset than fortunate circumstances.

Successful people have an ability to persevere through challenge, and this is a key ingredient in Professor Angela Duckworth’s concept of grit. Gritty people succeed not because they’ve won the genetic lottery or had the best opportunities, but because they have passion and perseverance for long term goals.

Some children seem to possess this ‘grittiness’ quite naturally. But, thankfully for kids like my eldest, grit is not something you’re either born with or not. In fact, grit stems from a mindset that can be cultivated. ?

What we believe about ourselves has a significant impact on our future performance. Put simply, if a child believes they are “just no good at math”, they are likely to commit minimal effort and perseverance into their math learning, and so achieve an outcome that confirms they are no good at math. Alternatively, if a child believes “I’m a hard worker, I’ll figure it out eventually”, then they are more likely to stick with the struggle and persist through it, enabling them to achieve a better result.

This is what Psychologist Carol Dweck describes as the difference between a fixed mindset and a growth mindset. In her fascinating research, she found that when children tell themselves ‘I can’t do it’ when faced with a challenge they tend to give up, but when they tell themselves ‘I can’t do it yet’, they tend to persevere and keep trying until they succeed. And while no-one really enjoys failing, a child with a growth mindset tends to perceive failure as an experience that helps them learn and improve.

The brilliant news for parents and teachers alike is that we can influence and cultivate a growth mindset in children. Here’s how.

Helping children cultivate a growth mindset

Teachers and parents have a wonderful opportunity to influence the mindset of children in their care. With subtle guidance, we can help them cultivate a mindset that enables them to sit with the uncomfortableness of challenge, and move forward from failure.

1.??????Set goals focused on behaviour rather than outcome

If a child defines success as achieving an outcome goal, such as getting an A in math, then they will feel that they are a failure if/when they do not meet their goal. By contrast, when the goal is focused on their behaviour, (i.e., I’m going to practice my math for an hour a day, or I’ll keep trying when it’s hard, or I’ll try my best on the test day), they feel more in control, and they are able to focus on and celebrate what they did well, regardless of the score they achieve.

2.??????Praise effort, be mindful of your language

Praising efforts fosters resilience and reminds children of their role in a successful outcome. Often children are praised for ‘being smart’ rather than having a good plan or being diligent with their work. When a child is praised for an ability (e.g., “You are really smart. You are so clever.”), it teaches a fixed mindset. If they have heard many times how smart they are, failure feels like they aren’t smart anymore. Use language that encourages perseverance and praises effort. E.g., “You’re such a hard worker!”, and “Well done on some great effort!”. This helps to foster a growth mindset.

3.??????Use failure as an opportunity to role model a growth mindset

When children do experience failure, we can help them frame those experiences in a constructive light. Failures are a wonderful opportunity to influence the thinking of these young minds. Try these responses:

• That’s ok. I bet if you keep trying you’ll get there!
• You didn’t quite get it this time. What have you learned from all the work you did?
• Every time you try you get stronger and build your skills.
• You didn’t fail. You’re just not there yet.
• I know it doesn’t feel nice when we don’t get the outcome we want. What do you think we can work on so you do even better next time?
• You’re not there quite yet. Keep at it. I believe in you.

4.??????Help children recognise their mastery

Just like we don’t notice our hair growing each day, it is difficult to recognise our skill development over time. Children can fall into self-doubt and a fixed mindset particularly when they can’t see how far they have progressed. Giving children an opportunity to reflect and recognise the growth of their abilities can help train a growth mindset, and a belief that they can indeed learn, improve and master tasks that they cannot yet do. For example:

• Wow! Do you remember when you couldn’t do that at all? Now you’re up to x
• Remember when you had training wheels on your bike? How hard did it seem to get rid of the training wheels? And you got the hang of riding without them in a week!
• At the start of this year, you really struggled with your reading. But you practiced and practiced, and now you are able to write your own stories. What a long way you’ve come!
• Can you remember the first time you tried the high jump? I bet it was a bit scary. How high did you jump the first time? And how high can you jump now? Almost double the height? Wow, that’s amazing.

These strategies really do help. I can absolutely see both my children growing their ability to persevere, lean into challenges, and bounce forward more easily from failure.

More recently, I have written a series of children's books that instill positive messages of resilience, work ethic and self-belief. You can find out more at www.bigglesbooks.org