No extra innings...
Not that we have a choice but I don't know which is easier: Losing a family member or loved one suddenly or knowing that the end is coming so you have time to mentally prepare yourself. What's your first reaction?
Having presented those options for your consideration, we all know it's not easy either way. And some may make the argument (as I have done, yes I have) that when someone dies suddenly at least there wasn't a long period of suffering for themselves and their families. It's quick. The suffering is in the adjustment period that comes afterward. The anger. The replay of all the actions that led up to it that could have been reversed, if only we had known! It's unnecessary torture but we all do it. It's human nature.
I think it's also human nature to take someone else's death personally, even though those of us lucky enough to be breathing are exactly that - lucky enough to be breathing. Instead, we sometimes put the focus on ourselves and our suffering, failing to see the bounty of wonderful things staring us in the face. "I'm devastated, I lost a family member!" "He was my best friend since college!" "Send your prayers, I'm suffering terribly." But Leslie, you say, of course we have to grieve, it hurts to lose someone! There's shock and horror and confusion. Those are all real. To which I agree, yes.
But I beg you to also celebrate the beauty that this person brought into your life. Try to be happier that you had time with them than sadder that they left. Remember what it means to enjoy another day of adventure here on this planet, whatever it might bring, to have another opportunity to affect someone else in a positive and meaningful way, to simply appreciate the abundance that the earth is providing for us. We'll all get to the big party in the sky eventually. Let's try to focus on the good stuff we have here in the meantime.
And these reminders are as much for myself right now as they are for you or anyone else who might need them. In a few days Michael and I will be heading back to Texas to celebrate the life of his sister who just passed away suddenly. Part of the recovery, at least for me, is that there are other family members to comfort. I can be there for them, I can reminisce, I can help organize the memorials, I can sort through important documents, go along on coffee runs, whatever they need.
It's weird, of course, to look at the last picture of I have of her which was taken 4 months ago. She's happy, healthy and sipping coffee with her siblings, daughter and myself. We were having a blast, actually! How rude of the universe to unfold such a terrible scenario. But it did. And as Michael like to say - quoting Ted Leitner calling a San Diego Padres game where the home plate umpire was very slow to make his ball and strike calls - "The officiating isn't going to adjust to us, so we'll have to adjust to it."
Cheers, Leslie