Executive Coaching: Recovering from a Traumatic Past

It so happens that most of us have had embarrassing past experiences in a public context. This is a trauma we tend to carry on our shoulders well into the present moments, even if unconsciously... which makes us sweaty, nervous and ineffective as speakers.

For an executive leader that is a challenging proposition, as your daily life revolves around just that - inspiring your audience and public speaking.

Here are 5 steps to recover, heal and step into an empowered self.

1. Discover the Root Cause:

• Self-Reflect: Reflect on your past experiences with public speaking. Although painful (the way to empowerment is addressing these wounds), pinpoint any specific incidents that caused you embarrassment in public.
• Explore in safety: Once the traumatic event(s) is identified, talk about it to a trusted mentor or coach. It is important that the person is supportive and encouraging, and doesn't shame you further. Acknowledging the fear's origin lessens its grip.
• Seek further professional help if needed: If the fear stems from a deeply rooted traumatic experience, consider seeking the help of a therapist experienced in cognitive therapies to address these underlying issues.

2. Reframe and Heal:

• Challenge negative beliefs: It is likely that you hold a lot of limiting beliefs about your capabilities and what it means to be in public. A healthy next step is to reframe negative beliefs about yourself and public speaking. Question self-limiting thoughts and replace them with positive affirmations. For example, shift from "I am utterly miserable in public speaking" to "I am empowering myself to speak in public, one step at a time".
• Visualize and desensitize: Visualize scenarios where you imagine yourself speaking confidently. Gradually exposing yourself to speaking situations in a supportive environment can also desensitize your fear.
• Engage in mindfulness and relaxation techniques: Mindfulness and relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing and meditation, help to manage anxiety and stay calm before and during speaking engagements. Do this in addition to your content and flow preparation.

3. Identify as a Powerful, Experienced Adult:

• Develop a positive self-identity: Develop a positive self-image as a confident, capable, and experienced professional. This is your new version, your past doesn't define you anymore. Let go of that baggage and adopt a new identity. Make a note of your achievements and expertise, and applaud yourself in front of the mirror (as funny as it seems, that goes a long way!).
• Encourage self-compassion: Remind yourself regularly that everyone makes mistakes, and it’s okay to stumble during a speech. Self-compassion can help in handling setbacks with grace.

4. Take Consistent Small Steps:

• Set achievable goals: Work with your coach to set realistic, achievable public speaking goals. Start with smaller, less intimidating speaking opportunities, and gradually progress to larger audiences.
• Celebrate progress: Celebrate even the smallest victories. Acknowledge your progress, reinforcing positive behaviour.
• Seek constructive feedback: Reach out to trusted mentors and coaches who will offer specific, constructive feedback after each speaking engagement. This will help you focus on improvements and highlight areas where you excelled.

5. Continuous Support and Practice:

• Practise Regularly: Regular practice is crucial. Join a public speaking club (such as Toastmasters) or practice in front of a mirror or with your coach.
• Avail Ongoing Support: Have a coach to support you throughout the process. The investment is worth it. This assures accountability, encouragement, feedback, and reassurance, especially during challenging times.

Remember, overcoming the fear of public speaking is a gradual process that requires patience, persistence, and support. By addressing the root cause, reframing your mindset, fostering self-confidence, and taking consistent small steps, executives can increasingly become comfortable and skilled in public speaking.