The Experience of Upleveling: Gateway to Transformation
For years, up until just a few months ago actually, I was convinced that divorce was a tragedy that I had to both survive and recover from to get on with my “normal” life. Now I realize divorce is an opportunity to, what I call, “uplevel.” I see divorce more like a rung on a ladder on the way to who and what I am becoming.
I’ve done a ton of both personal and professional work around recovering from divorce, I’ve shared my journey, my fears, my tears, my shortcomings and my insights with you by way of my writings and with those who are close enough, over tea. I’ve shared the things I’ve learned to shepherd you along your way as well as clarify my own. I have been a guide of sorts. We’ve shared this journey together. Today is no different. I want to share this new idea of “upleveling” with you, too.
The Experience of Upleveling
I go through various life stages that I’ve come to call “upleveling.” I will operate at a certain level, with strong beliefs and unquestioned worldviews for months to years. At some point I will begin to notice a change in the way I’m seeing things. I start to question the reality I thought I knew. My world starts breaking apart. This comes with the dis-ease of any transition—core shaking, instability, doubt, confusion, and emotional upheaval. Even though I don’t like that unstable place any more than anyone else, I’ve grown accustomed to it—well that is unless it sneaks up on me—like with my recent car accident that threw me into one wham, bam, boom what the H just happened? But when they come about naturally and organically, rather than catastrophically, the “shaking” seems somewhat more normal.
The Next Level
Eventually things settle down again and a new normal begins to form. When this happens it is as though the clouds part and the sun shines brilliantly turning the world into a magical mystery. Life looks brand new. Things that once bothered me no longer do. A new level of curiosity emerges. I let go of emotional strongholds that have been strangling me. Poof done. Although I do a ton of personal work daily to facilitate (or is that prepare for?) these changes, (I once told my former spouse that I’m a moving target when it comes to spiritual and personal growth…always on the move) they seem to happen within their own timeframe.
I can sense when an upleveling is coming, but I can’t facilitate it or force it. But I do enjoy the fruit of it. Be on the lookout for these uplevelings in your own life so you can both be prepared, and enjoy them when they come. They come whether we’re ready or not, knowing they are coming makes it a lot easier to find the gift. Otherwise they are just crazy making!
I have triple certifications as a life, relationship and grief recovery coach, with extensive training as a relationship systems coach, mediator and collaborative divorce facilitator. I know the heartache of leaving a life you love, and leaving a family without its container. I am divorced, just like you. My divorce came after 30 years of marriage. I was “in it” (the pain, turmoil, confusion, blame, guilt, etc) for a number of years, since it took us nearly 5 years to get divorced. (It was a big decision that I didn't take lightly). One of the remarkable surprises, and one that I totally did not expect, was who I became through the process. Pain changes us. It makes us kinder and gentler and more aware. I became all those things. I love the person I have become, and you can love the new you, too. I can help with that. I fully believe in your ability to get through and get better. You can lean on my faith in you, and my faith in the process, until you find your own.