Experiment, Investigate, Share, and Grow

You know what is scary?? Making mistakes, doing wrong, or just generally not meeting the expectations of others.? Nothing hits worse than physical proof of your insufficiencies.? Real world examples of the worries that flood our minds.? I can’t do this, it’s too hard, I’m not good enough…BOOM…proof…ha…I knew I was right all along.

It feels good to be validated, even if that validation is not pretty to look at.? It is comforting to know that we are right in our understanding of the world.? There is peace that can be found in knowledge.? As children we test the limits of our boundaries in order to gain knowledge.? We touch things, we taste things, and we experiment with life.? The organisms that populate this earth use this process of trial and error in order to unlock the secrets of knowledge.

So why does it hurt so much when we make a mistake?? If we are biologically programmed to discover the world through the experience of error, should this not be a pleasurable experience?? It feels good to eat when hungry, to drink when thirsty, and to sleep when tired.? It would seem that all of our biological needs are intrinsically tied to a pleasurable experience.? So what of our need for knowledge?? We all feel the thirst and hunger to learn yet we lament the experience.? People? despise being wrong or making mistakes.? But without these, how else is one to learn?

Well it turns out that there is another biological process, in addition to trial and error, that has evolved to help us learn.? And this is the process of socialization.? Humans are social creatures and we have grown to both desire and need to connect with others.? As children, our exploration and experimentation can only take us so far.? We need guidance from those who have learned before us.? And we need protection from ourselves.? So as adults, we teach our children knowledge and prevent them from harm.? We build a support structure and a guiding light and give these things selflessly to others.??

People do these things not only because they are the right thing to do but because they are necessary for our survival.? We enter this world alone and are dependent upon the kindness of others to survive.? We stay in this dependent state until such time that we have been given enough to survive on our own.? Then, we have a choice to continue the cycle and give back to others as has been given to us or to perpetually take until the end of time.

It is the giving to others that drives the cycle of life.? The mixing of information, resources, and ideas into something beautiful and new.??

I don’t know if any of you have ever mixed a cake but, depending on how many ingredients you have to mix, it can get a little messy.? Things do not always go as smoothly as planned.? Sometimes you get chunks that will not go away, sometimes you end up spilling your mix all over the place.? It is guaranteed that there will be a lot of errors if this is your first time mixing.? Not me you say?? Who could mess up the simple task of mixing?? ? Well “Mr./Ms. Super-Chef”, let’s see you try your hand at hosting a 1850’s themed social mixer.? I bet you get a little messy.

But this is a good thing!? You will learn how to throw amazing parties, over time.? You will learn through your failures just as nature intended you should.? You will examine your mistakes and make small adjustments to your approach.? You will try and try again until you get it just right.? Or maybe you won’t?? It turns out that we certainly can not do everything ourselves.? Try to pick up a sleeping person by yourself.? Without prior experience or training you will certainly struggle with their floppiness.??

Wait a minute, I can get training instead of learning through failure?? Yes you can!? But all training is not the same.? The thing about us humans is that we really only like to do things that are important to us.? We will pour ourselves into something that has meaning and purpose to us.? And so be cautious to where you seek your knowledge.? There are those who choose to sell what they know with a focus on the purpose of gain.? And there are those who share for the sake of knowledge.? Those who share for the sake of knowledge become the leaders that walk amongst us.? Their life, their essence transcending far beyond their own physical boundaries.??

In the United States (and likely elsewhere) we have a word for these leaders.? We call the ones who selflessly share their knowledge with others Mentors.? These individuals help drive the cycle of life through the recycling and recombination of ideas.? They do this not for personal gain but for the benefit of others.? They take pride and honor in being beacons of light for those lost in the dark.? Those like me not so long ago.??

Have you ever had a “mental breakdown” (crying, erratic behavior, etc.) in front of your boss?? How about your boss’ boss?? How about several more bosses above that?? Yeah I did that.? I was that broken.? I was making mistakes left and right and not learning from any of them.? It even got so bad that at one point I got called out in the middle of a class and was told to “chill out” (nice version).? I was a hot mess and it sucked!? I was stuck and was not going to get anywhere else on my own.??

But that is when someone showed me compassion and kindness.? I did have to put in some effort of my own and ask for support.? And then I had to make a commitment to change and Seriously take the help that was being provided to me.? But soon after I did those things my life started to get a lot better.? I became unstuck and I started to learn and grow again.? I even got to the point where I could start helping others just as my Mentor has helped me.? I was once again a part of the cycle of life.??

And let me tell you something, it sure is a lot better to be alive than stuck in a self-destructive misery.? Have you ever worn sunglasses at night?? Everything is super dark and creepy.? It’s kind of fun for a little while but soon becomes frustrating when you cannot see where you are going.? That is what it feels like when you do not learn from your mistakes.? And unfortunately, sometimes, you have been wearing your sunglasses for so long that you are either afraid to take them off or just plain forgot that you were wearing them.??

This is where mentorship comes in.? Because sometimes, only someone external to you can see how much trouble you are having.? And then they have a choice.? They can sit there and ponder about why you keep spinning around in circles with your eyes covered or they can stop you, remove the blinders, and help you find your way.

Now it is time for your choice.? Experiment with life, learn from your mistakes, and share your knowledge with others.? Or experiment with life, shun your mistakes, and figure it all out yourself.? Or any combination in between.? Please feel free to choose what suits you best.? I do not try to tell people what to do but what I have seen.? I have seen my life fall completely apart and be rebuilt all over again.? And the only difference between those two scenarios was a choice to focus on my mistakes and ask for help from others.?