Exquisite manipulation

The true importance of leadership has come to the fore once again during the coronavirus pandemic; different characteristics of great leaders are rising to the surface during times of extreme pressure, while equally exposing the inherent weaknesses of others.

The normal leadership attributes are relied on in crises are once again in high demand, such as the ability to be authentic, reassuring, relatable, purposeful, deliberate, trustworthy and dependable. The list goes on.

Yet one characteristic that hasn’t been quite as prevalent in the last few months, given the uncertain times we find ourselves in, is charisma.

Make no mistake, it remains hugely important in galvanising action and offering a positive vision of what is to come.

I was listening to the song Chequeless Reckless by Fontaines D.C recently, which references charisma as ‘exquisite manipulation’.

It’s a phrase that keeps turning over in my mind, as my immediate reaction was to disagree.

But there’s something in it.

Charisma has always been one of the most mercurial, desirable attributes. Exquisite yes, although equally used throughout history used in some of the most devastating ways, on occasion leading humankind to the edge of the abyss.

Manipulative? Now this is the part that really got me thinking.

I’ve long held the belief that how you are perceived can be whittled down to key moments, reinforced by folklore. These moments become so persuasive over time that they colour how other people treat you and also how you act with them.

There are plenty of people I know who perceive me a little differently to the reality of who I really am. It’s grounded in truth of course but they see an accentuated version of my personality.

The reason for this is their view is based around key moments.

There’s no set definition of what defines a key moment; it could be anything from behaviour (good or bad) in memorable social situations, challenges accepted and overcome, sporting triumphs and disasters, work meetings that changed the future of a project or even the destiny of a business.

These defining moments act as pillars of perception. They are often set out early in any relationship and reinforced at increasingly irregular intervals, taking root when those around you revel in, re-tell and mythologise the story.

Your stories are your authenticity when told by other people.

The days, weeks, months and years in between these moments are quickly forgotten or re-cast as part of the already-set narrative in some way; a Red Dwarf-style perception filter remains pervasive.

I mention it because having a clearly defined voice, style, back story and purpose is an important part of charisma. We all play a big part in defining, and therefore to some extent manipulating, our own narrative.

The other side of the charisma is not as easily manipulated. This is being comfortable in our own skins, embracing who we are and knowing that what we stand for will resonate with others.

This comes more naturally to some but, whoever you are, it can still be learnt. Knowing how to show up, how to control conversations, how to deflect criticism, how to engage individually or with an audience, how to communicate with the most impact, and how to get people to follow your lead are skills that can be developed.

There is no single right way of doing it.

After all, being true to yourself is fundamental to charisma. There is quiet, intellectual charisma or loud, physical charisma, with a spectrum of different variants in between.

Like most things, the secret to charisma is making whatever form you choose appear effortless. For some this requires practice behind the scenes and careful observation of what works and what doesn’t.

Stand-up comedians are a perfect example of this; the best acts are timed to perfection, presented in beats and honed repeatedly through audience interaction until they appear off-the-cuff.

All of my childhood heroes were charismatic in different ways. They made me laugh, they talked with authority, they were quick-witted, socially electric, talented and forged their own path.

It’s only with hindsight I’ve found I always looked up to those who were inherently flawed yet glittered with flashes of genius and comedy. Not only that, they had the self-awareness to straddle confidence with humility.

I still admire these same traits. Football manager Jurgen Klopp has a similar type of dazzling, off-beat charisma today as snooker player Jimmy White did when I was a kid.

When Jimmy lost his sixth snooker world title final in 1994 to Stephen Hendry (again) in a last frame decider, he was asked for a few words immediately after defeat.

His reply was quick and said with a twinkle in his eye: "he’s beginning to annoy me"

That summed up charisma for me. Everyone laughed, everyone always did with Jimmy. He played to his every-man, people’s champion persona to perfection, despite no doubt being exceptionally disappointed at missing out on the title once again.

Charisma is inclusive. It makes you feel part of what is being achieved or felt by others.

Anybody can do it, it just requires honing through experience, self-awareness and – in some cases – very deliberate practice.