Facing the Unknown and Feeling all the Feels

I’ve been struggling these last few weeks. One moment, I feel hopeful, then the next thing I know, I want to curl up in bed and call it a day. I’m so grateful I have a job, but I feel guilty every time I turn on the news and see all of the people who are out of work. I feel lucky to be able to afford grocery delivery, but then, when someone comes to my door to deliver that order, I feel guilty again that they aren’t able to be at home right now. I’m glad to be healthy, but I’m horrified to learn about the suffering of others. The difference between these two states –– grateful and guilty –– is confusing, and bouncing between the two is exhausting. How should I feel? What’s the right emotion?

Cognitive Dissonance

I shared my experience with a colleague (Thanks Jessa!), someone I don’t really know all that well. Yet, with just a few words, she was able to make me feel less alone. She told me I was feeling the effects of cognitive dissonance ––discomfort caused by contrasting emotions, or contrasting belief and behavior –– and that many others are dealing with the same kind thing right now.

In some cases, cognitive dissonance helps us learn, grow, and adjust our frame of mind. It causes us to change our stances and opinions. That said, I still feel all my contrasting emotions –– guilty, gratitude, hope, worry. My perspective hasn’t changed exactly, but I have realized and become more comfortable with the fact that I can feel all of those things at once and still be my authentic self.  Authenticity isn’t one dimensional.

There’s no single or correct answer to the question, “How should I feel?” In fact, it should never even be asked. Every single one of our feelings are valid, and there’s no such thing as feeling too much. We’re facing the unknown every single day. It’s OK to be confused, uncomfortable, and when it comes to emotions, colorful. I am a kaleidoscope, and the cognitive dissonance I’ve been experiencing is teaching me to honor the many colors and emotions that make me who I am. I hope you can feel okay with feeling all the feels now too!