Expectation vs Reality

A few weeks ago, while my son was on his fall break, I decided to take him for a little trip down to Southern Utah. In preparing for this trip, I had everything mentally mapped out. What the drive down would be like, with him and me talking, laughing, looking at the scenery and stopping for snacks along the way. I imagined the peaceful drive down to Hurricane, Utah (just outside of St. George). I pictured an amazing hotel with fun things nearby. Great downtime where I could write and reflect. Taking my son swimming, shopping, sightseeing and having fun driving around, looking at houses. I got excited about eating at restaurants we don’t have in Salt Lake City. I looked forward to seeing my cousin and friends. This was going to be a glorious weekend full of fun and memories!

The plan was to leave on Thursday when I got off at work at noon. We would have everything packed up and ready to go as soon as I drove up to pick my little guy up. But my husband unexpectedly announced he would be coming home for 2 nights. This was the first of many changes to the itinerary and to the expectations I’d set for this trip. I ended up taking Thursday off work so we could spend a little family time together before leaving. I managed to still have everything packed and, in the car, so me and my son could hit the road by 12:30.

We got about 20 miles down the freeway and I quickly realized that the stories I’ve heard of the traffic down to Southern Utah over fall break were all true. Maybe I was a little na?ve, or just hopeful, I’m not sure, but regardless, the traffic was thick and heavy and with lots of semi truck’s intertwined with trucks pulling boats and campers, my typical 80mph drive down the open road was quickly turning into stop-and-go-50-mph-why-wont-this-person-get-over type of drive.

What normally takes about 4 hours took closer to 6, but at last we were approaching the exit to our hotel. I was exhausted and excited! We got off the exit and started driving down the road towards Hurricane, where I had booked our hotel. Somehow, I expected it to be just off the freeway, but it was about another 10 miles down the highway. Another reality check for me and my agenda. But we made it and that’s all that mattered!

We had plans to meet a friend and her kids for dinner that night and she suggested we just go to their condo and have take-out and play games. I was happy to surrender my plans for hers. As much as I love the idea of going and sitting in a restaurant, I was tired from the long drive and just relaxing and letting the kids play sounded great. And it was great! We had a wonderful time as my son made a new friend, and played a new game. A game that would soon become the highlight of our entire trip!

By Friday night I came to the reality that this trip was going to be absolutely nothing as I had planned. My expectations were being shot down one by one as I thought of what I intended to do and compared that with the reality. My son needed much more of my attention than I had anticipated. So I did get a little bit of writing done, but not much and certainly not a whole book (as I had optimistically set my goal). Nice dinners out became what was convenient and easy. While our hotel was nice, there was absolutely nothing nearby. And the time at the pool was my son playing make believe while I played a role in his game. 

Saturday, we hit some big road bumps when I decided it was time to drive into St. George and go look at some houses. I look forward to this every time we go down there, and since it’d been 4 years since we’d made the trip, I was anxious to be reminded of the beauty of the homes and scenery in some of my favorite areas. My son didn’t want to leave the hotel and was perfectly content playing another round of Dominion, swimming and playing his Xbox. But I had my plans and I felt I had already deviated enough. It was my turn to do something I had come on this trip to do. But as I pushed my expectations and plans on my son, I was met with resistance. He was tired and hungry, and he was much less excited about going and looking at houses than he had been previously. The fact that I hadn’t set up appointments and was driving aimlessly didn’t help. I finally through all my plans out the window and take him mini golfing. This started out great but took a turn for the worse when my son wanted to do more activities, but the line was too long, and I told him no. We walked to the car and discovered a flat tire. I sat back and wondered if this trip could get any worse. Although we had some fun times, it just hadn’t gone anything like I had expected.

We made to a local Pizza Hut and sat and ate pizza while we waited the hour and a half for roadside assistance to come put on my spare. I checked to see what tire places were open in the morning and most were closed on Sundays. However, much to my delight, the Walmart that was only 5 miles from our hotel was open and had the tire center. I was able to get our tire fixed Sunday morning, and still get on the road and sit in traffic for the long drive back home. We didn’t stop at JC Mickelson’s like I had planned because of the later start and the heavy traffic. Somehow, despite the challenges, we still made it home by 5pm, just as I had promised my older sons.

So, what did I learn from this trip? I learned that expectations create frustration. When you have no expectations, then the experiences are just experiences. There are no feelings of being let down. No feeling of forcing things to happen. Sometimes the best experiences come from being spontaneous and taking things as they come. Our expectations are rarely met. Whether the ones we set for ourselves, or the ones we set for others, reality rarely meets that expectation because life happens. Sometimes things like a flat tire, a grumpy kid, or a crowded fun center can change the trajectory of our plans. But when we let go of expectation and find the joy in what the reality is, we can find peace, happiness and contentment. Sometimes it’s all about being present in the moment and when we are holding on to expectations, it can be hard to do that.

What if we let go of all our expectations and just learned to live life as it comes?