Excerpt from Powerful Phrases for Dealing with Difficult People: How to Deal with a Reactive Boss

Valerie was busy completing a customer order when Denise, her boss, walked over to the team and said, “Hey everyone, I need you to stop what you’re doing. I just got word that our VP is going to drop by our office this afternoon. I want each of you to start working on your quarterly reports. When Ms. Barrett comes in I want her to see that we’re on top of things.” Denise thought that was a ridiculous request since the quarter wasn’t over and the report wasn’t even due in the VP’s office until a week after the quarter closed. She was about to say something but knowing how reactive Denise was, she put her order aside and began to compile her report. Still, she wondered why that was necessary. Wasn’t it more important that she work on customer orders that were due now rather than to begin a report that she couldn’t complete?

Some bosses just don’t think things through. Rather than being proactive, they react to outside stimuli without employing critical thinking skills. Rather than having contingency plans in place, they jump on issues before analyzing the consequences. When an emergency situation occurs, they immediately move into crisis mode. These types are usually highly emotional, easily frustrated, and may become volatile when incited. They’re like sticks of dynamite, easily set off. When something upsets them, they may resort to inappropriate behaviors such as yelling, slamming things down, or even acting like a toddler having a temper tantrum.

Working for a boss who is reactive can be tiresome, especially if you’re a calm and controlled person. These bosses promote a disruptive environment within their work groups. To them, everything is a catastrophe or a potential disaster waiting to happen. When your boss reacts to every outside stimulus before thinking through the situation, he or she wants to take you along for the ride. Try not to hop on or you’ll get caught up in the chaos. Employees may grow weary trying to calm a reactive boss and will go overboard trying to fix a problem just to pacify him or her. Learning what triggers the overreaction will enable you to help your boss. Talk to him about creating a contingency plan to offset those types of circumstances. Most likely your entire team is affected by your reactive boss, so if she continuously makes your work life miserable it may be in your best interest to speak up as a group. Give specific examples of reactive responses and the effect they had on your team. Provide a clear definition of the problem and offer practical solutions.

Valerie and her coworkers grumbled as they began working on the quarterly reports. “This doesn’t even make sense. We don’t have the end of month results so how is this going to impress Ms. Barrett?” “Don’t you think it would impress her more if she saw us doing our jobs?” “Once again Denise jumped without thinking.” They agreed that Denise’s knee jerk reactions were wearing on them. Just last week she overreacted when two employees called in sick, making the rest of the team take on all of their work rather than analyzing what actually needed to be done. Valerie said, “I think it’s time we talked to her. Making us jump through unnecessary hoops is ridiculous. I’ll do the talking as long as all of you back me up.” The group agreed, and together they walked into Denise’s office.

Step 1: Think First

Valerie did some quick thinking as they walked. She wanted to present herself as calm, controlled, and respectful when she made the point that working on the quarterly reports when they had customers’ orders to complete didn’t make any sense. She also quickly came up with a compromise and hoped that Denise would agree to it.

Step 2: Gain a Better Understanding

“Denise, we wanted to talk to you about the quarterly reports you asked us to start working on for Ms. Barrett,” Valerie spoke confidently, matching her facial expressions and demeanor to the manner in which she spoke.

“Sure, what’s up?” Denise looked surprised to see all five of her employees in her office.

“We’d like to know if this was something Ms. Barrett requested us to do,” Valerie queried.

Denise answered: “Well, no. It was my idea. I want her to see what a well-oiled machine we are.”

Valerie spoke thoughtfully. “Do you think that’s necessary when we all have customer orders to complete? If we put those aside to start our reports we may have some unhappy customers. Shouldn’t they take precedence over a report that we can’t even complete at this time?”

“I didn’t realize you all had completion dates looming,” Denise said.

Step 3: Define the Problem

“We do and it’s causing a problem. When you asked us to drop what we’re working on to start the reports that aren’t due yet we felt frustrated,” Valerie said. “I mean, we do understand that you want our team to look good, but if that means upsetting customers how good will we look to them?”

“Not very,” Denise pondered.

Step 4: Offer Your Best Solution

Valerie continued: “Sometimes we feel that you react to whatever is happening at the moment and that causes a lot of frustration for us. Do you think that before you ask us to drop whatever we’re doing you could first discuss the situation with us? Then we can all put our heads together and give you additional input that will help you decide the best course of action. Had you known we had customer orders we wouldn’t be here talking to you.”

“I’m sorry, guys. I know that sometimes I fly off the handle. I’ll try not to do that in the future. I think your suggestion that we talk about issues is valid.” Denise seemed genuinely sorry.

Step 5: Agree on the Resolution

“We appreciate that. We all want to do our best for you but also for our customers.” Valerie felt proud of the manner in which she handled the conversation.

“I know you do,” Denise responded.

“And about starting the quarterly reports, do you still want us to start those or should we complete our customer orders?” Valerie asked.

“No, get your orders done first,” Denise told her. “Then if you’re able, start working on the reports.”

Why This Works

Even though Denise looked a little blindsided when the entire work group showed up in her office, having Valerie be the spokesperson helped keep the conversation positive and productive. Valerie was careful in the way in which she spoke, first asking questions to help Denise understand that her request that they work on the reports was uncalled for. Then she defined the problem, both in this instance and in general. She offered a compromise that was constructive. Denise took responsibility for overreacting and agreed to the compromise. Going forward, the group agreed that next time she jumped without thinking they’d respectfully remind her of their agreement that they discuss the matter.

Something to Think About

Just because your boss is reactive doesn’t mean you have to emulate that characteristic. It may be easier for you to comply than to take the time to discuss alternatives, but if you fall into the habit of continually jumping at your boss’s every whim, you’ll likely become frustrated. When that happens, you’re going to stop enjoying your work and your attitude is going to change. So be proactive. Talk to your boss about how the constant overreactions are making it difficult for you to complete your job in an efficient and effective manner.

Apply the following principles when dealing with a reactive boss:

? Don’t allow yourself to be pulled onto the wild ride that they can take you on.

? If it only happens occasionally and you’re able to comply without jeopardizing your work, just take a deep breath and don’t allow your anxiety to get the best of you.

? But don’t get in the habit of constantly mollifying a boss who consistently displays a knee jerk response.

? If you can figure out what your boss is likely to overreact to, come up with a contingency plan for that scenario and present it to him or her. Show that you want to be part of the solution and your boss is apt to listen to you.

? When you tell your boss how the reactiveness affects you, it shouldn’t be too difficult to get him or her to understand your point of view.

? Reactive bosses probably realize they’re this way and are likely to be open to your compromise about working together to come up with the best solutions.