EXTREME SPORTS FOR MEN IN SUITS

Some of us like to ride pushbikes down Mt Everest — dive off cliffs into the distant ocean far below — perform skydiving ballet while plunging towards the ground at 200kph. Others get their kicks watching Lego Masters, co-presented by Australia’s only certified Lego professional — whatever that might mean —who answers to the unlikely nickname — Brickman. I know this because this astonishingly silly program precedes 60 Minutes, which this week featured two wrinkly middle aged men slugging it out to be the next Prime Minister of Australia.

Not a pushbike, swimsuit, parachute, or wrestler’s wading pool full of jello in sight. But an extreme sport nevertheless, as they juggled questions like: Can you guarantee wage rises will outperform inflation? Please answer in 60 seconds.

I hung on for the obvious follow up: How will they solve hunger in the 3rd World — or perhaps — how will they bring about world peace? Please keep your answer short.

Eventually I lost the will to live as this asinine gibberish went to air. A jowly Anthony Albanese and a grim-faced Scott Morrison were hard at it by that stage — but I felt Farmer Wants A Wife might be more instructive.

Perhaps - I wondered —?we have arrived at Australia’s first truly dumbed down Federal election whose every development can now be understood by those with the attention span of a housefly — the intellectual agility of an earthworm.

The current wisdom? We’re headed to a hung Parliament.?Labor wins a few seats — but not many - cos Albo screwed up the quizz question: What’s the Reserve Bank cash rate? The Libs lose a few seats - cos everyone hates Scott Morrison — even though he’s a terrific talker and claims to make a great curry.

Inner suburban seats fall to the Teals — a mob of largely natural moderates who’ve run off the rails on climate policy (they think we should have one) — gender equality (they favour it) — and integrity (they think politicians should get some).

The Prime Minister hates them. He hasn’t visited their electorates and says he won’t bargain with them to achieve power in the next Parliament — assuming Labor doesn’t become the new government instead. This self imposed ban on bargaining is nonsense, of course. There’s never been a politician who wouldn’t strangle a kitten to achieve the corner office.

Moreover, given most of the Teals are essentially small “L” Liberals. If they held the balance of power how many would likely rejoin the Coalition as the LNP’s powerful, new un-far wright wing? Or give up?and join Labor instead.

Nobody, however, seems to think the Coalition can win in their own right. They’re a wonderful bunch of tremendous economic managers and they have a real plan for Australia. No one knows what the plan is — but that’s OK. We’ll take their word for it.?

Also, the economy —after nearly 10 years of Coalition rule —?is saddled with record breaking debt, ramping inflation and skyrocketing interest rates - none of which were supposed to happen until the day after the election.?

But none of these issues are the real problem. Nor our shambolic defence strategy. Nor Scottie’s easygoing ability to make lifelong political enemies in the Solomons, Timor Leste, New Zealand, China, France and potentially New Guinea.Nope! The problem, the argument runs, is Scottie himself. Bit of a whiff. Like the cat left something unpleasant on the carpet.

The other truism in this election is the polls are rubbish. Don’t like ‘em. Don’t trust ‘em. Political commentators got egg on their faces believing the polls in 2019. Won’t happen again. The unheralded wrinkle in this logic is all the polls have strongly favoured Labor for well over a year. They vary a bit, but by and large, they point to a Labor landslide. Repeat - landslide.

The pollsters are terrified of their own numbers because?the egg faces problem. So they spout —?margin of error — seat by seat results might differ —preferences could flow less predictably?—undecided voters still — well - undecided. Sections of the media are also terrified. They seem to believe the world, as we know it, would come to an end if the other mob got in.

Maybe they’re right — but I’d be curious to hear Albo’s longer than 60 second answer to curing hunger in the 3rd World, or fixing the economy — if ever he got to take a shot at it.

On the other hand, I can always watch groups of kiddies, youths and the occasional dad, building things out of Lego blocks on national television. After all, and at the very least, they do seem to have a plan.?

I’m #philackman and this #philackman article first to air on #cairnsfm891