Executive Leaders Often Have Undiagnosed ADD. Why?

If you are interested in my personal story of how I went from a D or F student to a 4.0 Ph.D., I’ll happily tell you.??

The story that I would prefer to tell you though is how I went through 2 marriages and hard feelings due to my own ADD. Yes, I got to the C Suite ... but...

ADD or ADHD ... It’s a Super Power.

And, it also has consequences.?

It leads to brain functioning that is superior in many, many ways to a "normal" brain. ADD people can take in more information and see possibilities beyond what a non-ADD person can. But ... what are the harms of ADD on others and yourself?

Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) is a bad name.??

First, it shouldn’t be called a disorder.?? Neuroscientists now call it a type of neurodivergence meaning, quite literally, those with ADD have a brain that works differently.?? It’s not card-counting-at-the-casino-level difference, but we do process information and reality quite differently.??

It’s like the shoe.

Do you remember the shoe that went around the internet???

So many people saw the laces as teal and the shoe as gray.?? For me, it was always pink and white.??

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What color did you see?

Or, the blue and black dress.? Remember that one?? Half of people see gold and white, not black and blue.??

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What color did you see?

Those are just simple examples of how people can see the same object very differently.?

An ADD brain is like that – on steroids.??

All too often, we’ve thought of ADD as a child-like condition.?? But, in my coaching work with executives, I have found that at least 70% of the executives I coach have undiagnosed, and well-managed ADD.?? Why?

?First, let’s explore ADD in general.? ADD? can profoundly enhance both personal growth and professional excellence. As a leader who has navigated the complexities of ADD firsthand, I share insights not only from a coaching perspective but also through the lens of personal experience. My journey and the strategies I advocate aim to help other leaders identify the signs of ADD and navigate its outcomes for better performance at work and harmony at home.

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The Dual Face of ADD in Leadership

?Leadership with ADD is a paradox with challenges and strengths. The ability to hyper-focus, a notable trait among leaders with ADD, allows for exceptional crisis management and innovation. However, this intensity can overshadow the need for work-life balance, often leading to difficulties in disengaging from professional responsibilities and fostering personal relationships.? This is just one paradox of at least 12 core traits of ADD.

ADD leaders can take in vast amounts of information and turn around projects with 24 hours notice.?? They also can say the thing that everyone may be thinking, but any good sensical person would not say out loud in the meeting room, lest they embarrass a colleague.??

As someone who was once considered the "dumb kid" until a perceptive teacher saw potential in me, I understand the nuances of ADD from an intimate perspective. This experience transformed my view of myself and my capabilities, highlighting the importance of recognizing and addressing ADD in leadership roles.

Common signs of ADD such as disorganization, impulsivity, and time management issues can spill over from work, affecting personal lives and relationships. There are many more ... and, I'm happy to go through them with you, but most important, I want to talk about how it hits home.

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Impact on Relationships at Home

This is where the rubber meets the road, as most of the ADD Leaders I coach are Executives or certainly at the top of the organization in a significant position of leadership, but at home, they are not the boss.?? Far from it.?? The personal challenges I faced with ADD, particularly in maintaining relationships and managing emotional regulation, mirror those experienced by many leaders.

The symptoms of ADD, including perceived neglect and inconsistency, can strain personal connections, emphasizing the need for awareness and adaptation in familial interactions.? Put simply, partners of an ADD Leader often feel like they are put last.?? They sometimes feel not seen or heard.?? They can feel like they have to be the parent in reminding the ADD leader of family responsibilities and commitments.? And, in many cases, these marriages are not healthy.?? Consider some of the outcomes of ADD relationships outlined by Melissa Orlov, an expert on ADD in couples:

