Is External Accountability Overrated?

Recently, I came across a quote that made me rethink what drives true effort.

We don't rise to the standards we have when others are watching, we fall to the standards we have when no one is watching.

The only work that truly matters is the work done when no one is looking.

It reveals who you are, not just who you claim to be.

This struck a chord:

Why do I act differently when no one is around?

Without an audience, external pressure fades, and my true motivations surface. When my actions depend on others' approval, my standards fall as soon as the scrutiny ends.

This realization stings; it shows that lasting effort must come from something deeper than external accountability—it must come from personal conviction.

This brings up the question: How do I build conviction, especially for things that benefit me but don’t offer immediate rewards?

Conviction comes from understanding what truly matters. Connecting my actions to a sense of personal meaning makes even the toughest tasks worthwhile. But finding that connection is not easy. It’s even harder with work assigned by others. This disconnect between what we do and what we value is a source of the restlessness so many of us feel today.

I witness this in my son’s approach to learning, time and again.

He’s passionate about coding. He spends hours perfecting a program, and I often have to remind him to take a break. His natural curiosity and determination drive him forward.

But that same focus doesn’t carry over to subjects like English or History. When it comes to those, he does the minimum, especially when there’s no one to supervise him.

And I understand why.

I see the same pattern in myself. Like my son, I’m most engaged when the work resonates with what I find meaningful.

These observations make me question a long-held belief.

Is there value in learning things we don’t enjoy?

My initial thought is yes—tackling difficult or uninspiring tasks should build discipline, right? But does discipline only come from doing what we don’t care about? Or can it grow through challenges in fields we’re passionate about?

When my son spends ten hours developing an inventory system for his game, isn’t that discipline?

This brings up a bigger question:

With a vast library of human knowledge only a click away, memorizing facts feels less important than ever. I can almost hear my son asking, “Why do I need to learn this?” I thought the same thing when I was younger, and sometimes, if I’m honest, I still question parts of it in my work today.

So, what does real learning look like?

In my experience, it begins with curiosity. True curiosity doesn’t need an audience. It drives learning from within. If I push my son to study subjects he finds irrelevant without demonstrating their relevance to his interests, I risk extinguishing his natural wonder. But when I encourage his interests—like coding—I see him develop essential skills: creativity, critical thinking, and resilience. He learns to solve problems, adapt, and push through challenges, even when he’s alone.

So should I let my son focus solely on what he loves?

Yes, but only if I approach it differently.

If I insist that he engage with subjects he finds irrelevant, he may comply, but he won’t truly learn. Instead, I need to show him the connections between those subjects and his passions. The communication skills he gains from English are vital for explaining complex coding concepts and securing buy-in from others. Insights from History could deepen his understanding of technology’s societal impact, encouraging him to think more critically about what he creates. When he sees these links, what once seemed pointless might spark genuine interest.

So, what’s the bigger takeaway?

Learning shouldn’t be driven by external expectations. It should come from curiosity and personal relevance. For my son and me—it’s not about forcing knowledge or skills because “that’s how it’s done.” It’s about making learning meaningful and preserving that spark of curiosity.

When learning is driven by genuine interest, external accountability fades away. Passion fuels itself. And that changes everything.

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