Facing Up To Challenges

Can you face the really hard questions in life? Well, there’s a challenge! And I guess you might ask, ‘why should I?’ The short answer is that it’s the only way to grow – as a person, as a leader, as an athlete. You see it’s about ownership, accountability, responsibility and authenticity.

When life is rosy and everything is good, it’s easy to take ownership, be accountable for what you do/don't do and say and accept responsibility. But when you're feeling weak, embarrassed, or know you've screwed up – can you still step up to the mark?

In those challenging scenarios Do you ask yourself these questions?

·??????? “What did I do wrong?”

·??????? “What did I do to cause this?”

·??????? “How is this situation my fault?”

I’m sure you can think of some other variations too, but you get the idea.

And then there are the even harder follow-up ones, that call you to action…

·??????? “What do I need to do to fix this?”

·??????? “How do I need to change as a person?”

Do you ask yourself these questions often? Can you step up and be responsible when the chips are down or will you play the victim and go for the ‘poor me’ vote, or perhaps the ‘denial and blame’ game where you take an aggressive stance toward others?

So these questions are only hard depending on the context. If it’s just a little upset, they might be easy to ask of yourself. It gets really hard in those situations where the consequences are dire, where peoples happiness and physical and mental well-being are at stake and where your safety and personal/professional reputation are on the line.

Think of a situation where, if you admit you are at fault, something terrible will happen; people might hate you, judge you, or call you names. Where you’ll be held accountable by law, by your peers/team, or where you’ll lose prestige, reputation or money. Wouldn’t it be easier to not even ask these questions of yourself and just blame other people? Or to say the situation was out of your control? It would surely be better to ‘rationalise’ the situation and say you didn’t have a choice… wouldn’t it? …if you say ‘yes’ to these though, what kind of a person does that make you?

Why are these questions so hard to ask? Because to answer them honestly is even harder! Plus, the fact that for most of the time – we actually delete them from consciousness. In the book ‘Vital Lies, Simple Truths’, Daniel Goleman explains how we deceive ourselves to avoid emotional pain.

From the perspective of self-actualisation coaching, responsibility is key. Paradoxically, being honest and stepping up to take responsibility in those tough situations is often the best thing to do – at the end of the day, honesty goes a long way in the eyes of others. And for your own sanity, honesty is also a lot less taxing than dealing with guilt and trying to maintain a web of deceit.

Coaching helps you become more resilient, so that you can answer these questions honestly, but coaching also keeps you safe from over-responsibility. You see these questions require critical thought processes and reality testing. You have to be objective and not ‘over do’ the responsibility. Years ago, I had a personal situation that, when I was still involved in it, I found myself asking the questions, “What did I do wrong?” and “How do I need to change as a person?”, etc. For a long time, despite finding only some answers, I continued to blame myself, punish myself and take all the heat. It wasn’t until I got out of the situation and gained some objectivity that I realised that for most problems, there are multiple causes and multiple instigators; in my case, after some critical evaluation most of them were not to do with me. And that was the very reason why I couldn’t solve the problem – many of the problems didn’t lie with me and I was being overly responsible. I wish I'd talked to a coach sooner!

My point is that objectivity and the ability to just witness the truth for what it is, is a hard task. Solving problems takes a lot. You need resilient states of mind, exceptional communication skills, reality testing and critical thinking. Unfortunately, there are sometimes no easy answers if all involved aren’t thinking the same way. Then the best question becomes, “What can I do for the best?” and that’s often a harder question to come to terms with. This is why the support of an excellent coach, and good mental skills are essential.

In all of the Self-Actualisation trainings, objectivity, critical thinking, responsibility, wisdom, honesty, justice and every other aspect of leading a life ‘being-the-best-you-can-possibly-be’ are taught and practiced.

Are you up for the challenge of knowing how to answer the hardest questions in the world? Because to be a leader of any kind, you must. So, what do you reckon? Can you answer the hardest questions in the world with honesty?