Expectation gaps: the easy-to-forget stakeholder management tool

How come that when we give stakeholders what they say they want, they’re not happy? It’s because when our expectations exceed reality we feel unhappy. So when our stakeholders are unhappy it’s because they expect something different than what they’re getting. Even though it’s what they said they wanted. It can feel unfair in that way sometimes, nevertheless there’s a way for you to avoid frustrating situations like this.

Nothing can ruin a great day quite like bumping into a disappointed and unhappy stakeholder, so you need to prepare appropriately to keep your good days good, and get those that start off bad better quickly. I’ve had a lot of smiling stakeholders even though plans, budgets, timelines and events didn’t turn out as planned, and the key to that was managing their expectations.

What is expectation management?

When we’re at work, we’re constantly repeating cycles of expectations being raised and hopes being met or dashed. While this is natural and happens all the time - some would say that it’s just part of life, I firmly believe that it can be managed to the extent where the hopes being met outweighs the times when hopes ar ebeing dashed. The challenge is when the limitlessness of our minds (where our expectations are build and nurtured) collides with the confined, restricted world of ‘reality’ - then we get disappointed and unhappy. The reason we (and therefore stakeholders) are sometimes unhappy, as indicated by data and researchNOTE HER, is due to our expectations. When our expectations exceed reality we feel unhappy.

You don't just manage stakeholder's expectations, but your own too

So many of us make the mistake of thinking that we’re managing expectations by getting our stakeholders to accept and agree upon what we think is reality, what we think is going to happen. But what we think is reality is really just an expression of our own expectations. This can potentially mean you (unintentionally) impose your expectations unto your stakeholder - and that’s not managing expectations, that’s dismissing the other person and dismissing their expectations.

Managing expectations isn’t only about asking good questions and listening actively, it’s about sharing and managing both yours and your stakeholders expectations.

So you don’t just manage stakeholders expectations, but your own too.

How are expectations different from requirements?

More than once I’ve seen project managers mixing the task of gathering requirements, i.e. creating a user requirement specification from stakeholders, with balancing expectations. But there is a critical difference between agreed-upon criteria for deliveries and software performance and expectations.

By definition, an expectation is not something that can be agreed upon between people; expectation are beliefs that a certain event is likely to happen. Expectations are purely conjecture about what the future might hold, based upon strongly held assumptions rather than facts. Also, a subtle detail about expectations is that they are subjective; and no other person can be hold accountable for fulfilling someone else’s expectations.

WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR MANAGING STAKEHOLDERS EXPECTATIONS?

As an individual I'ld assume you naturally feel responsible for managing your own expectations. But in turn this also means that your stakeholders are responsible for managing their own expectations. Does this mean that we are unable to place the responsibility for managing expectations on any particular person. Yes.

Does this also mean that you shouldn't use expectation management as a strategic tool to engage with and influence your stakeholders? No. You can better help a stakeholder if you know their ideas, concerns and expectations and as you might recall from this article: How to grab (and keep) someone's attention, the essence of stakeholder management is to help others (your stakeholders). So if you’re not actively managing stakeholders’ expectations you’re not really being as strategic and successful with your stakeholder management as you could be.

THE CHALLENGE: THE EXPECTATION GAPS

This is such an intriguing subect! I originally found my personal interest in expectations gaps when I watched Nat Ware's TED talk (link in comments) and in recent years I’ve studied it through the work of psychologist Dr. Jennice Vilhauer. If you’ve been in any of my workshops, you probably already know about it.

The expectation gaps helped me understand how easy it is for us, as change leaders, to talk past our stakeholders, which causes them or ourselves to become disappointed and unhappy with the situation, or worse unhappy with ourselves.

The want gap vs. the expect gap

This is when what we want doesn’t match what we expect. As Jennice puts it: “Many people walk around thinking they are acting on what they want, when in reality they are acting on their expectations. Our brains work on the principle of anticipation; we constantly predict what we think is likely top happen before it ever occurs. And that it was we act on.” Effectively this means that if your stakeholders expectations aren’t aligned with what they want chances are they become disappointed somewhere along the road, causing you and your project trouble. It also means that even if you know what your stakeholders want and you say you can deliver it, but your stakeholders don’t expect it to be delivered they are constant skeptics and will be acting counterproductive - because we act according to what we expect, not what we want.

The imagination gap

The imagination gap happens when what we imagine exceeds reality. I.e. if your boss imagines the project will finish in February but you’re not done by then he’ll be disappointed. If you imagine your boss knows there will be delays but then he acts up when February comes and you’re not finished, you’ll be disappointed.

