Exploring Possibilities: Moving Forward Even During Challenging Times

When one door closes, another opens. 

I always hated that cliché. I preferred believing I could jimmy the lock or force the door open somehow. Whether it was a huge cut in my pay due to the financial crisis of 2008 or a string of setbacks preventing my dream of becoming a mother, I didn’t care much for finding alternate doors. I figured if I could wait long enough or knock hard enough, I could get the door I wanted to open. 

Cancer brought me face-to-face with the realization that I couldn’t control everything. Now, the ongoing challenges of the pandemic, like a cancer diagnosis, is forcing so many of us to deal with the shock of doors closing. Whether it’s the loss of a job you love, the cancellation of all of your 2020 plans, the indefinite postponement of a trip, or the stress of paying rent, the world we thought we knew is gone. 

How do we find ways to move forward even in the midst of this challenging time? 

I haven’t found any magic answers for dealing with unforeseen or unfortunate circumstances, but here are a few of the steps that have helped me move through difficult times: 

• Feel It. I used to keep myself too busy to acknowledge the weight of anxiety. Now, when things fall apart, instead of ignoring my feelings, I try to get to the other side by actually feeling them. I find a quiet spot to cry, or grab a journal and let my anger or frustration spill out on the page.  
• Worst-Case Scenario It. At some point, the tears and frustration stop, and the bargaining begins. I think about all of the possible worst-case scenarios I am facing and how I would cope with each of them. I construct mental contingency plans that prove to myself that I’m resourceful and give me a sense of comfort in knowing that I have gotten through difficult things before and I can create a plan to get through this too. 
• Spin It. Over the few days following a difficult situation, after the heaviness of feeling my emotions, I navigate my way back to a question that has become my go-to during life’s more challenging setbacks: “What is possible for me now?” This question helps me shift my focus from all the things that are not possible, and opens me up to considering something I might not have thought about before. 
• Iterate It. Once I come up with new possibilities to get me out of feeling stuck, I try them on for size. I talk to members of our A Fresh Chapter team, I write about them, I see how it feels to say things out loud. I see which things start to feel “right” and which things don’t. 
• Try It Out. Then, I choose one potential path and ask myself what is the next step I could take to move closer to this new possibility? I try not to get caught up in the seemingly endless steps that would ultimately have to happen, and instead, think only about the first step. I remind myself that I’m free to change my mind at any time, but with each small action, I can feel less like the victim of my circumstances and more like the creator of my future. 

As I inch towards a new possibility in my life, I sometimes feel overwhelmed by the uncertainty I’m feeling. But then I remember the words of one of my mentors: 

“Uncertainty and possibility are two sides of the same coin.” 

Something about this quote challenges me to believe that no matter what happens, it’s always possible to find a new way forward. 

A modified version of this article was originally published on the A Fresh Chapter blog. For more information, visit A Fresh Chapter’s website: afreshchapter.com/blog/.