Exploring Self-Confidence: Understanding and Cultivating Your Belief in Yourself

It may come across as critical, but every era has its popular topics. There was a time when narcissism took the spotlight, and another when jealousy and envy dominated conversations. Now, self-confidence and its close companion, self-assuredness, seem to be everywhere.

The more we encounter this theme, the more we might find ourselves saying, "I have this too," or "My friend also exhibits this." However, self-confidence is highly personal, just like those other trends.

In this article, I ask quite a few questions that I ask my clients on confidence. My aim is to evoke an awareness on your perception of self-confidence.

Your Perception of Self-Confidence

• What does self-confidence mean to you?
• How do you envision a confident person?

Before we dive further, let's clarify that we're discussing self-confidence, not self-esteem. While they may sound similar, they differ. We'll touch on self-esteem later.

• What about the opposite of self-confidence—self-doubt?
• What does it evoke?

Although we may share similarities in some aspects, we all have unique images in our minds. Sometimes, seemingly simple questions don't have straightforward answers but are worth exploring.

• Beyond emotions and self-perception, where in your body do you feel self-confidence?

Why am I questioning the meaning of Self- Confidence for you?

These questions may seem unusual, but they serve a purpose.

These are some of the inquiries I pose to my clients when working on self-confidence. As I've mentioned before, self-confidence is deeply personal. If you've been following me regularly, you know that I prefer to analyze things on an individual level.

Self Identity Discovery

In coaching, the focus isn't solely on topics; it's on people. That's one of the first things we're taught in training. Consequently, we examine not only the subjects but also the emotions, experiences, and self-identity of the person bringing up the subject.

Seeing the Big Picture

We aim to understand the complete picture within the context of their values, vision, and identity. This approach allows us to go deeper and create meaningful, sustainable changes rather than skimming the surface.

According to Aristotle, a virtuous life leads to self-confidence. It's like finding the right question; without it, we can't find the right answer.

If you think, "I lack self-confidence; my self-esteem is low," I have another question for you.

• Is it a blanket statement, or does it apply only to specific areas of your life?

Everyone has something they excel at and feel more confident doing. Therefore, it's essential to know where you feel confident and where you don't before passing judgment on yourself.

Situational Lack of Self Confidence

In my previous podcast episode, I discussed self-doubt. I shared my experiences and dilemmas when transitioning to a new job. However, does experiencing self-doubt in certain situations make me an overall insecure person?

No, it doesn't. This is situational insecurity, and it's normal. People experience fluctuations in self-confidence due to changes in life circumstances or the influence of others.

I visualize life's journey as a graph—a graph with peaks and valleys, filled with minor ups and downs, never a linear path. From this perspective, it's clear that we can't always have unwavering self-confidence in everything we do. It's not a binary choice of either having self-confidence or not; it's more like a growth mindset, which I discussed in this article.

Systematic Lack Of Self Confidence

Then there's the matter of systematic confidence or lack thereof. You might appear confident on the outside but wrestle with doubts internally. During social interactions, you may wonder if you've said something wrong or if people are judging you. This is where self-confidence comes into play because it often arises when we perceive ourselves as inferior or unequal to others.

At this point, I'm reminded of psychologist Albert Bandura's concept of self-efficacy. He asserts a direct link between self-confidence and self-efficacy, and I find it hard to disagree.

What is self-efficacy?

It's a person's belief in their ability to accomplish a task, achieve their goals, or perform in specific situations. Essentially, it's a self-assessment of one's competence.

Now, let's get personal.

• On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you believe in yourself and your abilities?

Regardless of your current score, remember that lacking self-confidence now doesn't mean you can't build it later. Anyone with a growth mindset can work on improving their self-efficacy.

The things we tell ourselves shape our identity and eventually become our reality.

This brings us to a critical question:

• Do your beliefs about yourself truly belong to you, or have you internalized them from external sources?
• So, my second question is, on that 1-10 scale of self-belief, where do you want to be?
• How can you bridge that gap?
• Who or what can support you in this journey?
• What can you introduce into your life to nurture self-belief and self-efficacy?

Let me share a personal example. I had a minor fear related to driving, especially in heavy traffic. However, this year, I decided to confront it. I had to because living in a remote area meant that, unless I wanted a dull life, I had to drive.

So, I bought a car and slowly started driving. After a few days of practice, I completed a trip to a nearby town without panicking. It was an exhilarating feeling, and it boosted my self-confidence. It showed me that I could face something I'd been avoiding for years and do it quite well. This accomplishment had a profound impact on me, and I realized how significant even small activities can be in building self-confidence. Remember that journeying towards self-confidence is not linear; it's a fluctuating path filled with peaks and valleys.

• So, my final question is: Can you create a support network consisting of friends, family, or a therapist or coach who can make you feel good, provide encouragement, and offer constructive feedback?

If you want to include me in your support network, you know how to reach me through the service link in my profile. I hope this article has been enjoyable for you. Don't forget to share it with your loved ones or anyone who might need to hear it. Be kind to yourself!

Thanks for reading Mindfully Yours newsletter, I hope you enjoyed the topic. Here are some ways to access more mindful living tips:

→ Contact me if you're interested in working together on Coaching.

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Warmly,

Emine