F-Bombs: 5 Reasons Why You Need to Drop Them.

First, two important points of clarity.

That subject line is directed at speakers. And the ‘drop them’ means STOP IT. Please.

Whether you’re Gary Vaynerchuk, Tony Robbins. Whether you have some deep, purposeful reason for using them (like ‘dropping f-bombs helps me get through to people who need a breakthrough’). 

Whatever your reason, please read on. I want to get more people who might need your ‘message’ to actually get it.

And no, I’m not some badly twisted, in need of a breakthrough person. I’m simply someone who wants you to do several things: respect your audience, respect yourself even more and help more people be ‘moved’ by what you have to say. There you go — 3 reasons right there.

Let me give you some important background to this (other than the background you’ll get from my LinkedIN profile). Almost 2 years ago now on a rainy Sunday afternoon at home in Singapore I noted that Tony Robbins’ ‘I Am Not Your Guru’ was on Netflix. 

I said to the kids, “Oh you are going to LOVE this, this guy is great.” We settled down; turned it on. And 4 minutes into it I turned it off. Reason: count the f-bombs in those first 4 minutes. I didn’t want my kids, then 12 and 16 to sit through the profanity.

And a few days ago, one of our Members posted on one of our Facebook channels ‘showcasing’ a 2-minute Gary Vee video called “Greatness isn’t about money, it’s about giving and making an impact.” Because of what we do in B1G1, I started to watch it. There were 6 f-bombs in the first one minute — one every 10 seconds. 

I commented like this: “I simply cannot bring myself to watch Vaynerchuk. I know f-bombs will be all over the place and I ask myself ‘would I want my kids to watch this?’ Answer. No way. There are so much better ways to get the message across than with his amazingly limited vocabulary.”

That comment on Facebook garnered a lot of responses. Responses like ‘Thank you for saying this’; ‘Is he trying to be ‘real’ or ‘edgy’?? It is just low rent. Shame, he could make some good points if he used different language and framing.’

And the comments made me decide to do two things; write this post and comment back on the original post like this: “I’ve made a commitment to interrupt and walk out whenever (or it ever) I hear it from here on in. Want to join me?”

Since then the comments have been coming in making me think even more about what’s going on here.

So let’s talk some more about respecting your audience. In my speaking career I’ve had one significant problem — timing. I always want to add in more value than the time allows. [There you go, that’s my ‘justification piece’ right there.] And I used to go frequently over-time.

Then one day, a client in the UK told me, “Paul, if you go over time by even one second — even of your session starts late — I’m going to knock ￡1000 off your fee for every minute you’re over.”

Problem solved! Built-in audience respect for timing.

And since I’m a great fan of tennis, I notice how players (Nick Kyrgios for example) get find massively for profanity — maybe we could do the same for speakers!

Mind you, some people couldn’t take it I suspect. Take comedians like Kevin Hart. 

I thought I’d watch him on a flight last week. I stuck with it over dinner on the plane. And his ‘comedy’ seems to revolve around making not so funny lines (supposedly) funny when he adds the f-word. It's really quite pathetic. And at $1000 for every one he’d be up in the hundreds of thousands at every show I suspect.

Surely speakers and others in front of audiences can create impact and breakthroughs without it. And of course, that's much more challenging — it’s not so easy to do. And therein is the point — the f-bomb is a cheap and (potentially) disrespectful way of using a privileged space in front of an audience to get a laugh OR to make a point stronger. And there are so many ways of making points stronger — that’s point number 4!

Notice how I used an exclamation mark in that last line. I could use it everywhere! Like this! Or even like this! But after a while, it loses its power! 

And that's precisely what happens with the F-bomb. After a while, it just becomes part of your language. And it turns off (as opposed to attracts) sections — huge sections — of your audience. 

And what's the point of that? Trying to make you the speaker look good in your own eyes — "aren't I clever, I just dropped an F-bomb and nobody else would be game to do that." One speaker told me recently that he thought that’s why people ‘loved’ him. And I asked him if he missed the 30 plus people who walked out after his second one.

This is surely not what speaking is all about. It's about moving people to a higher level NOT dragging them (and you) to a lower one. It's about INclusion, bringing as many people with you as you can as opposed to EXclusion. There’s point number 5.

I like what my friend Dale Beaumont (a fantastic speaker and entrepreneur, by the way) promises on his web-site: No Hype, No Gimmicks& No F@#% Bombs

“We believe entrepreneurs and business owners are smart people.

That’s why we refuse to use gimmicky, American-style sales-techniques. Plus, we believe in keeping things clean. So you won’t hear Dale drop F-Bombs or do anything else to belittle his audience.

Instead, what you can expect is world-class content, beautifully presented and a delivery style that is highly professional, organised and uplifting.”

Sadly though, some speakers who get invited to share Dale’s platform don’t adhere to that ‘no F-bombs’ piece. And when they drop them, you can feel it in the room. People really do feel more than belittled. It’s more like assaulted.

Of course, we’re all different. And that’s part of the magic of being alive. So I don’t expect you to agree to stop dropping f-bombs.

I would love it though if you stopped and asked yourself, ‘would I want my kids (or for that matter my wife or parents) to be watching me dropping f-bombs everywhere.’

Gary Vee’s profanity-laden video that I mentioned earlier is supposedly about leaving a legacy. 

And if you think about that for just a moment, we just can’t escape the fact that f-bombs have an angry edge to them. 

Is that really the legacy we want to leave?