Exploring the two sides of a relationship as one

“In the delicate dance of love and space, true art lies in finding the perfect rhythm, where both partners can flourish individually and together.”

~Krescon Coaches

Have you ever flown a kite before? It’s a beautiful experience especially when you see it high up in the sky. The kite is enjoying the view from the top while you are celebrating its success in reaching that great height.

But what does a kite need to soar? Wind and String, mainly. The wind provides the freedom and opportunity for the kite to rise and explore new heights. It allows the kite to dance and sway, experiencing the thrill of independence. However, without the string, the kite would be lost, adrift in the vast expanse of the sky.

At the same time, the string provides the anchor, the connection that grounds the kite and keeps it tethered to its source. It offers stability, security, and direction.

A kite that flies too high, without the grounding influence of the string, risks losing its way and crashing.

Similarly, a relationship that neglects the bond of love, prioritizing only individual freedom, can become fragile and break apart.

To truly soar, a kite must find the perfect balance between the wind and the string. Likewise, if we look at a relationship, it flourishes when there's a harmonious blend of space and love. By understanding and nurturing both, we can cultivate relationships that are strong, resilient, and capable of reaching extraordinary heights.

In today’s newsletter, I am here to enable the exploration of the true alignment of a relationship. Before I begin, let me ask you one question – What do you think is the true essence of a relationship that makes it last eternally, be it romantic, business, or any other?

The symmetry of a true relationship

Oh, Angel Sent from Up Above

You Know You Make My World Light Up

When I Was Down, When I Was Hurt

You Came to Lift Me Up

Life Is a Drink and Love’s A Drug

Oh, Now I Think I Must Be Miles Up

When I Was a River Dried Up

You Came to Rain a Flood

Coldplay’s legendary song ‘Hymn for the Weekend’ sums it up perfectly when we talk about relationships. The lyrics express a deep appreciation for a loved one who has significantly impacted the speaker's life. The person is idealized as an angelic figure who has brought joy, comfort, and renewal. The lyrics use vivid metaphors to convey the transformative power of love, comparing it to a drug that intoxicates and rain that rejuvenates. The overall tone is one of gratitude, admiration, and euphoria.

“Love is the wing that propels a relationship, while space is the wing that keeps it burning bright.”

~Krescon Coaches

As we embark on this journey of love and connection, remember that the most beautiful relationships are those that are both deeply intimate and profoundly independent. Let us cherish the moments of shared joy, weather the storms of adversity together, and always strive for a balance that allows both partners to soar.

Remember that love does not demand ownership over the other, nor does it harbor the need to control. Love is not love when you say you love someone because of so and so reason. Love is love when you experience love for someone despite the shortcomings or the successes.

Remember that where there is no space, there is no room for the relationship to blossom. But if you give space, the departure happens smoothly, that is even if a separation must take place due to whatever reason. At the end of it, there is no possessiveness or obsession with or from the other person.

A partner’s presence is all that is needed, not their control. For any relationship that flourishes, there is a certain high to it that just lights up the spirit of life within.

Kate: “I was supposed to be special. I didn’t ask to be, but they made me feel special when I was ill. And then I was special when I nearly died and had a transplant, but then they just expected me to be normal and get on with life.”

Tom: “There’s no such thing as normal. It’s a stupid word. Does a lot of damage.”

Kate: “Nothing feels right. You’re the only person that makes me feel solid, like I exist.”

Tom: “A part-time cycle courier who doesn’t even have a phone?”

Last Christmas is a movie about love and healing. Kate is dealing with her long-held depression as she struggles to oscillate between the perceived notion of what it means to be special and normal. Along her journey, she finds a friend and confidant in a man named Tom who is simply there for her, especially as she hits rock bottom. But somehow, she cannot have him with her whenever she wants. She always seems to find him somewhere in the ‘in-between’ of her situations.

He disappears and then a few days later she finds him waiting for her on a bench.

Kate: “Missing and kissing. It’s like we’re almost having a relationship.”

Tom: “Kate, there’s something I’ve got to tell you.”

Kate: “God… the <there’s something I’ve got to tell you> moment. Okay, let’s go through the list. Um… You’re gay?”

Tom: “No… it’s…”

Kate: “Married?”

Tom: “No… there’s…”

Kate: “Uh, you need space?”

Tom: “You can’t depend on me.”

Kate: “I don’t depend on you. Who said anything about depending on anyone?”

Tom: “Listen, you said it yourself. I mean, you’ve been having a tough time after all the trauma and… Look, I’m just worried…”

Kate: “Oh, so now it’s my issue? Look, if this is about commitment, then you just need to say it, because I can’t do this anymore. I look for you. I look for you everywhere and you’re never there. And it makes me feel really bad about myself. And I’m finally getting better and not feeling bad about myself. I’m not going to heal my heart and then give it to someone who is going to break it. I won’t.”

Kate leaves after saying her piece but hardly giving Tom any way to explain himself. She walks away, leaving him, and herself disheartened. In the movie, Kate is a character who depends on Tom to fill the void she feels in her life. But one must realize that any other individual cannot fill a void or compensate for what’s missing in the other person’s life. That is not what they’re there for. A partner, in whatever relationship, is there to simply be where the both of you can cherish each other’s presence. However, one often thinks they are complete when another person enters their life.

I deem this kind of responsibility too heavy a burden to bear. This is not how a relationship functions where one gives and the other takes. It is meant to align the wings of love and space to create a symmetrical form of relationship.

Therefore, ownership, control, possessiveness, or obsession; do not encompass the definition of a relationship. It’s only love and space that when experienced wholeheartedly can let each other grow within their own potential. There is no helping one another but rather letting, nudging, or making one fill their own void or cup of life.

I end this newsletter with the beautiful words of the same song:

you said ‘drink from me, drink from me’

when I was so thirsty

poured on a symphony

when I’m low low low low

?

oh I oh I oh I

got me feeling drunk and high

so high so high

oh I oh I oh I

now I’m feeling drunk and high

so high so high