Fail together, rise stronger!

Do not shame yourself into change - Love yourself into evolution.

Sharma Ji ke ladke ka sabse kam score Physics me hai, wo bhi 86. Or tumhare? Tumhare highest 72 hai wo bhi environmental education me. Koi mazak chal raha hai ye?

What are you doing with your life? Can you at least think about us and stop behaving like you have no shame?

You won’t be going to the sports activities planned for next Saturday. I want to see improvement in your grade sheet, by hook or crook. Is that clear?

What do you think about the above statements?

A parent rightly instructing their kid on being serious about the grades?

Yes?

Absolutely not.

These statements shattered the teen’s enthusiasm, hope and identity. Because now they understood that their identity floats around Sharma ji’s kid. They are not the creative ones having an interest in Environmental studies.

Let me ask you a question.

Do you agree that victory and failure are a part and parcel of life?

Yes. So why do we then fail to accept it into our lives?

For making your kid understand that falling is normal, you should first understand that you cannot shame oneself into change - you can only love yourself into evolution. And the journey from failure to victory is via evolution. You have to make them understand that failure is proof that you tried and gives you hope that you will succeed. Own your failure, the way you own your investment. Tell them that you and your teen both need to be kind when they fail. Because when you create a soft landing space, you are prepared to fall even if you just stumble.

Directing some ways on making failure normal.

• Ask your teen to self-evaluate themselves: While introducing them to self-evaluation, ask them what according to them could have been done differently. Make your teen sketch out a plan with the measures that they will be moving ahead with. Help them in deciding how to do things differently. Make sure there is no blaming involved here. Tell them that their value as a person cannot be diminished by failure. Make them believe that failure has arrived to reveal how strong they are.

• See this as an opportunity: Success is not built on success. Success is the pinnacle of a staircase built with failure. Failure brings frustration, fear and fatigue but this is what they have to overcome, by working correctly and by being self-motivated. Make your teen believe that it is their responsibility to see good in themselves. Motivate them enough and make their needs centred towards improvement and changes. Einstein is a great example supported by his series of failure stories which lastly resulted in one of the greatest innovations. Gather such stories and let them read out for you as well so that they won’t feel bad about themselves and completely can resonate that for being successful, you have to meet failures along the way.

• Introduce them to self-talk: It is important to make the conscious thought get directed positively. Teens are vulnerable hence they can easily consider themselves as someone who failed badly, or someone who is not capable of doing what they are trying to achieve. Self-talk is the process of combining conscious thoughts with beliefs and biases. The belief should always be “I will do it”. If they can remind themselves that they are capable of achieving the results, then being a parent you can program them to convey positive thoughts to the conscious mind. Try your best to eliminate the lack of motivation and space for negativity.

• Put efforts in front and achievement in the backseat: Between the Geeta stating "Tu karma karta ja, bas fal ki chinta mat kar" and 3 idiots saying "Kamyab bano, kamyabi jhak mar ke peeche aaygi" we all recognized the power of efforts or karma. If we are honest, consistent and passionate about the deed we are doing, then success will drive its way to us. Being a parent you should praise your teen for trying hard, no matter how rough the streets look. Make it look like failure is transient and soon your teen will be on the other side. Praising will multiply their enthusiasm for trying. There is no harm in saying,” I saw you putting hours on the test, you will surely make it.

• Don’t push professional help away: There could be a time when all of the above won’t work for your kid. Maybe they are really broken by this one failure and you are not even making sense, in such cases don’t think twice before asking for a helping hand from a professional. Book a psychologist consultant right there and take your teen there giving them hopes that all will be okay and the professional will help them in this aspect more than anyone else can. Make them comfortable with the psychologist so that they can have a smooth conversation.

So the next time when your teen says, “What if I fail?”

You just relax and say, “ I know you have been trying hard. The fear of losing is the heaviest thing you have to deal with today, but hold my hand for a while and throw this heaviness. We will figure this out together. And even if you fall again, it will be tough to stand back, but isn’t this the process? Each time you get up, you are more skilled and more prepared to navigate through the route.”

Fail together, rise stronger!

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