Eyes on the Road and Hands Upon the Whe-uhl

Every time I work with a new group of brilliant, motivated up-and-comers, we find new wrinkles in the fabric of strategic communications, proving over and over how vital mastering this concept truly is.

The most recent workshop, where we distinguished between strategy and tactics, also surfaced the role of selfish satisfaction in the communication/persuasion process. In other words, you say something that feels great in the moment, only to realize within seconds that it has pushed you farther from your desired destination, and out into the current taking you who-knows-where!

For example, you are away on a work trip and call home to speak to your significant other who tells you that he/she has washed the bedding and done a deep clean of the bathroom. They are proud of themselves and ever so slightly smug, or so it sounds to you.

Do you (a) thank and congratulate them, (b) give in to your ongoing frustration about domestic workload division and remind them they've done the work only twice all year while you do it all the damn time, or (c) change the subject immediately and talk about the hot wings in your hotel bar?

Yes, it's a trick question! You should never choose a tactic before you clarify your strategic objective. Do you want your SO to feel guilty about the unequal division of labour at home? Do you want them to willingly step up and do more? Do you want them to back off and let you do it but appreciate you slavishly in the process?

Clearly, your desired outcome will change the tactics/comments you choose. Making your partner feel shame and guilt while blowing your own martyr horn is unlikely to motivate them to pick up the slack. It probably won't even make you feel vindicated because your rant will likely come back on you, making you question your worth as a human being. Or not.

There are two distinct dynamics at play here: one is the choice of appropriate tactic to move your target towards the desired goal. The other is the natural human tendency to vent first and think later. We may well know what we want out of the conversation and we may have even chosen the correct tactic to get us all there BUT the knee-jerk need to vent and dump derails all the work that's gone before and may create new problems, giving you more opportunities to do it all wrong and do it all over again!