Exploring the Avoider Boss

"Hello, is anybody there? Are we playing a game of hide and seek or what? I thought you were my boss, and that you’d be there for me. Why isn’t this happening? Why aren’t you giving me what I need, when, and how I need it? Don’t I deserve this from you?"?

In this edition of our newsletter, we will explore the type of bad boss that we call the Avoider, looking at what it is, the impact this kind of boss can have on their people, and ways to overcome the traits of an Avoider. And since, according to our research, 80% of people have had an Avoider boss, there’s a good chance that you may have some of the traits exhibited in an Avoider at some point. I know I have!

We define the Avoider boss as someone who doesn’t show up for their people, not giving them the time, attention, feedback and development they need to do their job and feel valued. The emoji we selected to depict them is a ghost. It was probably the easiest emoji to design, for it quickly and easily conveys the point that this kind of boss is, well, ghosting their employees.?

As with the other nine types of bad bosses, we believe that bosses are Avoiders unintentionally. Often, they take on these traits by falling into traps such as a lack of time, skills, and an understanding of the needs of their people. It’s also happening because of the changing workplace, with many bosses trying to figure out how to manage new work patterns and arrangements like hybrid, remote, and flexible working. It's not easy to do, especially as companies keep changing their minds on managing this.

Situation

Here are two situations illustrating and showcasing some of the problems an Avoider boss can cause. As usual, we’ve named the employee Pat, the name we selected for people sharing their stories with us in confidence.

Situation #1

Pat’s boss gave her a project to work on, something that would take six months to complete. Week after week, Pat tried to meet with her boss so that she could check in and ask any questions, but one by one, her boss canceled or didn’t show up for the meetings, saying that they trusted Pat and didn’t need to meet.

Six months later, they finally met, and Pat had the opportunity to present the completed work to their boss. And … you guessed it, the boss said it was all wrong and that Pat needed to start again! You can imagine how frustrated Pat was as they not only had to begin again but ended up looking and feeling completely incompetent. So sure, their boss said they trusted Pat, but it sure didn’t feel that way! Instead, the project had to be redone, and Pat wasted precious hours making it “just right” for what they thought their boss would want.?

Situation #2

Whenever Pat would meet with his boss all they’d say to him was “you can do better, you can do more.” Never any acknowledgement of what they’d done, and never any praise.?

When Pat asked his boss what more he could do, his boss responded, “You should know; I shouldn’t have to tell you.” Pat thought, "Say what? Am I a mind reader or detective? Isn’t it your job to share this with me so that I can then deliver on your expectations?"

Solutions

Do any of these situations sound familiar? Have you done this unintentionally to a member of your team, or has this happened to you? To help in these situations, let us share some solutions, three ways to help you overcome the Avoider bad boss traits.

1. Be present

In the military they use the term “battlefield circulation,” which is when you go out and visit your locations and units. This concept of being present, whether it’s literally or figuratively, is exactly what an Avoider boss is not doing, not circulating and being there for their people. When this happens, you aren’t showing up for them, ignoring their attempts to find and reach you, and thus being unavailable to provide the support they desperately need to succeed in their jobs.

Think for a moment about what happens when you meet and talk with your people. Do you suggest things that they may not have considered? Do you point out problems they may encounter and suggest ways to get around them? Do you give them words of encouragement to help them get through a rough patch? Now think what would happen if these conversations didn’t take place. Wouldn’t your people be more likely to make mistakes, take more time to get things done, or get frustrated with the task at hand and ultimately abandon it??

I used to think that I was good at this, that I was present for my people as I had my formal meetings with them. But I soon learned that this wasn’t enough. Being fully present for my people involved doing so both formally and informally. Those unplanned and informal chats were just as important in providing them with the support they needed.?

2. Be there at the right time and place

Just as important as being present for your people is doing so at the right time and place. Think back to the first situation, when the only time the boss was present was at the end of the project, not during it, which resulted in Pat (and ultimately her boss) not achieving her objectives.

This concept jumped to mind when I heard about British triathlete Alex Yee and how he won the gold medal at the recent Summer Olympics in Paris. The story goes that Alex was 14 seconds behind his rival Hayden Wilde when the bell rang out for the last lap of the race. According to Yee, this sounded like a death knell for his gold medal hopes and became despondent. But then he heard four words from a familiar voice that changed everything.

“Anything can happen, mate,” shouted Alistair Brownlee, the London 2012 and Rio 2016 triathlon champion. Those words dug into Yee’s brain as he mined deep into his reserves, absorbed the energy of a raucous crowd and started an extraordinary fightback. How’s that for being at the right time and place? How can you do this for your people?

3. Give feedback

The first two tips relate to half of the problem of an Avoider: being a ghost to your people through avoidance or lack of visibility. The second part of the problem involves ghosting your people by avoiding giving them feedback. The result? Your people are left in an endless loop of trying to figure out if they should continue doing what they’ve been doing, change directions, or give up completely, something happened to both Pats in the situations described earlier.

We’ll share tips on feedback in another edition of the newsletter, but for now, we wanted to make the point that learning how to give feedback is critical to overcome the traits of an Avoider. Why? Here’s how we answer this in our book:

“Imagine training for a marathon without a watch, never knowing how fast you’re going, how far you’ve gone, and how much time and distance you have left in the run. You’d have no way of knowing whether you’re on track to meet your goal and how to pace yourself throughout the run. That’s what happens when you avoid your people, not giving them the feedback they need.”?

For more information on the Avoider boss and the various ways to overcome the bad boss traits associated with them, check out our book (Bad Bosses Ruin Lives: The Building Blocks for Being a Great Boss), come to one of our workshops, or just contact us for a chat. We’d love to help and support you in your quest to be a great boss!