?THE FACT THAT YOU CANNOT WIN THROUGH IS NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY" My son (11) told me this 10 days ago and I asked myself...

...why I had to ask for permission.

In this article I have selected 4 WHYs that I cannot find answers for. Maybe you have answers for us today.

In my private and professional life, I love the WHY. This question always helps me to ask about the value, to find the meaning of what I do. Attention: fun / joy can also be a value worth doing something for.

And WHY helps us to get to the root cause so that we don't work on symptoms. Have you ever heard of the 5 WHYs or applied it yourself? It is important that we do not stick to the first answer.

WHY also helps me to understand my customers better. 

Children ask WHY. I am always amazed at how we unlearn the best experiences while getting older. Addressing this consciously helps me reactivate this again and again.

But back to the title. I was playing a game with my son 10 days ago. The game lasted 1.5 hours.

My son moderated. I ate before the start but didn't drink anything. As a result, I was very thirsty.

In the 10th minute I asked “Can I get some water?”

Son: “No” 

15th. minute: “May I please get some water?”

Son: “No” - a little louder 

17th. minute: “Please ...”

Son: "The fact that you cannot win through is not my responsibility"

Me: "Wow ..." change of perspective

Son: "Why do you have to ask in the first place, you could just get the water"

I was touched and “shaken up”. I took some distance to reflect and found that he was right. How often in life do we ask for obvious things. Sure, I was probably brought up to ask politely. I also don't like it when I always ask permission in the office before I start something.

And once again, I had to acknowledge how much we can learn from our children. If we cannot answer these WHYs, then they help us to reflect. How right he is. I shared this story with other people and for them it was also a real change of perspective. Why do we ask for opinions instead of just doing it ourselves, in line with our values? We just have to be account for what we do.

In these 10 days I came up with more WHYs, for which I have no answer, partly from my children.

 #1  ?WHY ARE GIRLS AND BOYS BEING SEPARATED IN SPORTS LESSONS?"

My kids wonder too. My son adds: "Girls get easier tasks, while they can do everything we do, and not all boys like difficult tasks."

From my point of view, if we strive for a world in which gender doesn't matter, but the skills for instance, then we as parents should stop categorizing children like that. I always say: it starts with how we bring up our children. I don't have an obvious explanation for this separation yet, maybe you dear reader?

Source photo: Pinterest

#2 ?WHY HURRY UP, IS THE WORLD GOING TO AN END?“

This question always reaches me. As a child I often heard "Hurry up". In professional life it also said "the quick one wins"

We then suffer from fatigue and rarely recognize where the cause is. No matter whether in the household or whether we want to go on an excursion, I keep finding myself and luckily enough, my children represent each other.

One of them will always ask: "Why hurry up, is the world coming to an end? ". If nobody is in danger, why are we constantly hurrying? Sure, it gives me a kick personally, but hurrying is not always a good idea. In a world, partly with smart homes and many options that make our lives easier, we keep on hurrying up in our free time. Something that brings me to the statement I once learned that

“Leisure time is not freedom”.

#3 ?WHY DO I NEED TO BE THAT GOOD? WHO MAKES YOU LAUGH WHEN EVERYONE IS SO 'WELL BEHAVED'?"

The first parent talk at school, exciting for everyone involved. I remember it very well: my son's friendly teacher praised him and also said at the end: "But he's the class clown".

The teacher didn't complain, it was a statement. She also showed us examples where she couldn't even be angry. 

I wanted to understand my son better. I gave him the feedback and his answer to it was: "Why do I have to be brave, who will make you laugh?"

It touches, moves and reaches me in a beautiful way every time. When I was in the first class, it was being said: be serious, otherwise you are bad at school. How right my son was, both are possible. Even now, for the 10th time, he's reading all the Harry Potter books, and every time he discovers something funny, he shares it with us. I can't say "not now", otherwise he will lose this ability.

#4 WHY DO WE UN-LEARN SOME GREAT ABILITIES AND LATER SPEND MONEY TO LEARN THEM AGAIN?

There are things we are good at as when we are children, at some point we unlearn them.

Among other things the ability to ask WHY and be proactive. Why are we unlearning these great skills? Openness, meeting at eye level, role plays, just to name a few.

My older son had a friend from the neighborhood in 1999/2000. His parents came from Asia to study in Germany. They learned to ride bikes and inline skates together, they saw each other before and after kindergarten. A close, touching friendship. But my son's friend didn't really notice one thing: the skin color. One day he came in when my son wanted to take a shower. He was terrified of what had happened to his friend.

He said out loud,

"Hey, your stomach is black"

What a finding!

We found that he saw a friend in my son. That was it. The fact that he wasn't wearing much at the moment led him to realize that he had a different skin color.

There are so many examples of how children treat each other. Why is categorization relevant to us? For me it was a milestone in my change of perspective: I had described his parents as "from Asia", a change was needed. They were people with names and neighbors. Just like I didn't want people to say "the black one there". 

Picture source: Pinterest

WHY THE WHYs?

I will continue to ask WHY and will allow these questions. Because this helps me:

• To reflect on my habits and way of thinking
• Understand my customers better
• To do nothing without an added value
• To get to the root causes

And if you don't like the WHY as a word, German is a cool language, there are enough synonyms. See the story on the picture.

“WHY NOT” is also powerful.

Picture source: Pinterest 

Do you use WHY too? You got a WHY-question for me today?

Susan Omondi, 05.07.2020