The Existential Stirring
Katie Sandoe, D.Ed. - The Sparkologist? ?
Speaker, Leadership and Wellbeing Expert, Podcast Host, Taco Lover | Sparking transformation in how people live, work, and lead through the power of purpose.
“Is this what life is really all about?”
That’s the question I asked myself 15 years ago, which led me to journey down the purpose path.
As a woman of faith, I know why I was created. But I asked myself this question as it related to what I was meant to do with this one, beautiful life. Surely it was more than what the world told me would lead to success and happiness: Choose a career, build a family, enjoy hobbies and vacations, travel a bit, perhaps volunteer, and then retire. While those are good and wonderful things—they even bring us moments of happiness (along with a LOT of other complicated feelings)—that path also felt incomplete. Something was missing.
I remember the first time I consciously questioned that expected path to success—the moment that nagging question left my lips. It was a Sunday evening in early winter. I sat in an over-sized chair in my living room, watching the rain fall against the window. I remember feeling like I was living in a “groundhog day” cycle of hustle HARD all week and then recover on the weekend. I’d take a few vacations a year, but they were more destination experiences, as I was still plugged in. I was pouring myself into work, yet for who’s benefit? I was making money, but what difference was I making?
My career had advanced and I was earning more money, more responsibility, more notoriety. But I felt tired, like soulfully tired. There were moments of happiness, but I didn’t feel fulfilled. This path of achieving and accumulating felt empty. It also felt like I could never do enough or be enough to satisfy what society views as successful. I remember speaking these words: “There must be more to life than this.” But what?
The Answer
At first, I didn’t tell anyone about my existential question. I mean, I was in my late 20’s for heaven’s sake. Who has a “midlife crisis” when they’re early in their career? I also didn’t want to seem ungrateful. It was in the midst of the Great Recession, so I was grateful to have a job. I generally liked my work, where I worked, and who I worked with. So, why was my soul tired?
I was missing meaning in work. I was missing purpose.
Viktor Frankl (1905 - 1997), the Austrian psychiatrist and Holocaust Survivor, believed that at the core of the human experience is the search for life’s meaning. He developed logotherapy, part of existential and humanistic psychology, which includes three central tenets:
Frankl believed that we must find the meaning in all the spaces and events of our lives, including work, which would ultimately lead to fulfillment and happiness. He observed, through is own experiences, that we can find meaning even in the hardest of times. And without meaning, we face psychological distress. Ahem, “midlife crisis” anyone?
Ah! So, there wasn’t something wrong with me. The stirring I felt was pointing to my human need for finding meaning in my work and at work.
The Action
It was serendipitous timing when I finally asked myself this question, as I was reading a book that introduced two exercises which ultimately led me to understand the power of purpose.
The first was the “Funeral Exercise” by Stephen Covey, where you visualize your own funeral. You imagine people gather to celebrate your life. As people go to the stage to share, you think about what you want them to say about you. A few years ago, I came across a similar exercise where you write your own obituary—the one reflecting your life now and the one you desire most. Your answers to either exercise reflect the legacy you want to leave.
The second was the Reflected Best Self, developed by researchers at the University of Michigan, where you ask a few people who know you well to share when they’ve seen you at your best. Not what you’re best at, but when you’ve been at your best. Their answers reflect when and how you make the greatest impact on others.
My answers to those two exercises changed my perspective on work (and life) forever.
For my legacy, I realized that what mattered most to me was living a life where people felt seen and loved—that they knew their life had purpose. And if they choose to lean into what they’re passionate about, we could make a better world together.
And people shared that I was at my best when I stopped focusing on what I “should” do (caring what other people think and following the supposed path to success) and instead focused on inspiring others towards a shared goal. Especially inspiring women to live boldly and courageously.
Collectively, these two exercises led me to my purpose: To spark the power of purpose in others and help women live into their limitless potential. Now, I’ve spent the last 15 years refining this statement, so don’t be too impressed. At the beginning it was messy and I wasn’t quite sure how to apply this new discovery to my job, but I knew I had found my life’s work. Choosing to be grounded in my purpose profoundly changed the way I live and lead.
The Existential Stirring
I wasn’t in midlife when I first wrestled with that initial existential question, but I certainly was in a period of transition where I struggled with my identity, career, and desire for something different. I call it an “existential crisis of work” and I’ve come to realize that I’m not alone.
Here we are, 15 years later, and so many people are experiencing this same “Existential Stirring” as I call it. Week after week, I’m talking with men and women in their 20s through 50s who are searching for meaning in their work and life. They are grateful for their jobs and what they have accomplished, but they feel a pull toward a different way of living.
领英推荐
If this is you, please know you are in good company! If you aren’t sure where to start, I recommend journaling on the two exercises I describe above. Your answers will provide the foundation for activating your life’s work. Then consider how you can take small steps toward integrating your purpose into your work and the other domains of your life. And for an inspirational message to help you visualize this integration, I recommend watching Wes Moore’s “The Difference Between Your Job and Your Work”.
Workshops & Events
Spring is the season for growth, rejuvenation, and discovery! Perhaps you’re ready to discover and activate your purpose? Join Dr. Katie for one of her transformative workshops, hosted by Light Echo Co. and our valued partners.
These workshops offer a space of wonderment and belonging, where you can explore key elements of your identity, creativity, leadership, and vision for the future. Each are tailored to give attendees opportunities for deep reflection, connection and community with others, and actionable steps to transform the way you live and work. Upcoming topics include:
Click here to explore these workshops and to register.
Caring Leaders
You’ve like heard the term “empathy” before, including recommendations from management experts that leaders need to take a more empathetic approach in the workplace. But do you really know what empathy is (and is not)? Do you know the role emotional intelligence (EQ) has in developing your empathy skills? Check out this article by McKinsey & Company on the value of empathy at work.
And if you’re looking to develop improve your own EQ and empathy skills, along with that of your team, we’d love to connect with you on a customized training to help your organization foster better understanding and collaboration.
Email Dr. Katie: [email protected]
What We’re Reading
“Man’s Search for Meaning” by Viktor Frankl offers a riveting exploration of how someone can find meaning in every situation—both the every day moments and those filled with challenge and suffering.
First published in 1959, it has become one of the most influential books in America and continues to inpsire readers to find significance in the very act of living.
“Man’s search for meaning is the primary motivation in his life [,,,] This meaning is unique and specific in that it must and can be fulfilled by him alone; only then does it achieve a significance which will satisfy his own will to meaning.” (p. 99).
Click here to get the book.