The exploration of giving yourself permission to socially integrate in the community to help combat loneliness

Yep. giving yourself permission!?

This is something a lot of people struggle with. You might be able to relate to this. Have you ever been in a situation where you’ve really wanted something, but haven’t gone after it, because deep down you don’t feel like you deserve it?

Well that’s exactly what we’re going to cover here, how you can let go of that fear and give yourself permission to be happy, and lead an inclusive life.?

Well, let’s talk about saying Yes. Learn?to?Trust?Yourself!

You know what they say about gut instinct? It’s normally right.?

Have you ever had a bad feeling about something, about a person, and you’ve been right? I know I have. The same goes for good things.

However, what you can easily do here is confuse what you are feeling. For example, fear and excitement are often mixed up. I believe fear is a choice. When I did one thing a day that scared me in May a few years ago and I walked over the O2 in London, I thought to myself, I’m not going to let this beat me, I can do it, I’m not scared, I’m excited. I’m scared of water, and not having my feet on the ground, and the walk down, it looks like you’re walking into the river. But I used that fear, turned it into excitement and that feeling carried me over that iconic building. I believed in myself. I trusted myself. And I was damn proud of myself at the end.?

Believe in yourself that you can meet people, that you are worthy, and trust yourself to make the right choices, and this is your first step into a more inclusive, happier life.?

Only YOU have control of you. Remember that. That’s so important. If you trust yourself, the rest will follow.

It’s time to Let?Go?of?Your?Need?for?Approval

Do you worry about how others see you? Do you often feel judged? And because of this keep yourself to yourself, don’t wear the things you might want to, keep your opinions tight to your chest??

How would you feel if I told you that people are going to judge you no matter what? A mentor of mine says that he’s judged in his Ferrari and he was judged in his first shit car. So he might as well be rich and be judged.?

Now I’m not saying you need to go out and buy a Ferrari! Far from it. But, you will always have people looking at you, not necessarily saying anything, but people judge. And that is their nature. You do it, I do it, we all do it, sometimes without thinking. Not necessarily to be nasty though and if someone is, remember, it says more about them than it does about you.?

You don’t need 100k followers on Instagram and 5000 facebook friends. The perfect life only exists on social media, and in terms of you and your life, how you feel, you shouldn’t be looking for external validation like this.?

Having a load of followers and likes doesn’t equate to a fulfilled life. Look inside.

It needs to come from within.?

Learn to Love?Yourself

In order to let others in, you need to learn to love yourself. Loving yourself doesn’t mean you’re selfish. It doesn’t have to mean that, it just means that you accept you for who you are and love yourself for everything you have. It’s self acceptance. It’s having self respect.?

There’s a good way to get started on this if you don’t currently love yourself, or if you feel like you have nothing to love yourself for. I want you to think about everything you’re great at. And I guarantee you there are a LOT of things.?

I want you to take some time, with a pen and paper, and list 50 achievements in your life. From the beginning. 100 even. That might sound like a lot to you, but I promise you, once you get started, the list will keep growing.?

What have you done in your life that you’re proud of? Passed school exams, a driving test, had children, bought a house, got your first job, got a promotion, set up your own business, successfully painted your right hand nails with your left hand and not made a mess! What have you been complimented on? Are you great at being productive, you get things completed in a timely manner, are you great at managing money?? Have you arranged a surprise for someone, are you creative? Do you draw? Come up with great ideas? I once completed a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle that didn’t have a picture to go by…?

Are you starting to see what I mean now? There are tons of things that you have done which are amazing. Which makes you amazing.?

Get it all out of your head, onto paper, so you can see, with your own eyes, right in front of you, just how brilliant you are.?

Then you’ll see.?

Don’t skip this part. Please do it, I want you to love yourself, because you deserve it.?

There is nothing wrong with learning to love yourself. Life comes from you, it starts with you, so you need to appreciate who you are.?

Which leads me nicely on to:

Own?your?weirdness

We’re told all through life to fit in. From school, you have to wear a uniform, have the right shoes, your hair a certain way, the right bag, the right mannerisms and to do things in a certain way. Use the same language and walk the same walk.?

You know what I say to that? Bollocks.?

You are your own individual person. There is no one as good at being you, than you.?

If you’re a bit of a geek, own it. If you like playing tennis, own it. If you want to have rainbow coloured hair – do it. I do!?

If you’re meticulously organised, if you’re like Monica from friends, own it.?

If you like heavy metal, own it!?

No two people are the same, and neither should they be.?

The world would be a boring place if we all liked the same things.?

So if you like to drink wine and knit with a sci fi movie on, damn well own it!?

The more ‘you’ you are, the happier you’ll be, as you will attract the right people into your life. The people who lift and inspire you. Not the people who try to suppress you.?

If you can respect yourself enough to own who you are, the rest will follow. Trust me on this. And trust yourself.?

Stop?saying?“I?can't”

If I can’t is in your vocabulary. You need to banish it. And now. Rather than thinking I can’t, think about HOW can I. Rather than put a blockage in the way, open up an opportunity.?

It all comes down to the language we use. When you say no, I can’t, your brain shuts down. When you think ‘I can, or how can I, your brain fires up and opens new pathways. It’s the same for thinking of things you want to do but don’t think you can afford. If you say ‘I can’t afford that’ you will shut down your brain. Try instead ‘How can I afford that?’ and your brain will start firing, start thinking in new ways and bring you new opportunity.?

All you need to do is trust yourself.?

Start saying I can

??You ARE allowed to have friends.?

?? ♀?You ARE allowed to have your hair done.?

????You ARE allowed to go to the gym.?

??You ARE allowed to feel good.?

??You ARE allowed to be happy.

Get social

Join groups – The world is quite literally at your fingertips. You can find any group for your own weirdness online and you can then take this into the offline world too. There is something for everyone out there.?

I’d like to cover a few more things before we bring this to a close.?

How to get over the fear of being judged??

To be honest with you, and I wouldn’t lie, it won’t come easily. But, once you choose to let go, you will feel a weight lifted from your shoulders. You will live your life differently. Start small and build upon it. When I did my scared May I had this notion that people would judge me, and it was scary, but by doing one thing a day that scared me, I was able to let go of what I thought other people would think, and start to think about what I thought about myself. So I’d recommend giving that a go, make a list of things that scare you, even small things, and try it out, even for a week, and do one thing every day. It all adds up and the compound effect will start to kick in.?

I really hope you’ve enjoyed this series, and if you’d like more of this you can also join the Confidently Successful Entrepreneur's Facebook community. bit.ly/FBcse is the link.

This is a fun place for people to hang out, meet new people, make new connections and learn some new skills too. We cover a topic every week which the community votes for and help with things from building confidence, to introductions, finding you why and whatever it is that’s needed. It’s a safe place to share stories and just have some fun too.