Exploring the Hidden Side

Let’s start with an unusual question:

Do you consider yourself to be a good person?

When you think of the qualities that define you as an individual, would you say that you try to do the right thing, abide by the rules, tell the truth and be a good citizen? Most people feel comfortable enough with the question to answer in the affirmative. It’s only natural. We all like to think of ourselves as good citizens. Our culture certainly encourages these virtues because we generally accept that society functions more efficiently when we act for the common good.

But an emphasis on the positive qualities of honest citizenship might be obscuring a deeper, less attractive layer of behavioural traits, characteristics that also deserve our attention. Can you guess what we’re referring to here?

The simple fact is that we’re not perfect. Far from it. We get angry. We suffer emotional outbursts. We judge, accuse and condemn others on the flimsiest of evidence and we often feel overwhelmed, threatened, frustrated and stressed. We’re prone to giving in to our habits and weaknesses and we live within the limitations of our deeply-flawed foundations.

All bad behaviour is really a request for love, attention or validation.

― Kimberly Giles

These reactions are so familiar that we tend to accept them as normal facets of our daily experience. Sometimes, it’s easier to see the problem in others rather than in ourselves. Have you ever encountered someone in authority, for example, who abused their position by indulging in temper tantrums and emotional outbursts? Research indicates that it happens far too often and it’s extremely rare for an employee to have the courage to challenge this kind of behaviour. Inappropriate behaviour seems to be the norm.

But it’s evidence that all of us have a negative side to our nature and it’s something that most of prefer to ignore. Or perhaps we pretend that it’s just a harmless and temporary aberration. We’re not really like that. We just overreact sometimes or lose our temper. In many cases, we dismiss our negative outburts and shrug them off as if they were nothing more than an unfortunate but completely normal kind of behaviour.

There are some schools of thought that suggest that a temper outburst can serve as a kind of safety valve that helps us to let off steam. Other therapists suggest that the more we indulge our lack of self-control, the more we encourage a repetition of these kinds of outbursts.

Men are more moral than they think and far more immoral than they can imagine.

― Sigmund Freud

The purpose of this discussion is to encourage everyone to take a closer look at the less positive aspects of their behaviour and consider doing something practical to introduce greater control over any unhelpful reactions.

The problem with these unsavoury characteristics is that they can exercise an unhealthy influence on our lives and interfere with our ability to fulfill our goals and our potential.

So, the first step is to introduce a measure of honesty and open our eyes, take a deep breath and acknowledge our less attractive traits. It might not be the most comfortable exercise but it can be remarkably instructive.

When we ignore or suppress the evidence of our weaknesses, they have an unfortunate tendency to emerge in areas of our lives where they are most unwelcome. People who claim that they don’t have a temper have probably never lifted the lid on their emotional repertoire. Everyone is capable of anger. The idea is to examine these tendencies in the cold light of dispassionate logic and understand their nature and their origins.

Moral courage is a higher and a rarer virtue than physical courage.

-??????William Slim

In the face of an impulse to step into the uncertain territory of anger, fear, self-indulgence or deception, it can be extremely helpful to pause for a moment and consider where your actions are leading. This momentary pause allows you to challenge your instinctive reactions and engage the more rational part of the brain. It’s a pause that could save you a great deal of trouble and discomfort. Once the anger genie is out of the bottle, chaos and upset usually ensue. When you lose control of yourself, you inevitably suffer from the regrets that follow in the wake of any inappropriate behaviour. Knowing that you tend to behave in a certain way under certain circumstances can prepare you in advance so that you can defuse your knee-jerk reactions before they overwhelm your normal, rational way of behaviour. It’s a perfect key to greater levels of self-control.

If you’re interested in developing your full potential and recognise the need for greater self-control, it’s important to consider your weaknesses and character flaws with the same willingness that you use to work with your strengths.

Moral excellence comes about as a result of habit. We become just by doing just acts. We become temperate by doing temperate acts and brave by performing brave acts.

-??????Aristotle

Those often-ignored aspects of ourselves that we’d prefer to leave undisturbed in the dark recesses of our hearts need to be dragged out into the light and brought under control. Otherwise they will always retain the power to rise up unexpectedly and control us. And that’s when the Dark Side of your personality can sabotage your best-laid plans and ambitions.

Are you ready right now for a completely fresh approach to life’s great adventure? Get in touch with us today for a free session to discover how the growing global movement for personal growth, success, change and empowerment can enhance your life!

Greg Parry created The Wellness Foundation and the Cognitive Empowerment Programs specifically to help people master their stress, overcome their limitations and explore the power of their true potential.

If you enjoy these blogs, you can imagine how much fun it is to have Greg in the room as an inspirational and highly perceptive speaker. If you’d like to invite Greg to talk to your company or organisation or event, feel free to get in touch.

You can contact Greg directly at:

[email protected]