Externalities

My grandmother on my father’s side was one of the best businesswomen I have ever met. While my grandmother on my mom’s side was more empathetic and caring, my dad’s mom was analytical. She would think through all aspects of something before she made a decision. When we went to Illinois to visit both sets of our grandparents, we spent much more time with my mom’s parents than my dad’s. I didn’t understand why until after my dad’s father passed away.

I visited my dad’s mom shortly after my grandfather passed away. My sister and brother stayed the night with my mom’s parents, so I had grandma one on one. She wasn’t that good of a cook as she rarely would. That evening she made what she called a “depression dinner” of creamed chipped beef. It wasn’t good, but my mom always told me to eat whatever is in front of you and don’t complain. Over dinner that evening, I found out how my grandmother became the businesswoman she was and helped me learn the mindset I used many times to overcome challenges, especially on January 15, 2009.

My grandmother was an original “Rosie the Riveter.” In 1933, she went to work on the factory lines in a plant that produced alcohol. Not isopropyl alcohol, the drinking type of alcohol. Prohibition just ended, and it was one of the few jobs that were available to women in central Illinois during the depression. She was quickly promoted to foreman and then supervisor when she was having my dad.  She told me she went back to work a couple of weeks after having my dad as she didn’t want to lose the job. She was making business decisions for a company that started to thrive in an industry that was just given a new lease on life. She told me that during the depression, everybody was struggling, and if you couldn’t do your job, there would be 100 people waiting to take it. She learned there was no such thing as a “pity party” and you had to produce.  

During the war, the factory went into overdrive as they needed to produce different types of alcohol for the war effort, sort of like what is happening now during this pandemic. Both my grandfather and grandmother were working, so my father was by himself a lot and had to learn things for himself. I started to learn that is why my dad was so focused on being self-reliant, and there are no excuses.   We talked about why she didn’t seem to get upset when her grandchildren stayed with the other grandparents so often. She then shared something that was a great learning experience for me and helped me throughout my life.

My grandfather would smoke three packs of unfiltered Salem’s a day. He passed away from lung cancer, and he never had much energy to play with his grandkids. She is the first person to teach me about externalities. She told me that she didn’t want us to be exposed to second-hand smoke that grandpa gave off that could affect our health and things that we didn’t have any choice about. She told me about “externality,” (which was the first time I had ever heard that term)  and throughout my life, there would be things that would affect me that I couldn’t or wouldn’t choose to be involved with.  She told me there would be times that I could benefit from these third-party decisions, but more often than not, negative things like the depression or war would affect my life. She told me always to stay aware of what’s going on around me so I could make the best decision for me.  I didn’t think she was religious as I never went to church with her, but she then told me, “do what Jesus told the disciples to do, stay awake.” 

When my dad told me at my first Christmas break from college that my grade point average wasn’t acceptable and if I wanted to go back to college, I had to pay for it myself, I called my grandmother.  I knew she would give me a “talk” and tell me to take responsibility for my decisions, but she would also have compassion and come through for me as I intentionally spent time with her. I knew I messed up and thought this was one of those “externalities” she was telling me about but quickly learned it wasn’t.  I brought this situation on myself, and no outside forces caused me to have a subaverage grade point average but myself. She did loan me the $1000 to help me pay for college, but I had to pay it back to her in installments. I also learned where my dad got his mindset of self -reliance and keeping your word.

I recently spoke about this topic, externality, on a podcast. What happened to me and the other 149 passengers on US Airways 1549 was something that affected all us that we didn’t choose.

This pandemic is another example of an externality that none of us have chosen to be involved with and was caused by a third-party force.  There is no direct compensation for having the results of the externality. As my grandmother taught my father and me, you need to have a strong mindset and rely upon yourself to survive and thrive. I believe that had some impact on the decisions I made on January 15, 2009, and is the reason I did my TEDx talk about “Bouncing Back” and growing from a traumatic life experience. Success does leave clues, and I have been fortunate to have mentors and people in my life that took an interest to teach me. A grandmother, whose philosophy was to help her grandchildren find “where the land mines in life are.” Another grandmother who taught me self-reliance and in life, there would be things that happen out of my control, but I had to deal with them and be strong. A mother who held her kids to a standard and showed how to do that with love and mentors, such as Bill, who gave me life lessons through real-life experiences that were trusted to me to pass on. 

We all have and know people who can help us with the “externalities” that come throughout our lives. In my upcoming book, I am sharing how to find those mentors, recognize the lessons they impart, how to implement them in our life and then mentor the next generation so they can be ready for the externalities and land mines that all of us have in our lives, such as we are all in right now, called a pandemic.

When you get into a challenging situation, think about all the resources you have available, knowing you have many resources you can call on if you ASK! Everyday equip yourself with focused execution, empower yourself with resourcefulness, and transform yourself with gratitude so you can be the inspired leader and servant leader, ready to serve others first.  

LEAD YOURSELF FIRST!

 Dave Sanderson is the President of his firm, Dave Sanderson Speaks International, based out of Charlotte, NC. On January 15, 2009, Dave was one of the last passengers off the plane that crashed into the Hudson River, best known as The Miracle on the Hudson, considered to be the most successful ditching in aviation history. He has built a career as a motivational speaker, mentor, and author. Recently named one of the top 100 Leadership Speakers in Inc.com, Dave averages over 80 speeches a year for major corporations across the world.