Expectations Vs Agreements

Becoming a father has taught me a lot about communicating well in relationships.

Especially when you’re failing miserably to convince your two-year-old to eat when her mind is set on playing with her toys!

For a while, I settled into a dynamic of making demands, her refusing, and a whole tantrum unfolding.

Maybe if I was lucky, all the food would be eaten 45 minutes later.

At times, it felt like a constant battle to keep my sanity together!

The mistake that I was making was having expectations of my daughter to behave a certain way.

What surprised me though, was how differently my daughter responded when I created an agreement with her rather than simply demanding she stay eats her food.

If you tell a 2-year-old that she has to eat and can’t play, all they hear is no play.

Whereas if you create an agreement that they can play immediately after the food on their plate is finished, she listens.

And if the agreement is honoured consistently, the friction is removed.

As you might expect with children, this doesn’t mean that dinner time is now problem free, but my patience hasn’t been tested in a while!

Expectations

The same principles apply to any relationship we have, whether it is personal or professional.

Our disappointment, anger or resentment of others often comes from having an expectation of others.

When we demand something from someone else without agreeing to it.

And when the person doesn’t deliver on our expectations, negative feelings start to build more and more.

Expectations create toxic relationships.

I see this all of the time with my clients in leadership positions.

They have expectations for their team when it comes to targets or project deadlines.

It creates an environment of pressure and fear.

The reality is that people do not like living up to expectations; they rebel against them and feel burdened by the weight of external demands.

Expectations are fear-based and cowardly as they allow us to shift the blame onto others when things don't go as planned.

The reality is that people do not like living up to expectations; they rebel against them and feel burdened by the weight of external demands.

Agreements

On the other hand, creating agreements is a far more powerful and constructive approach.

Agreements are concrete.

You get to sit down with the other person and design the rules together, with both people having a say in how things work.

It's like a partnership, and it's a lot more enjoyable than carrying around a bunch of expectations that only lead to negativity.

Agreements are courageous because they require individuals to step up, take responsibility, and actively participate in shaping the relationship.

It means that the chances of relationships breaking down are smaller.

When you co-author an agreement with someone, you're making a shared commitment.

You sit down, have a conversation, and figure out what you both need to make things work.

By doing that, you can anticipate how things could go wrong ahead of time and prevent future frustrations.

It's a win-win situation!

Change the dynamics of your relationships. Forever.

We have two choices in life when we relate to other people.

One is to have expectations. The other is to create agreements.

In personal relationships, this whole idea is even more important.

When you have a bunch of expectations for your loved ones, like expecting them to make you feel loved, appreciated, or important, it only leads to anxiety, fear, and even depression.

It's a recipe for disaster.

Instead, try having no expectations at all and embrace the power of agreements.

When you let go of expectations, you create room for pleasant surprises.

Imagine going home with absolutely no expectations of the people there.

The only thing that can happen is a pleasant surprise, right?

Sounds pretty good to me!

Looking forward

Expectations often lead to fights and judgments. Agreements bring people together.

As you navigate your way through life, remember that expectations hold you back.

They drain your energy, limit your creativity, and leave you feeling stuck.

But agreements? They set you free.

Agreements foster trust and understanding. They create accountability.

It's all about open conversations, clearly expressing what you want, and finding common ground.

By creating agreements, you can build stronger and healthier relationships.

And when you embrace agreements, you take control of your happiness and success.

You become an active participant in shaping your life.

Trust me, you'll be amazed at the positive impact it will have on your relationships and your overall happiness.

How would your life change if you decided to ditch the expectations you had of others and start embracing agreements?

PS.

If you would like access to an audio that speaks to expectations vs agreements in more detail, send me a message and I will happily share it with you.

PPS.

In case you are interested, I have four places remaining on a new coaching program that I have launched for clients looking to reinvent themselves in the areas of; Career, Business, Self-Confidence or Relationships.

If you are committed to making a change in any of these areas, I am happy to gift you 90 minutes of my time to discuss your goal in more depth.

You can book a time into my calendar using the link below:

https://calendly.com/mkcareersolutions/creating-the-new-you