Exploited and Hurt by those You Trust and Love: Strengthen Your Pedigree!

By Michael Robinson, M.S. Counseling

Yes, it’s true. The people who are closest to you seem to hurt you the most. Why? Because you allow yourself to be most comfortable, natural and vulnerable around the people you respect, trust and love - - whether they be family, co-workers or friends.

So, when these special people commit an act that's treasonous against your respect-trust-love, you feel slighted. Dumbfounded. Speechless. Hurt. Angry. Abused. Used. Violated. Frozen in amazement, pondering, 'How could they, of all people, do this to me?'

The sad reality is, we're all capable of inflicting/committing treachery, infidelity, chaos, abuse, and other horrible things against the people we love, deliberate or not. Our personal and professional lives aren’t immune to the possibility that someone, who’s near-and-dear to us, could possibly disappoint us in the most inopportune time, in the most inappropriate way. This is a reality most people refuse to believe, yet, it remains a REAL possibility.

There’s an ancient quote that I love, it rings true and resonates powerfully even in today’s modern era, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?” (Jeremiah 17:9/Holy Bible). Because we’re ALL marred and tainted with sin, our character flaws and lapse of good judgement can produce (at any moment) unproductive, destructive, corrupt and harmful thoughts, words and deeds.

I love the etymology of the Greek vocabulary. For instance, the Greek word ?γκρ?τεια (English transliteration: egkrateia) is a powerful term that means self-control, temperance, or the virtue of one who masters his desires and passions. Without self-control, we are liable to think, say, and do horrible things, impulsively. Many unspeakable, horrific, hurtful and abased deeds have been committed under the pretext of one’s bizarre impulsiveness. In a very extreme context, a person who lacks self-control can exhibit vile characteristics: “tend to lie, break laws, act impulsively, and lack regard for their own safety or the safety of others,” this is the world renown Mayo’s Clinic definition of a sociopath! Sociopaths possess the capacity to disrupt and destroy healthy relationships; Healthplace.com provides a sampling of some famous sociopaths: 

• John Gacy lived in Des Plaines, Illinois. He was the epitome of both local and national citizenship, receiving a Man of the Year award from his city's Junior Chamber of Commerce and, separately, taking his picture with Rosalynn Carter, the First Lady at the time. He entertained kids as a clown at their birthday parties. People adored him. What they didn't know because he hid it so skillfully was that he also happened to be a sociopath, one of the most famous sociopaths to ever walk the earth. In the 1970s, he murdered thirty-two young men and buried most of them in the crawl space under his house.
• Joey Buttafuoco has never committed murder, but he gained fame nonetheless. His affair with teenage Amy Fisher and Fisher's attempted murder of his then wife, Mary Jo, thrust him into the spotlight. His charismatic behavior captivated the media and gained him national attention, further fueling what Mary Jo termed his sociopathic tendencies. While he isn't a murderer, Mary Jo says Joey Buttafuoco is a sociopath, albeit a famous sociopath.

As you can see, not all sociopaths are murderous. Sociopaths are on the extreme end of a behavioral spectrum, and because they live life with reckless abandon, their impulsiveness can place all healthy relationships within their orbit of family, friends and co-workers at high risk for seismic disaster.

So, how can you master and override a bad disposition? How can you master and develop greater self-control, positive structure, and enhance productivity throughout your personal and professional life? 

1.     Take time to reflect on what you’re about to say, BEFORE you say it. Measure your words carefully. A soft word turns away wrath. Before speaking, ask yourself, will what you say create more harm than good? Are your words coming from a peaceful mental state? Or, are you drunk with anger, jealousy, hatred, rage or any other intoxicating negative feelings and emotions, that your words are heavily seasoned with venom and ill-intent? Death and life are in the power of the tongue.

2.     Read daily. Expand your cognition. There’s no excuse for intellectual development. With the internet alone, people have access to a zettabyte of information and data on a diversity of topics! And the good ole public library is still a good place to access books and videos galore. Read books, periodicals, online reports, newspapers, and articles that deal with information pertaining to your career and/or personal development. According to much research, reading improves memory, vocabulary, mental acuity, and analytical and problem solving skills.

3.     Establish a tight network of positive influencers. Mentors, positive peers, and professional affinity groups are unquestionably great sources to expand and cultivate your network of impactful people of positive influence. The aforementioned people and groups are thought leaders, men and women who have acquired a level of success and professional accomplishment who will ‘tell it like it is’ – they won’t stroke your ego, they’ll give you insightful and critical feedback about you and how you might possibly improve your current status. These are not ‘yes men or women' that will just rubber-stamp and co-sign to your foolishness, these are practical people of great integrity and objectivity that have your best interest in mind.

4.     Plan out your day with a schedule. It’s important to keep a daily planner, it makes your day more efficient and organized in terms of prioritizing meetings, projects, and other obligations. Maintaining a daily planner will improve your time management, document a record of your scheduled tasks/events/meetings, aids in your recall/memory, and it helps you become more prepared.

5.     Eat healthy, exercise and rest. Exercising helps your body to release dopamine, adrenaline, and endorphins (a cocktail of hormonal chemicals) that make you feel euphoric and good! The more you exercise, the more you’ll feel good, and the healthier you’ll become. Just as important, is eating healthy and resting. Resting, particularly sleeping, helps your body repair itself, it reduces stress, helps you to become more alert and attentive.

Hopefully, these practical tips will increase your ability to become an overall more productive, positive, impactful person. Let me know your thoughts: [email protected]

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Michael Robinson, M.S. is an award winning business leader and Human Resources professional, and in-demand keynote speaker. Robinson is the recipient of Philadelphia's Industry Icon Award, 2017; award nominee for the Delaware Valley's Human Resources Person of the Year Award, 2016; recipient of the Internship Provider of the Year Award, Fox School of Business/Temple University, 2015; Board member, Philadelphia Baptist Association; Board member, Pennsylvania Eastern Keystone Baptist Association; City Commissioner, Mayor's Commission on African American Males; FBI and U.S. Department of Justice/Drug Enforcement Administration's Citizens Academy alumnus; and he serves as Senior Pastor of Greater Enon Missionary Baptist Church, 1854 North 22nd Street, Philadelphia PA 19121.