The Exhausted Pigeon and Dead Caterpillar: Motherhood, Work, and the Fight for Balance

“I am not an early bird or a night owl. I am some form of permanently exhausted pigeon.”

This simple meme, shared countless times on mommy blogs and social media, struck a chord with me like nothing else. As I stared at that comically drained bird, I realized it perfectly captured my experience as a working mother.

This hit me hard.

I felt it deep, in my gut, in my heart, in my entire being. It was not funny but a cry for help. I was that pigeon a few years ago.

As a working mother, that image resonates deeply. The constant juggling act between career and family often leaves me feeling like that comically drained bird, wings splayed in defeat.

But lately, I've been thinking about a different analogy - one that hits even closer to home. It's the 'Caterpillar Principle' that Dr. James Dobson writes about in his book 'Bringing Up Boys'.?

He cites a study done by the French naturalist Jean-Henri Fabre. In the experiment, Fabre lined up many caterpillars around the edge of a flower pot and for 3 days watched them march around it in a never-ending circle.?

At the end of the 3rd day, Fabre placed some pine needles, which caterpillars apparently love to eat, in the center of the pot to see which of the hungry creatures would find the food.?

You can guess what happened. They continued to tromp in their circle for 4 more days until one by one they rolled over on their backs and died of exhaustion and starvation.

We moms, while of course smarter than the caterpillars, find ourselves involved in a similar exercise. We do what we do because that's what other moms around us are doing. Don't believe it??

Ask yourself this: How many times have you pushed yourself to the brink of exhaustion, trying to balance work, childcare, housework, and self-care, simply because you thought that's what a "good mom" should do?

Motherhood is relentless, beautiful work. From sleepless nights with a newborn to the mental load of managing a household, it's a full-time job in itself. Yet society still expects women to "have it all" - building and excelling in careers while being Pinterest-perfect moms. The reality is far messier.

A 2022 McKinsey study found that mothers were 1.5 times more likely than fathers to spend 3+ hours daily on housework and childcare. This "second shift" takes a toll, with 43% of women feeling burned out compared to 31% of men.?

Those statistics reflect my lived experience - the endless mental checklist, the guilt when work runs late and the child keeps waiting for the school pickup, drenched in the rain, to the exhaustion of being "on" 24/7.

Dr. Katrina Alcorn, author of "Maxed Out: American Moms on the Brink," puts it perfectly: "The problem is not with women — the problem is with the unrealistic expectations placed on women."?

Our culture still views childcare and household management as primarily women's work, even as more mothers enter the workforce. This creates an unsustainable situation for many.

From a business perspective, this imbalance has serious implications. Studies show that working mothers face a "motherhood penalty" in hiring and wages, while fathers often receive a boost. Yet companies that support working parents see benefits in retention, productivity and innovation.?

Forward-thinking businesses are taking note. Companies like Patagonia offer on-site childcare, while others have expanded parental leave policies. These aren't just feel-good measures - they're smart business. A Boston Consulting Group study found that companies with better gender diversity had 19% higher innovation revenue. Clearly, retaining talented women pays off.

Still, these exemplary companies are the exception. Many workplaces still operate on an outdated model that assumes a stay-at-home spouse handling all family responsibilities. As a result, women - especially mothers - often get pushed out of leadership tracks or leave the workforce entirely.

This loss of talent has wider ramifications. Countries with higher female labor force participation tend to have stronger economies. Yet in the U.S., nearly 2 million women left the workforce during the pandemic, erasing decades of progress. The childcare crisis played a major role, highlighting how crucial family support is to keeping women employed.

Politically, this should be a top priority. Countries like Sweden have shown how robust parental leave, subsidized child care, and workplace flexibility can boost both birth rates and women's careers. Whereas in the rest of the world, we're still debating whether childcare is an economic issue (spoiler alert: it absolutely is) and grappling with falling birth rates at alarming rates.

The pandemic laid bare how essential caregiving is to our society and economy. It's time for a radical rethinking of how we value and support this work. We need policies that recognize the realities of modern families - things like paid family leave, affordable childcare, flexible work arrangements, and a more equitable division of household labor.

As that meme reminds me, motherhood is exhausting enough without fighting systemic barriers.

Until then, I'll keep advocating for change, knowing that my struggle is shared by millions.?