Extend Trust

Are you more inclined to distrust others than to trust them? Or do you give away your trust prematurely and regret it later? Neither extreme is useful when building effective relationships. In my 20+ years of coaching and leading others, I find that the majority of relationship snags are rarely caused by people trusting too much; they’re caused by people trusting too little. 

But many of us find it difficult to trust. Why? Certainly, what we read in the news or what we see in our environment can breed suspicion. But sometimes, we shut down a naturally trusting heart because of our early conditioning. For instance, a friend of mine learned to mistrust when she was very young. One day in the car with her parents and two sisters, her mother announced, “The only people in the world you can truly trust are in the car right now. Never forget that.” She’s spent most of her life trying to overcome that programming.

So, how do you learn to trust others? Start by recognizing that trust is more than a nice feeling. It requires action. It’s not enough to say that you trust someone. You need to turn your trust into an act by extending it to others. And when you extend trust, do it wisely. This means using your head and your heart when dealing with people and situations. Always assume a high degree of trust first (heart), then follow it up with three quick assessments (head). Try the following steps when learning to extend trust:

1. Assess the situation. Identify what you’re trusting a person to do. Deliver a weekly report on time? Win an important legal case? Sell software? Build a rocket? Honor and cherish you until “death do you part?”
2. Assess the risk. Identify the potential risks. What happens if the person to whom you’ve extended trust fails, underperforms, gives up, gets distracted, or missteps? Are the stakes for failure high, or can you tolerate a learning curve? Be realistic and objective here.
3. Assess the credibility. Consider the character and competence of the person to whom you’re extending trust. Do you trust them to be honest and follow through (character)? Do they have the experience or skillset necessary for the task at hand (competence)? If not, do they have the discipline and drive to grow into it?

Once you’ve made the three assessments, you can better determine what to do. If the risk is relatively low and the credibility of the person is high, extend trust. But if the risk is high and the credibility is low, you may need to slow down the process and work with the person to increase his/her skills before you extend trust. In some cases, even when the credibility is solid, the risk may be too high to extend trust.

Remember, always start with a high propensity to trust. Then follow it up with the three assessments quickly and consistently. If you do, you’ll be well on your way to trusting yourself to extend trust wisely to others.

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