Expert Listening Week 8 | Empathic Listening | Bonus: 7 Steps to Be Fully Engaged

Introduction

Why is it that we sometimes find ourselves snapping at the people we care about the most? Why do we seem to be patient, kind, and understanding with acquaintances, co-workers, or even strangers, yet when it comes to those closest to us, we can suddenly explode like a ticking time bomb?

The answer lies not in the depth of our love or commitment but in our energy—how much we have and how we manage it.

Empathy is often seen as an endless well, something we give freely and without limit. We pride ourselves on being there for others, offering a listening ear, and being emotionally available when needed. Yet, empathy has a cost. To be fully present for others, to engage in empathic listening, we must be in balance within ourselves. And that balance demands energy.

Think of it like this: every act of empathy requires an emotional investment. We draw from our internal reserves to actively listen, to offer compassion, to show patience. On good days, when our energy is abundant, we are able to provide this empathy without strain. However, when our energy is depleted, even the smallest demand can feel overwhelming.

We often take great care in how we present ourselves in formal settings. Before coaching someone, preparing for an important meeting, or engaging in a mentoring session, we make a conscious or unconscious effort to prepare ourselves emotionally and spiritually. We ready our minds to be open, our hearts to be understanding. This preparation is a form of energy management, ensuring that we show up as our best selves.

Empathic listening emphasizes understanding the emotions and feelings behind the speaker’s words. It involves putting oneself in the speaker’s shoes and responding with empathy and compassion. This skill is crucial for building trust, strengthening relationships, and supporting others emotionally.

Key Aspects of Empathic Listening

Empathic listening requires a deep emotional connection and the ability to tune into the speaker’s feelings. By mastering this skill, you can create a safe space for others to express themselves and feel understood. Empathic listening is essential for fostering genuine connections and providing emotional support.

Top Training Tips

1. Show Genuine Interest

Demonstrate that you care about the speaker’s feelings and experiences.

Use verbal affirmations like “I understand” or “That sounds really challenging.”

2. Practice Active Listening

Engage fully in the conversation without distractions.

Use body language such as nodding, leaning forward, and maintaining eye contact to show you are listening.

3. Reflect Emotions

Mirror the speaker’s emotions to validate their feelings and check your self if you understand correctly.

“It sounds like you’re feeling really frustrated about this. Is that correct?”

4. Avoid Judgment

Listen without criticizing or judging the speaker’s feelings or experiences.

Maintain an open mind and provide a non-judgmental space for sharing.

5. Use Empathic Responses

Respond in ways that show empathy and understanding.

“I can see how that situation would make you feel upset.”

Focus Points

1. Show Genuine Interest

Make an effort to express genuine interest in the speaker’s emotions during each interaction

2. Reflect Emotions

Practice reflecting the speaker’s emotions in your responses to validate their feelings in such a way that it invites a safe space to correct your assertions.

3. Avoid Judgment

Consciously avoid making judgments and keep an open mind during conversations.

Empathic listening is vital for building trust and providing emotional support. By focusing on showing genuine interest, reflecting emotions, and avoiding judgment, you can significantly enhance your empathic listening skills. Practice these tips consistently to create deeper, more meaningful connections with others.

7 Steps to Be Fully Engaged

These 7 Ideal Steps to Be Fully Engaged before a (Coaching, Mentoring or other) conversation as an Empowerment Architect can't always be followed due to your circumstances. Being aware of these will give you the opportunity to prepare better. Learn to know yourself and create your own steps. This has helped me a lot in improving the coaching experience of people.

1. Prepare Mentally and Emotionally

Take a few moments to center yourself and clear your mind of distractions. Practice mindfulness or deep breathing exercises to calm your thoughts and focus your attention on the upcoming conversation.

Reflect on your own emotions and ensure you are approaching the conversation with a positive and open mindset.

2. Review Background Information

Go through any relevant information about the mentee or coachee, such as their goals, progress, previous conversations, and challenges. This helps you understand their context and tailor your guidance accordingly.

3. Set Clear Objectives

Define what you aim to achieve during the conversation. Establish clear, achievable goals for both yourself and the mentee/coachee. This provides direction and ensures that the conversation is productive and focused.

4. Create a Supportive Environment

Choose a quiet, comfortable, and private setting for the conversation. Ensure that both you and the mentee/coachee feel at ease and free from distractions. This fosters a safe space for open and honest dialogue.

5. Formulate Open-Ended Questions

Prepare a list of open-ended questions that encourage the mentee/coachee to share their thoughts, feelings, and experiences. These questions should be designed to stimulate reflection, exploration, and deeper understanding.

6. Adopt an Active Listening Posture

Commit to fully engaging in active listening during the conversation. This involves maintaining eye contact, nodding, and using verbal affirmations to show that you are attentive and interested in what the mentee/coachee is saying.

Be prepared to summarize and reflect back what you hear to ensure accurate understanding.

7. Visualize a Positive Outcome

Spend a few moments visualizing a successful and empowering conversation. Imagine the mentee/coachee gaining clarity, confidence, and motivation from your interaction. This positive visualization sets a constructive tone and boosts your confidence as an empowerment architect.

Ray