Experiment a little... 3 Ways To Lead With Appreciation

Lovely to have your attention I very much appreciate it, and it’s been a few months since I’ve last connected. May 2024 be working and swinging in your favour. If you’re new to Experiment a little...?this is a newsletter I send out which is packed full of life, leadership and career inspiration. Plus, activities and tools straight from the coaching room that you can try. ?

It’s been a bumpy start for me, and I hear the same for many others. If you have been following my process of how to set up an intentional year , you’ll know this is my year of “Ease”. And let me tell you, it’s been an eye-opener to be in and amongst turbulence and observe how I respond to change, uncertainty and agitation. Really great moments to practice what I preach! ?

Even though on the surface I am calm I do at times get impatient, dizzy with confusion, and overwhelmed. I’d love to share some of the noticeable shifts around my 'easeful' approach and how it’s slowly starting to reduce inner agitation. Hopefully there will be some resonance with your own experiences.?? ?

The first is recognising when I am complicating things, often unnecessarily.?Not everything has to be reinvented, improved or fixed. Systems and processes, at work or around the house, can just be. Or focus can shift to what 'is working'. Many of us fall into a trap to want to force change when we’re time poor, tired, or under pressure which makes it harder for ourselves. A moment to reflect and focus on the ratio of effort required to impact made can make a significant difference. Even noticing the drama in my language helps, jumping away from declaring, ‘this house looks like a pigsty’ towards, ‘can everyone take a couple of minutes to pick up and put away their belongings’ shifts the energy. Or moving away from ‘I have so much to do’ towards ‘what’s the next important priority’ settles me. ?

Making more ease-led decisions, this means dropping down out of my restless and impatient mind and feeling the sensations of a decision in my body. Like saying, ‘not for me’ or ‘I get to do this’. I can get an instant sense of relief or liberation when I connect back to the fact I have choice. This allows me to trust and follow through to decline or accept an invitation, opportunity, doing something someone else is responsible for, or a work project I know isn’t in my wheelhouse. ?

One of my values I don’t promote often, and don’t feel like I prize highly is efficiency and being organised. It’s SO critical to me, I put a lot of energy into planning yet I don’t really respect how much stabilises me. In the Gallup strengths tool , one of my Top 5 is Responsibility, which means I take psychological ownership of a task. I will follow through on a commitment I make. And fear or avoid the risk of letting anyone down. I prioritise productivity (getting something completed and urgency to deliver to deadline) over connection (making it inclusive and enjoyable for others, stopping to have joyful conversations and some humour, or taking a rest or break to reset). And the people who will suffer from this aren’t my clients (they usually get the best of me!) but the others around me, my team and family. I will race to get all my to-do list completed and my next day planned and neglect the opportunity to play Lego or draw with my son as I am always trying to finish the ’one last thing.’ This isn’t urgent to others just me and my sense of identity. I’ve really been pushing myself to put down the pen, step away from the laptop, and ease into the connection moments with the people who matter.? ?

And the last pearler, and this is the one which has made a significant difference. Appreciation. I am a big ‘thank-you-er’. Manners are engrained in me. You may be surprised how often people share with me how they don’t feel appreciated by their manager, their partner, their kids, and other teams in the community they are part of. It’s so demotivating. And I’m not talking about the token one liner, ‘thank you’ for doing a task or meeting a deadline. I’m talking about making people feel like they matter, what they have worked tirelessly on is valuable, and who they are (and what gifts they have) make a difference to the workplace and team they are part of. Without these moments of appreciation we can fall into easy traps of feeling neglect, resentment and contempt for the workplace and towards our loved ones.? ?

So, on that note, I’d love to share three ways leaders can effortlessly make appreciation a no-brainer in their toolkit.???

Make it personal Pause, look people in the eye and make it feel authentic. Get off the email. Expand on the thankyou to the specific part of what it was they did to make a difference/ play to a strength. Put it in your calendar, schedule it if you have to. Once a month I send out 5 handwritten cards to people who have helped me in the last month. It’s one of the times in the month I feel at my best. ?

Make it a ritual Build it how your team communicate and connect. There are so many systems in how your team operates. Can you do a Friday shout-out, a monthly appreciation lunch where each person BYOs their food and you connect and celebrate each person’s contributions. It may feel clumsy at first and forced, clunky and uncomfortable. The initial awkwardness will be overcome with the way people feel when they walk away. Remember the beautiful quote from Maya Angelou, “I’ve learned people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” ?

Make it additional to recognition Reward and recognition programs tick many boxes, and yes perks are fab. They help people strive for what’s next, and feel they contribute. They also help to make recognition equitable. To really build a strong culture little moments of authentic appreciation from leaders are the icing on the cake for your team. Even when people are in the midst of conflict, complaints, making changes or corrections, let them know you appreciate them bringing it to your attention. As well as thanking people for going above and beyond or excelling in a task. I was in an interview this week, asking a 23 year old how she deals with someone red-lining her work and making changes to it. Her response, ‘I am so appreciative that someone would take the time to mark up amends, and see this as an opportunity to learn how I can improve”. What an answer and practice, and how can we as leaders take this nugget of insight to how we respond with appreciation.??

WATCH:

Mike Robbins: The Power of Appreciation TEDx Talk

To build on point three above, Mike Robbins expands on the important distinction between "recognition" and "appreciation." Leaders, teams, organisations, and individuals who understand this distinction can have much more impact, meaning, and productivity in their lives and with the people around them. He also discusses important research in the field of positive psychology that exemplifies the importance of appreciation.

LISTEN:

This is one of many podcasts and YouTube conversations between ex-athlete Lewis Howes and relationship expert Esther Perel .

There are so many nuggets of wisdom on how to improve both intimate and professional relationships. Towards the end Esther offers some how-to advice, and gratitude is in there!

READ:

The Little Things That Make Employees Feel Appreciated HBR Article

Drawing on research from organisational psychologist and author Adam Grant , this article offers practical tips on ‘how to show more appreciation’ and tips on what to avoid. ?

Experiment a little...?

How can you make an effort each day to appreciate someone. Just once. And go beyond a token ‘thank you’. Personalise it with an extra sentence specific to their contribution. And for bonus points, notice how you see a shift I the energy in the person receiving, and notice how it makes you feel too.

If you’d like to learn more about how to better manage, lead and inspire (and appreciate) your team, check out my 'Manager to Leader' Coaching Program. It’s been designed to help you level up your leadership skills so you can build a more effective team culture, create team cohesion, drive productivity and empower your team to succeed. DM me and I can send you a program flyer for all the details and to arrange a chat.

I hope you enjoy reading my thoughts on appreciation in leadership this month. It's a topic that will never go out of style and can make such a dramatic difference to your team and your own energy levels.??

Until next month, Leigh.