Eyes Wide Open: The Day After IWD

I watched this year’s IWD plans form in the Mention Me office in recent weeks; ‘overhearing’ conversations (real and on Slack). The blog post that interviewed senior women leaders across several organisations; the internal panel discussion featuring women and men alike.

Initially I was just an observer. I wasn’t sure my input would be helpful to a day that’s about celebrating women. Female colleagues convinced me it’s because I’m a man that I should contribute to planning - and to writing this piece. As I did, I reflected on moments in recent years that opened my eyes wide to the injustices women face for being women.

International Women’s Day was first celebrated on March 11th, 1911.?

IWD was then made ‘official’ with UN recognition in 1975.

Here’s my question:

Why had I not heard of IWD until the last few years?

In school I learned about Guy Fawkes and the Gunpowder Plot. The date 5th November was etched into young students’ consciousness by way of a rhyme.?

We were taught that St George’s Day is 23rd April. And - I don’t know why I know this - I can tell you William Shakespeare was born on the same day.

Not to diminish these events at all, but why has IWD, celebrated specifically on 8th March since 1917, been so invisible - to me at least??

Another question: so I’ve been conscious of IWD for a little while. But how long have I been mindful of it? Truly mindful as to what it means to me? To women? To other men?

Depressingly perhaps, it’s a relatively new thought.

What I do know is that with each passing year, the reasons for its existence gain sharper focus to me.

In October 2015, I was happily in a job when a headhunter invited me to interview for the position of head of news at an energy company. I was scheduled to meet with a very senior woman who ran communications at the time.?

During the interview I asked if I could get up from my chair, telling the interviewer that “I think better on my feet”. It’s actually true but it was also a touch contrived (if risky). I’d done the same in previous job interviews - exclusively with men. On those occasions the move had successfully taken the formality out of the occasion and encouraged more of a conversation. My interviewer signalled it was fine, so I did.

I felt the session went well.?

The recruiter - a female - phoned me the next morning to say I wouldn’t be progressing to the next round. I asked her for feedback.

“I’m sure you didn’t mean to scare anyone Mark,” she said, “but while you were pacing around, you were, at times, between your interviewer and the door. She told me she felt you’re a 'big man', who she didn’t know, between her and safety. In the event that things were to go bad, she had no means of escape.”

I was thrown. Is that…is that really how women have to think??

I try to imagine what it feels like to know that a business meeting represents a potential threat. I can’t quite summon it up. I understand it but can’t feel it. That’s how weird it is to me. Because I’m a man.?

And I think there’s a point there. We men know about the pay gap. We know our female friends and family members feel they take a calculated risk going out alone after dark. We hear casual misogyny. We know this stuff goes on. We abhor it. We just haven’t felt it. Is that why (and this feels shitty just to write) we haven’t done enough about it?

We certainly haven’t done what I hope we would have if this conversation was about discrimination on the basis of differently coloured skin, sexuality or religion. Why the hell have we allowed this to be the norm for so long?

Soon after IWD last year, a man killed Sarah Everard. During the unifying outpouring of grief that followed, I read a social media post published by a woman. It said something like: “Of course we’re scared of you men. You’re bigger, stronger and faster than us. Whenever we’re with you we’re aware that should you want to, you could kill us.”

I mean…bloody hell.

So here I am. Eyes wide open. I’m still unsure exactly how I can be of most value both on IWD and throughout the year but I'm trying to look at it in new light. I’m grateful to work for a business in Mention Me that’s determined to drive uncomfortable but important conversations to mark the issue - as opposed to the day.

IWD can be tough to get right for men who really want to support. I consider myself enlightened and educated but I’m still capable of catching myself saying clumsy, idiotic things. And that’s before I even start considering the unconscious biases I’m not (yet) aware of.

It’s probably unhelpful that I suspect the motives of men who appear to try too hard and manage to make campaigning for women all about themselves. My distrust of them almost matches my despair for the tone deaf response of #NotAllMen to a conversation that desperately - and constantly - needs to be had.

But I’ll do what I can because something’s got to give. An ugly status quo needs to be broken. Whatever changes become normal - from crossing the road when walking behind women to ease any fears they’re being followed, to being clear with our bosses how strongly we men feel about equal pay and opportunities at work; we have to be a loud and proud part of it.