The Eyes Have It

Have you ever been to a presentation where the speaker doesn’t look at you in the eye? They just don’t connect with you, and soon you’re nodding off into lah lah land.

Or have you been in a presentation where the speaker eagle-eyed you? Now that wasn’t very comfortable either, was it? The answer lies somewhere between these two extremes.

Good eye connection creates credibility. Good speakers build credibility so that others like them. So why should you want others to like you? Because when people like you, they’ll see the better side of you.

If people don’t like you, they’ll see the nasty side of you!

I know which side I’d prefer to be on when I’m speaking!

So how do you establish good eye contact? Speakers who are arrogant hardly ever look at you–have you noticed that? They scan around the room and barely look at you when they’re talking.

Speakers who keep on looking at you all time are cloying. It’s just too much of something as you question their motive. 

The answer is balance–neither too little nor too much eye contact.

If you’re a listener, the rule is to keep up with eye contact to show that you’re listening intently.

When you’re the speaker, look into the listener’s eyes for about 3 - 4 seconds, then look away, then look back again.

Alternate doing this until you finish what you’re saying, or the listener stops you to ask a question. Connecting with your eyes this way is the best way to build likeability and rapport, and ensures the listener gets your message.

Try it first with a friend. See how that goes. Learn from that, and next time you’re making a work conversation with a peer, boss, or customer, do that.

 You will come across much friendlier and warmer as a communicator.

 Oh, one last thing. When the topic is appropriate, smile while you’re talking!

 What are your thoughts on the tips?