Exploring Inclusive Leadership

Polarities are all around us.

?Every time I watch the news on TV, I see editorialists yelling at each other. Each one trying to prove their view of the world is the only one that matters.

?I had the “opportunity” to be an immigrant twice. I’m using the word “opportunity” because it gave me a unique outlook on what it means to be a foreigner and to be part of a minority where my “Frenchness” was subject to all kinds of stereotypes: Arrogant? Check. Smelly? Check. Always late? Check. Not reliable and enjoying life? Check. I’ve often heard all those cliches under the veil of sarcasm and always replied with a smile, saying: "Yes, you know… That’s how we are…”

?I left France at 27 so I hardly identify as French any longer. My five-year stay in California was very influential, and I’m in the process of getting my Swiss passport as a future binational citizen. Through that journey, I’ve enjoyed the tensions and polarities I had to face within myself to construct a new identity. I’ve now realized that no one can tell us how we should identify. This visceral question covers a set of deeply ingrained values and beliefs that connect us to who we are.

?In my mind, I like to represent “Identity” as intertwined spirals: the way I see myself, the community I belong to, then my country, my religious beliefs, my gender, my sexual orientation, the profession I chose and so on. Identity is a muddy aggregation of many concepts representing “us”. It’s never clear and stable. We never truly know who we are unless someone says or does something that offends us. Then we feel a trigger, and we feel hurt, and we choose to either stay silent and endure or become very vocal and fight. Our need to feel seen and heard for who we are is relentless. Belonging is paramount to our existence.

?Back in 1986, the philosopher Michel Serres, who was born a few kilometres away from my hometown and had lived much of his life as a proud Stanford professor, visited my high school. We had the honour to speak with him for one hour. The format was a Q&A session where he would take our na?ve questions and give us enlightening answers. At some point in this exchange, he said something that truly stayed with me: “I never feel more Southwestern French and proud Occitan than when I am in Paris. I never feel more French than when I am in Europe, and I never feel more European than I when I stay in the United States.“ We carry our identities with us, whatever context we might be in AND they keep adapting according to our context. This is a bilateral relationship.

?This long introduction helps me go back to the topic: how do we approach inclusion in the workplace when the core of who we are is not often 100% clear to us, and yet we may feel unseen, discriminated, undervalued, and ostracized? And if I don’t feel this way and think that the workplace isn’t the place to bring such topics to the table, how do I behave or even engage with people who feel and think differently?

?Through my 10+ years of coaching and facilitation, I’ve heard people say to me on different occasions the following statements:

-?????? “I have the feeling that as long as the top management is only filled with white males in their fifties, there’s not a chance for us, women. The only women who succeed behave like men and sometimes even worse than them because they want to prove that they are no lesser than men.”

-?????? “I’m feeling so guilty to engage with people on this DEI topic. I’m afraid that as soon as I open my mouth, I’ll be made wrong by my colleagues or by HR. I’m afraid of expressing myself simply because I’m a white heterosexual male. There are things I’m ready to change and accept at work and things that I don’t find acceptable at all. I don’t see those as racist or discriminatory. As an equal opportunity employer, I think this is the guideline that should apply to all, by not giving any special favors to certain people based on their gender or religion.”

-?????? “The amount of fear I felt in this for interview, simply because I was and looked different really struck me. Now my colleagues and I get along well, and I felt like I had to prove myself twice as hard to get there.”

-?????? “My colleagues don’t realize how much it hurts me when they use the wrong pronoun when addressing me. I’ve told them so many times and I’m done shutting up.”

?Many of you might be thinking that the wonderful Maylis Djikalou and I are running another DEI training with our workshop.

?We aren’t.

?We are not surfing the wave of “DEI-washing” – like there is green-washing – to make companies look good and pretend allyship. We’re here to help you have real conversations around deep issues in the workplace and choose for yourself what feels right according to your context.

?I personally don’t like to be considered “woke” or as a “DEI cheerleader” because that’s not the way I see myself. This is at the same time the point of this workshop (how to voice an opinion on this topic) and the fact that our opinion is irrelevant (when we want to facilitate a conversation and create an inclusive space). We are here to help you answer the following questions:

?“How do I create space of conversation as an inclusive leader in the workplace where such topics even expressed from antagonistic points of view may be discussed freely, without taboo, with the least possible bias and with respect?

?And how do I enter these conversations without fear, outrage, and offense and instead with an open will, an open mind, and an open heart?

?And when I don’t agree with you, is this alright? May I still stay in conversation with you without rejecting you and reducing you to one aspect of your identity?”

?I believe that DEI shouldn’t be born from a place of offense, rather, born from a place of tolerance. Yet the pain that some of us feel makes it extremely hard to find this resource within us. It’s years and years – sometimes generations – of rejection that are expressed through us: do I have the power in me to see how reality looks on the other side? Can I cross this bridge?

?In a world where we seem to become increasingly interlinked with one another and the world becomes scarier by the day, I believe no one feels “global”. We feel indeed lost. We are tempted to claim our identity as a shield to give us that precious sense of belonging to whatever community we may identify with. It makes us feel safe and sometimes it even makes us feel vindictive. We want to exist.

?One would agree that this looks like a seed for war. In certain parts of the world, it is already.

In other parts, it’s brewing.

It leaves little room for us, peacemakers.

It leaves little room for us to try to build bridges in places where we can.

?Maybe the workplace is one of these places. Maybe it’s not.

Will you then answer the call and join us to see what works for you?

We’re on on Feb. 29 and March 1 in Paris. We'd be happy to have you with us, whatever your opinion on this topic is: we want to honor all voices.

Please register here.

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