Exploring Your Intentions vs. Your Energetic Impact as a Leader

My son and I were recently debriefing a situation that was giving me some pause.

As we discussed some of the facts and key points, he listened, digested, and then asked me an important question:

"Mom, I hear you're saying the impact this is having is not the intention of the other person, and that their intentions are good; but what about the impact of the decisions they keep making? And their actions? What about the impact on you? Where do you draw the line between intention and impact? And at what point does one's intention really not matter anymore if the actions create an impact that is negative or causes stress or contraction in YOUR system?"

Damn.

My kid.

Through our work at Active Choices, Inc. , we often get these types of questions when teaching the IEP Method? and our Leadership Models.

The questions of:

• What if my intention is great, but my delivery has a negative or unintended impact?
• Is a positive intention a 'get-out-of-jail-free' card? If someone keeps having a negative impact but their intentions are good, does that let them off the hook?
• When I do have a negative or unintended impact, how do I navigate that and clean it up?
• What if I'm the recipient of negative impact, or something is not working for me, but I know the other person's intentions are good?
• If my team or leaders or XYZ, keep telling us that their intentions are THIS, but the impact is THAT, what do I do with that?!

I hold a belief that 99% of the time humans have positive intent — whether or not we know what that "positive intent" is.

It may be positive in obvious ways that feel great for the receiver: their intention is to build a stronger relationship, create a healthy and safe culture, be generous, serve, be a good friend, leader, boss, lover, partner, etc.

And it can be "positive" in more hidden ways we won't understand from the outside: they're protecting themselves, they've been burned before, they're scared, they don't feel safe, they do have some kind of agenda, etc. Or... they just don't know HOW yet to manifest the outcomes that they want to come from their intentions.

The latter is usually what's happening when negative or unintended tangible and energetic impact occurs. This has an effect on the receiver and, ultimately, the "container" and quality of the relational dynamic. In my experience, very rarely is it nefarious, malicious, or even overtly intentional; their positive intention is to protect themselves in some way or to get what they want (even if they can't see it themselves consciously yet). Cool, don't we all want what we want?

Yes, there are scenarios where there is manipulation or deceit at play, and while I have witnessed and even experienced these in both the personal and professional realm, I believe whole-heartedly this is not the norm.

Three things can be true at once:

1. We humans are going to human.
2. People generally do their best with the information, awareness, and capabilities they have at the present moment.
3. It is up to each of us to stay aware, curious, and responsible for how we take care of ourselves in these dynamics, for what we tolerate, for how we communicate, and for how we choose to proceed.

In the scenario above with my son, for example. I know this person does not intend for their actions to create the impact I'm experiencing. They're clear on their intentions, which are positive. But the impact of their actions — for me — does not at all support their intentions, and ultimately will not lead to our shared intentions for impact. So we have a misalignment. Cool.

The goal here is awareness, self-care, and finding alignment if possible. And also, quickly discovering if alignment is not possible because "no, not that" can be just as powerful, and even more so sometimes, than "yes, that."

Here's the thing: you both — or your team or whomever this is playing out with — have to do your work.

Authentic alignment cannot be found in contraction, judgment, blame, or protection. Alignment requires presence, curiosity, care, authenticity, and an openness to explore what's in the mix.

Note that this openness doesn't have to be full expansion, yet. In relational dynamics, sometimes full vulnerability and expansion are best to be earned. (And that's okay.)

In organizational dynamics we see this all the time as well. A leadership team states that its intention is to enable space for risk, creativity, vulnerability, growth, and honoring the values on the corporate walls, but then acts in ways that completely go against any of the originally intended outcomes:

• They shut down new ideas, punish failure, and over-schedule their workforce (compromising risk and creativity).
• They don't practice direct engagement or presence or intentional impact and only allow for sunshine and positivity (compromising authenticity and vulnerability).
• They plan connection meetings and development programs, but then are late, don't show up, or participate half-heartedly (compromising connection and growth).
• They say what the values are (and maybe even DO some of the actions that would demonstrate them), but they show up in a way that is incongruent. Who they are BEING as leaders — their intentions, energy, and presence — leave people feeling careful, disconnected, and not trusting the original intention.

These scenarios can be extrapolated to one-to-one relationships, team dynamics, organizational dynamics, and personal or professional situations.

Isn't being human awesome?

So what to do?

If you are the receiver:

• Check-in: What IS the actual impact you're noticing? What do you believe the intentions to be? What meaning are you assigning the impact you're experiencing? What of your experience is being created from assumptions or past experiences? How DO you actually feel? Really.
• Ask them about their intentions, get clear about truly what's what here, AND then make sure you communicate what your experience of the actual impact is. They can't address it if they don't know what's happening for you. If they're not interested in addressing it or listening, they don't care, or they're not interested in realignment-- that's excellent information you want sooner than later, and a new kind of conversation.

If you are the intender:

• Check-in: What IS your true intention, especially if you sense it's creating tension or pain or unintended impact? Is your intention truly the intention? Look underneath. And then underneath again. Is your intention leading you truly to the outcome you want to have?
• If your intention is clean, and you're good with it, stay there. If it's getting you the result you want and you feel the way you want to feel, stand strong. Stay true to you. But if it's not creating the impact you want, and you care; it is worth exploring, communicating, and seeking re-alignment.

How can everyone win?

Queries to reflect on:

1. Do your leadership intentions line up with your actual impact?
2. Do your organizational intentions and policies align with the actual impact they are having?
3. Do your intentions for yourself support and align with the impact you want to have in your life and on your relationships?

Worthy queries, wouldn't you say?

If you'd like to explore how to use these principles in your company, align your organization, and/or train your leaders and workforce so that their intentions, energy, presence, and impact align, reach out. We'd love to talk to you.

Ready to Up-Level Your Leadership and Company Culture?

At Active Choices, Inc., we offer a variety of pathways to support you and your company, from training pathways , experiential keynotes , and memberships in the Positive Energy Workplace Initiative? community platform. Learn more at ActiveChoices.com .

If you’d like to stay connected and continue the journey together, here are some great ways to get started:

• Register to join an upcoming executive session to learn more about how the IEP Method? can positively impact your leadership presence and increase the ROI of other training initiatives. Learn more and save your seat here.
• If you're curious how leaders are using the IEP Method? to grow as leaders AND create bottom-line impact with their company culture, view our recent webinar: The Currency of Culture: How Presence and Energy Awareness Impact Business Innovation and Profitability .
• Our recent Virtual Open House is a great way to learn more about how you and your company can learn and use the IEP Method? to support your company culture. View it here.
• Download our new eBook and companion videos sharing the top 3 company culture blind spots and insights.
• Reach out if you’d like to schedule a connection call to discuss your unique opportunities and explore options together.