Expectations Versus Agreements: The Key To Transformational Leadership
I was first exposed to the concept of expectations versus agreements by Coach Steve Chandler.
Even though that was years ago, I find myself revisiting it over and over. In fact, I just got off a call where I spend about half the time talking about this with a client business owner.
It’s a distinction I’ve seen enable dramatic shifts for leaders across all aspects of their lives.
It’s a distinction I try to remind myself of daily.
The Trap of Expectations
We all go through life with expectations—of how others should behave, how a direct report should perform, how a client or customer should show up, and even how board members and investors should act. Most of these expectations remain unclear and unstated, leading to frustration and defensiveness.
Consider this scenario: a leader feels powerful by setting expectations and expresses disappointment when they aren’t met. The recipient, however, often has no idea what the expectations were because they were never clearly communicated. Or they feel like the expectations were unrealistic but they had no ability to challenge them or even have a discussion.
Have you ever been on the receiving end of expectations where someone said, "You should have known," or "You haven’t met my expectations"? The first impulse is often to defend oneself, to argue that you were unaware of what was being asked. Both parties end up in a cycle of frustrated and defensiveness.
Expectations are a curse. If someone meets your expectations, they merely meet the baseline; if they don't, you're left disappointed. It’s a no-win situation, which ultimately hampers productivity and morale.
The Magic of Agreements
An agreement involves a two-way conversation, where both parties have input and buy-in. Unlike unstated or imposed expectations, agreements require mutual understanding and commitment. Agreements are like a magical superpower for engagement and satisfaction.
Imagine this: you have a goal for your sales team. Instead of imposing this target, you discuss it with your team. “Do you agree this is an appropriate goal for the quarter?” If the team leader needs additional resources to meet this goal, you discuss and provide them. This way, everyone is on the same page, and there is a shared commitment to the goal.
An agreement is a dialogue. For example, if Sue says she needs another salesperson to achieve the goal, you consider and provide the necessary resources (or adjust the goal). This transforms the interaction from a top-down directive to a true conversation. The goal is now a mutual commitment rather than an imposed expectation.
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Agreements transform defensiveness into collaboration. When people have input and agree on the goals and deliverables, they are more motivated to achieve them. This approach doesn’t just remake your business; it can significantly improve personal relationships too.
Real-Life Impact
Reflecting on my own life, I’ve noticed that issues in my relationships (yes, including my wife) have often stemmed from unspoken expectations rather than explicit agreements. When both parties are clear about their commitments and have agreed upon them, the relationship thrives. When expectations are allowed to fester, everyone is frustrated. This principle applies to professional relationships as well. Clear agreements prevent misunderstandings and foster a cooperative environment.
In professional settings, agreements can reshape team dynamics. When team members know what is expected and have agreed to their roles and responsibilities, they are more likely to take ownership of their tasks. This leads to higher accountability and better performance.
Shifting from Expectations to Agreements
The shift from expectations to agreements requires a conscious effort to communicate clearly and involve all parties in the decision-making process. Here are some steps to facilitate this shift:
Conclusion
Shifting from expectations to agreements can transform your leadership, enhance your business outcomes, and shift your personal relationships as well. Embrace the magic of agreements and watch everything change for the better. As a leader, moving away from the curse of expectations and towards the magic of agreements can be a game-changer.
Improved results with less stress for everyone. What could be better?
How have agreements versus expectations played a role in your leadership journey?
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