Expecting Nothing Means Everything

It’s never about what happened, it’s always about how you react to what happened. Your attitude/energy/emotional experience is a result not of events, but rather a result of your interpretation of those events. Managing your own expectations, therefore, means managing your experience — your life.

Things you might expect on any given day:

It will be sunny outside

The train will arrive on time

People will agree with you at work

Your lights will turn on

You’ll get to where you need to be safely

You won’t get sick

You won’t spill your lunch on yourself

Your workout will go well

The store will be stocked with what you need

You’ll get a good sleep

Add. Make up your own list of 10, 20, 50 items. A lot of little things happen over the course of each day.

Now, do you expect each of these things to happen? Individually, yes, because more likely than not, they do. If we assign a 90% probability to each of those expectations (for the sake of simplicity — bear with me), we know we’re mostly in the clear. But wait — there are 10 daily occurrences on that list. That means that on average, one of those things would happen contrary to your expectation every day. If we built out or list of fifty daily expectations, we’ll have been disappointed five times per day, on average. And we’ll complain about those five things and ignore the other 45.

When we break it down, it’s easier to see that it’s far more statistically unlikely for everything to go perfectly than it is to feel slighted by one, two, or five things going wrong. We focus our attention not on how much went right, but on the few things that didn’t align with our expectations, even though it stands to reason that something will go wrong. We set our expectations based on our experiences, and while we tend to ignore regular interactions that exceed those expectations, we dwell upon and become frustrated with those that fall short, even if there are far fewer things in that category.

We’re talking here about things beyond your control, and not your efforts or behaviours. Do you expect all of your subjective experiences to be a 6/10? A 7/10? A 9/10? Simply by realizing that the way you choose to experience your world is relative to the expectations you set means that lowering those expectations by one or two points puts a lot more in the “awesome” category (better than expected) and a lot less in the “this is BS” category (worse than expected).

Better yet, set your expectations at a 0/10. Seriously, try it.

What if you were able to acknowledge that you’re not entitled to any specific outcome, and things happen around you, not to you.

It might rain all day

The train might be late

There could be a huge disagreement at work

There could be an issue with the lights

You might get into a fender bender

You could get sick

You might spill your lunch on yourself

Your workout might not feel great today

The store could be out of stock

You might have a poor sleep

That day might sound like a tragedy, and while it too is statistically unlikely, it allows us to both let ourselves be surprised and appreciate what went well, not what went wrong. If you expect nothing, it becomes a lot more difficult to have a terrible day, and a lot easier to reflect positively on how fortunate we are to live lives that are relatively free of distress.

I’ve even gone out of my way to draw what is indisputably a perfect diagram:

Events to the right of your expectation line are “awesome”, better than you thought. Events to the left of your expectation line suck, and they’re the things we complain about every day. Moving your line moves more of your everyday life into the “awesome” category, while the normal distribution of events doesn’t change at all. You just make yourself happier by expecting less.

Every time something pisses you off, learn to think “I knew this could happen, and that’s okay”. Allow the negatives to happen around you, because they will, and they happen to all of us. Take more time to appreciate how much we take for granted, and how well things come together on a vast majority of the days of our lives.

Lower your expectations of the things you can’t control, realize that what’s done is done, and get excited about more of the little things. You’ll be happier, whether you expect it or not.

-Chris

Chris Ackroyd

Hey, I’m Chris. I created Life In Questions in hopes of helping people to think a little bit differently. I’m all about people, learning, sports, and the game of life. I believe that our minds shape how we live, act, and behave, and that by being more aware of ourselves, we can live happier and more successful lives.