The comparison gap

That’s where we compare our reality to the reality of others. Put simply, we judge ourselves based on what we experience around us. If you work long hours and no one else does you’ll feel that it is unfair, if you work long hours and everyone else does too it will feel fair. If you get a small pay rise but everyone around you gets a large pay rise, you’ll be disappointed.

The past gap

This is when we compare our past to our now. Take two people who have the same average lifetime income. The person A whose income decreases over their lifetime; person B whose income increases. Now research shows that you’re always happier if you’re person B, if you have that increasing income, even though the average might be the same. Why is this? It’s because of something that psychologists refer to as anchoring. We compare to our past and if you’re constantly improving, constantly exceeding expectations, constantly moving forward, you’re generally happy. The reverse is true if you’re person A.

How to overcome the challenge and use expectation maangement as a strategic tool? Keep reading...

7 TACTICS TO MANAGE EXPECTATION GAPS

You have your own expectations and they are different from your stakeholders. What you imagine is different from your stakeholder, how and who you compare yourself too is different than your stakeholder, and the past you’ve experienced and refer to is different than your stakeholders. It becomes easy to assume your stakeholders hold the same images, references and understandings as you, so your explanations and idea of alignment end up based on those assumptions, not on what your stakeholders actually expect. As a result, your stakeholders tune out and lose confidence in what you’re saying.

Tactic #1 Take expectations seriously

As Nat explains it: “Yes, we want to make people believe in a bright future, but we don’t want to delude them or delude ourselves.” Imagine together, never bend the truth to match what people want to hear if you don’t fully trust you can deliver on it.

Tactic #2 Make stakeholders give up wanting what they want (be careful and respectful)

Explore if there is a chance that what the stakeholder is expressing they want, isn’t really what they want. Do not try to influence a stakeholder to give up what they want unless, but nudging the stakeholder reflect upon what they really want, qua LINK to three levels of problems, can be a genuine help to them to come into closer alignment with what is meaningful to them. Be respectful, and do not use this to get what you want if it will be of cost to your stakeholder.

Tactic #3 Make imagining a we-thing

Imagine together with your stakeholder, so you share expectations. Instead of asking “What do you imagine will happen once the project is rolled out?”, ask “What can we imagine that will happen once the project is rolled out?” and fill in the story together.

Tactic #4 Shift expectations to match up with wants

When your expectations about the future don't paint a picture you are looking forward to, you will need to learn how to change your expectations. but it is possible to change expectations to match up with what you or your stakeholders wants so you can take consistent and aligned action. This technique is from Dr. Jennice Vilhauer I just added a few tweaks to it to convert it into a stakeholder management context. Here are 3 steps to match expectations to wants:

1. Identify the want vs. expect gap by asking: “What do we expect to happen?” If you get a positive feeling it means it’s aligned with what you want, if it’s a negative feeling it means it’s not aligned with what you want and you shoud continue to step 2:
2. Explore with your stakeholder: What would we like to have happen instead? This identifies what you really want to happen - often times what you want is the very thing you’re not expecting to happen.
3. What do we need to do to make what we want, happen?” When your stakeholders have a negative expectation of what will happen it’s because they’re focused on all the things that could go wrong. Instead, this question helps you generate thoughts and ideas about how to make it go right.
4. Concluding step number 3 should leave you with a plan, and this is where the shift starts to happen - every successful step you take towards that plan starts to change your stakeholders’ (and your) expectations.

Tactic #5 Let stakeholders discover benefits incrementally

To overcome the past gap, through cleverly planned communication you can increase your stakeholders knowledge about benefits they’ll experience little by little. This will keep painting a brighter and brighter picture, as they will compare yesterdays benefits with todays benefits and see that it keeps getting better and you’ll create a lucrative momentum for the support in your idea or project.

Tactic #6 Question Your assumptions

Ask your friend, coworker, child...ask what it is they want or need in any particular situation. It’s so easy to assume that your spouse is going to want their favorite meal for their birthday dinner. But really they might just want to take a quiet bath. 

It’s easy to assume your assistant knows exactly to whom you want your memo emailed; but they might send it to the wrong department. Save yourself time and effort; ask in advance.

Tactic #7 Explore your stakeholder's biases

Think about any common history or relationship you may have had with them; do they give you any clues as to their perspective? This likely speaks to how they are coming to the situation with preconceptions; preconceptions grease the wheels for expectations. In this scenario, you can use expectations as opportunities. Not only can you anticipate what they might expect, you can under-promise and over-deliver. Simple, right?

Beware that you don’t impose your expectations unto the other person, that’s not managing expectations that’s dismissing your stakeholder and their expectation.

I realise that right now some of you might be thinking: “I don’t expect that to work for me.” so I’ld like to end this article with a Henry Ford quote:

“Whether you think you can or can’t, you are right.”

Tell me, how do you usually leverage expectation gaps as a stakeholder management tool?