1. Poor Communication: Due to distractibility and difficulties with listening, individuals with ADD may struggle to engage in meaningful conversations with their partners. This can lead to misunderstandings and feelings of being ignored or neglected.
2. Inconsistency and Unreliability: The variability in the ability to manage daily tasks and responsibilities can lead to feelings of frustration for the non-ADD partner, who may feel burdened with more than their fair share of household management and decision-making.
3. Emotional Volatility: ADD can affect emotional regulation, resulting in outbursts, irritability, or mood swings. These emotional responses can be disproportionate to the situation, causing confusion and conflict within the relationship.
4. Responsibility Imbalance: The disorganization and forgetfulness associated with ADD often mean that one partner may end up taking a larger role in managing the household and family responsibilities, leading to an imbalance that can foster resentment.
5. Financial Strain: Impulsivity can extend to financial decisions, where an individual with ADD might make impulsive purchases or struggle with budgeting and financial planning. This can create significant stress and conflict over finances.
6. Intimacy Issues: Emotional disconnects and the daily frustrations associated with managing ADD symptoms can lead to a decrease in intimacy. Partners may feel disconnected not only physically but also emotionally.
7. Conflict Escalation: Due to difficulties in resolving conflicts effectively—stemming from impulsivity and poor emotional regulation—disagreements might escalate more quickly and become more severe than they otherwise would.

In our society, we think of ADD as this twitchy, cocaine-like person who can't sit still. That's not really how it works. This is why so many executives are confused and don't think they have ADD when they clearly do. So, there is a need here.?? There is a need for better awareness, education, and real techniques for helping.

Adopting strategies that cater to both professional and personal life is crucial. This includes establishing clear boundaries, enhancing communication, and implementing routines. My approach in coaching is to equip leaders with tools to manage their unique challenges effectively, improving decision-making and emotional well-being.? Through coaching, I focus on empowering leaders to navigate the complexities of ADD. Addressing specific challenges such as depression and relationship management can lead to a more stable and fulfilling life. My personal transformation from the confusion of ADD to achieving clarity and success serves as a testament to the potential that lies in addressing and harnessing ADD’s challenges.

If you are interested in my personal story of how I went from a D or F student to a 4.0 Ph.D., I’ll happily tell you.?? The story that I would prefer to tell you though is how I went through 2 marriages while also becoming a Chief People Officer by my early 40s.??

ADD is not benign.? It is my super power.?? I can hold vast amounts of information.? I know statistics about the weirdest sh*t you can imagine.? I can turn around a project in 4 hours and write a 50-page paper by morning.? But, I’ve battled with depression.? I’ve struggled in my love relationships feeling adored one minute and seemingly hated the next.?? I have pissed people off by saying the thing I shouldn’t say, pressed send on the button when I should have paused, and generally done things my own way.?? I have been impulsive.?? My wife could give you so many stories of my foot in my mouth.??

?So… it is not without consequences having such a super power.? My brain works faster than my filter.? ?I can write a symphony while my family is listening to 4 different music streams on 4 different devices but God help me if someone is clipping their nails 4 flights up in my house while I’m trying to read.?? That consistent clip, clip, clip will send my arm hairs straight up. It’s a strange brain to be sure.?? But, one that I’ve learned to work with.? It’s taken a lot of professional development, seminiars, and coaching to fully understand.?

You don't need medicine. I'm not saying that you shouldn't take it. But, there are other ways. You do need coaching, though.

I’ve been coaching executives with ADD for some time now.? I would not have put myself in this position as someone who's struggled with ADD myself. But, sometimes the worst players make the best coaches.?? I’ve made all the mistakes, and I understand the challenges well.? Unfortunately, it does take work.?? For leaders grappling with ADD, embracing your challenges and turning them into strengths is not just possible—it's transformative. My own journey from being misunderstood to recognizing my potential and excelling in both professional and personal realms underscores the importance of understanding ADD in leadership. If you are ready to manage ADD more effectively and achieve harmony in your life, specialized coaching can provide the guidance needed to thrive.

?By understanding the signs and potential outcomes of ADD, and by engaging in specialized coaching, leaders can ensure they not only excel in their careers but also lead richer, more rewarding personal lives.

Cheers,

Dr. Ryan Pride

Dr. Ryan Pride is the Founder of the Moksha Group - an executive coaching, team building, and culture change company helping workplaces create more inspiring, more connected, and higher-performing organizations.

Learn More Here | https://www.themokshagroup.com/