Executive Function and Teens

Executive Function and Teens

This coming Tuesday I will be teaching a parent? class on executive functioning in middle school. Obviously I have been giving quite a bit of thought to how ADHD affects executive functioning, and leads to misunderstandings with teachers and parents. I think there are two issues at play here: Unrealistic expectations and confusion over? how to teach these skills. ADHD is a neurological disorder, NOT a behavioral disorder.? Punishment over forgetfulness, impulsivity, and organization skills doesn’t grow white matter in the brain. Education of ADHD is essential in helping to teach our kids the skills needed in the classroom and at home.? We also need to take these kids where they are and help them move forward without shame over their gap in skills with peers. What I see more and more often is a sense of fear and embarrassment that festers in these kids and by the time they hit high school they lose trust in the system. They don’t want to ask for help for fear of a negative response from the adult.?

If we are being honest, how many of us parents have said things like, “It’s not that hard!’, or “Why does it seem like everyone else can handle this on their own?”, or “stop being lazy.”?? I wince then I think of the times that my son? couldn’t get started on something and I would yell, “Oh my GOD Jake!! Just DO it…. You could have been done by now. It’s just NOT THAT HARD!”? I, with my own ADHD struggles, couldn't see at the moment that it actually WAS that hard for Jake. It is easy as a parent to look at the task that needs to be done and the deadline for when it is due and set expectations around that rather than our kid’s capability. I know firsthand how it feels to be incapable of starting a task and yet I could look at a due date for my son’s homework and let my own feelings of urgency get in the way of seeing where he was. My expectation that he could just sit and get the assignment done wasn’t realistic. Just because I was busy didn’t mean he could get started on his own. ADHD people are a few years behind in maturity, and the frontal lobe of our brains are actually a few years behind in development. Guess what is in that frontal lobe? Executive function. Just because your child hits middle school, doesn’t mean that they suddenly have those skills. When our brain development is happening at a different rate, and our ability to focus is lagging, it is like we have all the cords needed, but don’t have the right amount of outlets.??

When our kids are in elementary school, the teachers act as their executive function. Most kids have one teacher for a majority of their day and that teacher has the opportunity to get to know them throughout the year. Teachers in elementary school remind students of events, write material on the white board that may stay there all week, redirect students if they are off task, and remind students to take things home that they will need. In other words, in the younger years, adults initiate prompts and they walk kids through it all. Many times, however, these kids get to middle school hearing that they suddenly should be old enough to do things on their own. Kids are expected to know they will need a prompt and decide what prompt to send themselves. They should know what the homework is, write it somewhere, and plan for a test at the end of the week. Basically, the students are expected to initiate the prompts for upcoming events.? The question is, what if they can’t? What are we doing to teach these skills if they haven’t developed naturally?? Joyce Cooper-Kahn wrote a book on boosting ef skills in the classroom. (https://www.amazon.com/Boosting-Executive-Skills-Classroom-Practical/dp/1118141091

) She points out the missing link, which is adults initiating prompts, but rather than walking kids through everything they ask questions. Adults can say things like, “This essay needs to be finished at home. What will you need to add to this? What materials will you need?” or teachers can ask how the student plans to get started.? So many kids with ADHD could get their classwork done if they knew how to get started. When a student is sitting and staring at an empty page it would be helpful for teachers to recognize that IS communication. This is a kid that doesn’t know how to begin.

Middle school is an important time for many reasons, and learning executive function skills is one of them. As parents and teachers we need to look at these kids with a new lens. After spending 15 minutes explaining what is expected for a project it can be frustrating to have a student that admits they don’t know what to do. When that kid does ask, and the response is, “I just explained that. You should have been listening”, I will tell you that they KNOW they should have been listening. Zoning out is a frustrating piece of ADHD and outside that kid’s control. Eventually kids stop asking. It can be easier to have missing work than feel stupid in front of peers or embarrassed with a teacher. It is more helpful to check the ego at the door and start asking some questions to meet this kid where they are and help them move forward. Having realistic expectations is the first step in helping to teach the skills they will need to move forward.