Expressing Thanks: Love Languages Edition

Welcome to Love Mondays More the weekly LinkedIn newsletter that delves deeper into the ideas and concepts driving my Love Mondays email newsletter series.

Why ‘Love Mondays’? Mondays are often the low part of the week, earning the title of “worst day of the week” by the Guinness World Records. So I aim to provide a 4-minute caffeine hit of content to fire up the other 10,076 minutes of your week and stave off the Monday malaise. Don’t just live Mondays, love Mondays!

This week, as my friends in the U.S. celebrate Thanksgiving and we all gear up for a season of giving and gratitude, it's worth pondering: while gratitude is a natural part of our personal lives, does and should its essence extend into the professional realm?

The practice of gratitude - and its sidekick appreciation - are powerful forces for elevating our wellbeing and our relationships, both at home and at work. Numerous studies indicate that embracing gratitude in the workplace can dial down stress, cut down sick days and amp up satisfaction with both our jobs and our relationships with colleagues.?

But expressing gratitude at work can sometimes feel like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. It can seem a bit awkward or out of place, leading some of us to tuck it away for those milestone moments, like work anniversaries or hitting a target.

Leaders should be the torchbearers, setting an example for others to follow. However, a recent study published in Harvard Business Review suggests the opposite is occurring. The research reveals that the higher you climb the professional ladder, the less likely you are to express gratitude. This shift seems tied to a growing sense of entitlement as individuals ascend through the ranks, where relationship-building takes a backseat.?

Not the news we'd hope for to foster an engaged and flourishing workplace.?

I wonder though if it’s merely a reluctance to say thanks, or perhaps our gratitude is being expressed but not being received because we're not adapting to the appreciation style of our recipient.

Tuning into how your team likes to be thanked

Have you ever considered the way you like to receive appreciation? If you haven’t, it might be worth checking out ‘The Five Love Languages’ by Dr. Gary Chapman. This book revolutionised our understanding of emotions and relationships, becoming the ‘relationship’ manual for many.

Chapman posits that we like to receive affirmation (in a work sense) and love (in a personal sense) in distinct ways such as Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch (if you’re curious about yours take this quick quiz here).

He describes these as different languages, making the point that if we don’t tune into the language both we (the giver) and the person we’re seeking to appreciate (the receiver) are speaking with, we’ll end up lost in translation just like we would with foreign spoken languages. In other words, our appreciation won’t be received.?

Now I wish ‘Love Languages’ had been given a different name from the get go because the reality is Chapman’s concept extended to any form of meaningful relationship–client, colleague, business partner etc but the title didn’t scream ‘read me business people’!

Seizing that gap some years later, Chapman wrote? 'The 5 Languages of Appreciation In the Workplace,' which addresses the diversity of gratitude and appreciation in our professional lives. It underscores that, like love, appreciation isn’t one-size-fits-all. Just as in personal relationships, each of us has unique ways of giving and receiving appreciation. And understanding these nuances can significantly amplify the impact of our expressions of gratitude.

“Everyone wants to be appreciated, so if you appreciate someone, don’t keep it a secret.” - Mary Kay Ash, founder of Mary Kay cosmetics.

Interestingly Survey Monkey ran a survey to delve into the dynamics of love languages in terms of appreciation at work and unearthed some insightful findings:

• Gifts (33%) and Words of Affirmation (32%) emerged as the top love languages for receiving appreciation at work.?
• However, 73% of individuals use Words of Affirmation to express appreciation to their colleagues. On this sample set, this means a significant over-indexing towards words of affirmation, which could contribute to people not feeling appreciated despite leaders feeling like they make every effort to.?
• Younger individuals (18-29) lean towards Quality Time, while their older counterparts show a preference for cash bonuses. Millennials, in particular, expressed a fondness for experiential rewards, such as prepaid trips.

While this is one sample, it serves as a useful awareness raiser and conversation starter.?In the LinkedIn poll that I conducted last week, mirroring the Surveky Monkey one, it was Words of Affirmation that also stole the spotlight with an impressive 70% majority.

Take a moment to audit your team, and you might just pick up on some love languages in action. The key is that people tend to give out what they like to receive. The folks running the Secret Santa would be over the moon for some small, thoughtful gifts. That group of people that arrive early and stay late to help you set up and pack down your presentation, bet they’d appreciate some extra mile ‘acts of service’ in return. And what about those team members who always speak up and shower others with praise? Odds are, their love language might just be Words of Affirmation.

Everyone loves to feel appreciated, and appreciation is critical to long-term thriving relationships, of any nature. Try adapting according to the love languages around you and see what difference it makes.?

1. Be more attuned: By observing the ways in which individuals naturally express gratitude, you can tailor your own expressions of appreciation to align more closely with their unique preferences
2. Be more consistent: One study found that employees who received regular, small rewards including a simple thank-you, were 8 times more engaged. So, don’t wait for formal occasions to express appreciation. Whether through a quick thank-you email, a shout-out in a team meeting, or a handwritten note, small moments of recognition can make a big impact on morale.?
3. Be more creative: Think beyond traditional forms of recognition and consider personalised approaches that showcase thoughtfulness and creativity. From heartfelt handwritten notes and personalised playlists to organising a team lunch or themed events, there are numerous ways to express thanks that range from budget-friendly gestures to more elaborate initiatives.
4. Be more inclusive: Foster a culture of appreciation by encouraging team members to share their preferred ways of receiving thanks. This inclusive approach ensures that everyone feels valued and acknowledged.

P.S. ?As we gear up for 2024, I'm curating fresh and impactful topics that I believe will breathe new life into your organisation’s learning and development landscape. If you're eager to shape your 2024 L&D strategy, please reach out and let's start a conversation about how these topics can be tailored to uplift your team and propel your organisation to greater heights.

For those planning events, whether you're in the pursuit of a keynote, interviewer, or emcee, I’d welcome the opportunity to explore how I can help elevate your event and make it a truly transformative experience for your audience.?